Friday, December 28, 2012

Not always.

Most of the time foster care sucks.

Seriously.  It does.  One step forward, two steps back.

Broken promises.
Jerky social workers.
Bad decisions.
Heart breaks.
Hurt kids.

And in the middle of it are the moments that keep us in it.  The first smiles, the ridged hugs and eventually melt into cuddles, the love we have for a human we didn't even know existed 3 weeks ago, and sometimes the strangers that walk through our doors become family.

For 3 years foster care sucked for us.  We got hurt at every turn it seemed and the "smart" thing to do would have been to give up.  But those moments, those miracles, kept creeping in and kept me going even when my heart was broken in two.

We held on just long enough to see that, yes, our "PRE adoptive placement" that literally had a social worker demand that she be returned to her bios really was meant to be ours forever.      And then the miracles began to pour down on our unsuspecting heads.

Our 2nd bio was born.

Should 3 be enough?

Oh no, even the week before my c-section I found out 3 kids that I had fell in love with two years prior were finally available for adoption.  Red tape is no match for God, He certainly proved that when our 3 moved in.

And then, out of no where, we got a phone call.  The call we had hoped for from day one, but now we had six kids.  This phone call we got that would be our number 7 if we said yes, "should" have been our number 2 if our plans had gone as we wanted them to.  

Had our life gone as "planned" we would have our first bio and our first foster.

The end.

I can't imagine what I would be missing out on.  I shutter to think.

Because, numbers 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6....the are amazing.  Life would not be the same without them.

It took my heart being broken to get them.

It took tears, frustration and a plan that was the complete opposite of mine to get them.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

But, I believe, He gives more than He takes away.
And when His blessing rain down...well, it has been a down pour.

Never give up.  That is what I have learned.  Never give up on the plan God has for you.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Friday, December 21, 2012

She's HOME!!!!!!!!!  Just wait until you here the story....

But, she is here and is OH so tiny :(  I can't wait to see some chub on her!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

we MIGHT be picking up a baby tomorrow.

you know how it is.

we will see...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

DHS called

they finally called...BUT they didn't call my agency to set things up.  :/  they just threw paper work together and fired it off to my social worker who has no authority to authorize any of this.

i called the placement director and told him that they said they wanted to borrow our bed.  he was mad that they never called the agency AND he said, that typically they don't let people "borrow their beds" basically they are all going to have to figure this out.

i gave our placement director the worker's name and #...the one who called me from DHS.  The person from DHS said that CPS wants this baby placed with us NOW, so that is good.

now we wait as my agency and DHS fight it out paper work style.  :(

i hope she is hope for Christmas, but am ready to accept that that may not happen.

Lizzy's Birthday.

Yes, the 17th was Lizzy's birthday.  She turned 4.  Holy acting out all before and after this day, but she throughly enjoyed her birthday party.  She loved her presents, her cupcakes, the decorations and now asks all the time if it "can be her birthday today".

Little stinker is putting me through it lately.  Around 9 pm last night I was ready to "give up" on her.  I guess by that I mean for the day give up...not for life like it sounds.

She is having a hard time adjusting to all this.  She LOVES the kids and LOVES playing with them, but her brain is telling her other things, like, "this is TOO much!  act like you were raised in a barn!"

We will get through it.  She wants to get through it, I can tell even she doesn't like some of what she is doing.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I guess we are waiting for that first court date, when kids are first removed, so that the county can get permission to moved the baby out of county.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Saturday, December 15, 2012


The baby is safe in a foster home in her county until they transfer her here.

I am guessing some time next week.

Friday, December 14, 2012


They found her/them.  Cps has the baby.  The are taking her to the dr because she is tiny and looks jaundice.  I don't know when she will come here.

Baby. A new one.

The bio mom of the 3 kids we are in the process of adopting had a baby.   About 4 days ago.

They called to ask if we would take her.

I could believe the words coming out of my mouth.

"Yes, we will take her."

Baby tested positive for marijuana in her system and because of the last three being terminated on they should have never let them take the baby home with them.

But they did.

So, now, we wait.

Bio mom listed her address as her dads address with the hospital and when cps went there dad (grandpa) said he hasn't even seen them.

Cps is looking for them.  We will see what happens from here.

In the mean's time to get a bigger car.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Dear Lizzy, no matter what behavior you throw at me I am going to keep trying to figure out how to parent you and I will spend my whole life trying to turn you into a functional member of society.  But, more importantly, I will try to show you how much God loves you and try to teach you how to love and follow HIM.

You are worth it.

Love, Mom

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Worth it.

Every child.

Every good bye.

Every heart ache.

Every tear.

Every sleepless night.

Every single one got me to where I am today.  It hurt.  It was hard.  But, the other side of it really is THAT good.

Thursday, November 29, 2012


I have mentioned it before, but it happens often enough to mention again.

My 4 yr old was going thru the list again:

'the baby was in your belly?'


'Cody was in your belly?'


'i was in your belly?'

'no, you were in your other mom's belly'

'Lizzy was in your belly?'

'no, she was in someone else's belly too'

*eyes light up with interest*

'whose belly was she in?'

'a lady name S***'


This is exactly why I wanted to have more than one adopted child.  I never wanted Lizzy to be the only one who 'wasn't in my belly'.  She has no concept of this yet, but I could tell that it made one of my newest daughter feel better about this.  Then, having grown up in foster care, she immediately said 'she's staying here, forever, like us?'

'Yes.  She is staying here forever, just like you are.'

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I was NOT looking at adoption lists!  My friend posted a link to a blog I had never read, so I read it and there her little face was!  :)

Monday, November 26, 2012

What in the world.

Only I would be in the middle of adopting three kids and then stumbled across a picture of a little girl in Russia only to be convinced I need her.

Now if anything comes of THAT It would take a flat out, straight from God miracle.

Kinda like what I am currently living.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

What to write about...besides that my kids are amazing.

I have started so many posts in my head.  Then they are swept away by the busy-ness of each day.

It is weird to be doing foster care paper work again.  I did not miss it at ALL between the time we adopted Lizzy and now.  Not. One. Bit.

The kids are doing so good.  My oldest daughter is such a sweet girl.  She is soft spoken, but has a wild fun loving side.  She is all girl and makes my heart so happy every day.

My 2 1/2 year old daughter reminds me SO much of my first foster placement.  From the back they could be twins.  Same hair, same silly run...if it wasn't so comforting it would be freaky.  I feel like in a small way I got my Sabrina back.  She is healing a lot of the holes that were left in my heart from loosing my first daughter.

My newest son has the best smile and the funniest personality.  I love him.  I make sure to show him that every day because he needs to know.  He carries the most hurt, but we are building a relationship that I wasn't sure would ever come.

Lizzy is, as always, a challenge.  I love that kid.  I think every day my love just gets more obsessed with finding what will work for her.  I am constantly trying to figure out how to raise her.  She is family and we needed her just as much as every single other person in our family of 8.

I wish I could capture all the little stories that happen through out the day.  There is so many important things happening in the details.

But, for now, I am just holding on for the ride.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I promise.

Sisters in foster care, this is for anyone who is wondering if they will make it through this week, the next few months or the next court hearing.

I promise.

It IS worth it!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


"where did that baby come from?" my sweet new four year old daughter asked me today gesturing towards my youngest biblical child.

When you grow up in foster care it is normal to 'go get a baby from somewhere'.

Having biological children, especially a very new baby, makes all the questions come out.

"yes, she grew in my tummy".

"no, you did not grow in my tummy".

Our story goes, "mommy and daddy got married (Lizzy always starts here because she is obsessed with brides) and they had a little boy named Cody (my first bio son), and then mommy went and found a little girl named Lizzy (Lizzy always smiles at this part), and then mommy had a baby in her belly and it was ky ky (my second bio child) and then mommy and daddy went out and found Jojo, Chica and Jozzy because we needed them too.

My 4 year old has two other "moms" besides me.  Her bio mom and her foster mom who raised her for the past two years.  She refers to both of them as her "other mom".  Obviously we will come up with something better than that eventually, but for now I have left it up to them to name these people and I encourage them to talk about them as much as they want.

Every once in a while something will come up.  It is mostly about their foster family.  They don't mention their bio mom.

Every day is a new step towards normal.  So far all I know is that we are thrilled to be their forever parents.

Monday, November 5, 2012


Lizzy was HORRIBLE today.

Maybe I was too.

Let the BIG feeling begin!

Thursday, November 1, 2012


Lizzy loves "the kids" as she calls our 3 newest children.

LOVES to play with them.

LOVES having friends around.

She really is tickled to have other people her age around.  She does GREAT almost all the time sharing.  She has done amazingly well.

She HAS shown some wear and tear over this life changing move.

Yesterday she got in trouble and was sent to bed.  After she got up she just wanted to lay on me.

So, while everyone ran and played around us, we cuddled.

She is my girl and I love her.  Her place in our family will not change and I TRULY believe this addition to our family (all 3 of them) will be SO good for her.

It is beyond obvious to me that Lizzy is behind.  She is very immature socially and has "very poor impulse control".  She copies everything all the kids say.  She acts SO much more like the 2 year old than the 4 year old.

But, on the good end, being around the 4 year old is teaching her things and she is moving forward.  I thing she might just be "slow" when it comes to learning life skills and practical stuff.  I guess that might qualify her as slow...but, she isn't what I think of when I think of slow.

Regardless, I am so glad she is here and she is mine.  She is amazing in so many ways that acting "young" for her age isn't of much concern.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012


SO happy to have our kids living at our house for the holidays!  We had such a great night tonight!

Monday, October 29, 2012


Everything is going great :)  I just dropped by to say hi, I don't have much time to go into details right now.

The kids were thrilled that they get to stay FOREVER!

Interesting things have come up, been noticed.

I have noticed:

my 6 year old seems like he is emotionally 3 1/2 years old (i noticed this the first day I spent with him, but I constantly notice this)

my 4 year old acts like a very mature 4 year old

even the 2 year old acts like a very mature 2 year old

LIZZY seems to be about at a 2 1/2 year old level - emotionally, mentally ect.

Lizzy is the most interesting to me.  It is nice to see her feel included with the kids.  For the most part her and the 4 year old have become friends and I think that being around the 4 year old is going to help Lizzy mature a lot.  It already has in some aspects.

Anyway, we are doing good and we are enjoying our time together.  I'll be back soon.

Thursday, October 25, 2012


Time is ticking away.

Our children's foster mom is spending her days very busy with my kids and her new placement.  I think she has around 7 kids right now.

H-O-L-Y cow.

She has been getting the kids ready to move.  Bringing it up and doing a count down with them.

She is so close to our little one who is 2 years old.

She was telling her that she is moving to our house and she won't be going back.

In her 2 year old sing song-y voice she would reply "Yes, I am..."

And her foster mom would say "No, your not."

And eventually my sweet baby looked at the only mom she has ever known and said, "I'm leaving you." and started bawling.

Her first real mom bawled along with her.

I feel so bad for what she is loosing.

But, I can't wait for the day she feels that way about ME.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


My kids are OFFICIALLY coming home this Sunday.

For good.


All praise be to God.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

My baby.

Beautiful October Day.

Mom changed my diaper and left my pants off.

This leaf looks like it would taste good.

Perfect blue sky.

Yes, my hair is always in my face.


Our weekend ended up very nice.  We did a lot of things we wanted to with the kids and after we addressed the behavior issues we saw improvements.

Obviously that takes a lot of effort on our part, which I will explain later, but just wanted to say that we had another great weekend with the kids :)

Friday, October 19, 2012

This isn't always easy.

I was going to start out by saying "Often in foster care...", but I am going to go with "Always in foster care..."

Always in foster care you are reaping the benefits of some one else's (usually) bad decisions.  This usually ends up looking like a child who has bad behavior in your home or bad reactions to, well, everything sometimes.

It has been wonderful to get to know our kids.  We love them.  That doesn't mean everything has been perfect.

Since the kids have gotten comfortable they have been trying things out on us.  One of which is, basically, the 6 year old boy acts like he doesn't like me and the girls act like they don't like my husband.


It is more or a push/pull type of thing from what I can see.  I feel like they are pushing us away to see if we really are going to stick know, because no one else has.

We finally have just point blank told them that they HAVE to be nice or they aren't going to get anything extra they ask us for.  For example, the 4 year old girl was ignoring my husband when he went to pick the kids up today.  He said hi to her, she ignored him.  He even tapped her on the shoulder and she ignored him. The ride home is an hour long and the kids all have video games they can play, but they have to share the iPod.  The 4 year old said to my husband, "Lizzy is getting to play lots of games", trying to get him to let her play, and my husband just told her flat out that she wasn't being nice so he wasn't worried about whether she got a turn or not.  He went on to explain why the way she acted was not ok and that was the end of it.  She was pleasant and normal acting the rest of the day.

When they arrived home all the kids were happy to see me except the 6 year old boy.  He totally ignored me even when I said hi.  I told my husband as the 6 year old scampered from the car to the house that he had completely ignored me and my husband called him back and addressed it immediately and told him he was not going to act like that.  That was the end of it.  I included Mr. 6 year old in making dinner and helping me and we had quite a bit of good interaction.

Baby steps.

Early on someone asked me "So, they aren't going to have those attachment issues right?" and I told them, "Actually, I plan on them have exactly the amount of attachment issues that they should have considering everything they have been through."

I HATE that.  I HATE that there is good reason for why that would be an issue for the oldest two.  I don't think they have RAD and I have had SEVERAL discussions with her about that issue and she doesn't think they have RAD either.

She has always said that you have to be careful or "these kids will run all over you".  And it's true.

I want them to be happy all the time and basically that is impossible.  They are excited to move in, but they are also loosing everything that they have known for the SECOND time.

That sucks.

We are committed.  We want them.  We love them.

But, it is going to take time to turn into a family.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

So much.

So much is going on.  We have had sickness running through our home.  Hoping that will be gone soon.

Talked to my kids foster mom this morning to arrange our pick up and drop off for this weekend.  She told me about a new sib group she will be taking once my kids are moved to our house on the 28th.

She started crying.  "No kids will ever replace these kids, but I think this will be a good distraction for me.  I am going to miss them so much.  Right from the beginning these kids were special.  I am so glad they are getting such a great family, I wanted the to have the best.  If it was anyone besides you guys I couldn't do this."

I am so glad she has loved them so well all this time.  She is very old school, strict and into cleanliness. She is a fighter, she has fought for my kids and has done everything she could to ensure them a good life.

This is the hard part.  I know it is going to be sad for her.  And hard for us somedays too.

But, I am EXPECTING MIRACLES because I know with God it is always an exciting ride.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


October 28th SHOULD be the day that our kids come home.

For good.


And, for good measure, it was two years ago this month that we met the kids.

How fitting.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


If you have ever fund raised you know it can be HARD.

Look at this

You all chipped in, along with LOTS of other people, and look what God did!!!!!

Expect Miracles :)

Friday, October 12, 2012

They need help.

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.

Last week I was cleaning up and found the piece of paper that I first wrote down the phone number of the kids adoption worker.  This was back before I knew if they would even consider us to adopt them or not.  Under the phone number I had jotted down the words "Expect Miracles".  Not because I was being prophetic, but because it is a quote on a bracelet that I own that I probably meant to send out to someone and was using that same paper to remind myself.

So, when I found that paper all I saw was the name and the phone number of the adoption worker and the words "Expect Miracles".

Immediately God spoke to me and said, I know that this adoption is a mess...Expect Miracles.

What has happened is a miracle and it doesn't make any sense.  The DHS that the kids are from HATES my agency.  They had already said a FIRM "no" to working with our agency and was going to make the kids adoption agency take over everything and COMPLICATE everything.  Things probably would have dragged out for months.

Our kids are ready to come home.

They are sad to leave.

They want to live with us.

Our legal children miss our non legal children.

We miss our non legal children.


Expect Miracles.

Everyone had done a 180 and is giving every thing to my agency and everything just got SUPER DUPER easy.

We should be able to move them home very very soon.

They will be home while the paper work moves.  We don't have to wait 2 more months to bring them home.

They will probably be moved in with us by the end of the month.

Expect Miracles.

This is what God does.  He still does miracles.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


Everything has been going great, it is just a little crazy around here.

It is wonderful having the kids here on the weekends, but we have finally gotten to the part where the kids don't want to go back to their foster home and we had a pretty big melt down from our new 4 year old daughter when it was time for my husband to take them home.

Thankfully their foster mom and I are on the same page and we would like to move them in permanently the last weekend of October, right before Halloween.

BUT, as you all know, paper work is an issue.  Always.

And politics as well, not fun.

So, in my state we have DHS who is in charge of everything.  They contract everything out to the private agencies, but DHS still has the final say.  Well, in our scenario we have quite a few players involved:

-DHS from the county the kids are from
-the private agency that the kid's foster case has
-our agency that we are licensed through
-our DHS, because we are not from the same county as the kids

Lots of workers and lots of people to get everything confused.

As of last week I was told that the kid's DHS was going to refuse to work with our agency and was going to ask them to basically give our license and home study to the kid's private agency that is handling their foster case along with now their adoption case.

This is not the way things usually go and is actually a big slap in my agency's face, but this DHS has had issues with my agency (I understand because I have had issues with my own agency) and they don't want to work with them.

All that being said, it is stressful not know what is going to happen.

Would my agency fight them on that?

Would everyone get sick of this and want to change things all together?

Would some how we get cut out of the picture?

Would we need to drop our agency (which I would have been fine with) and start all over with the kid's agency?

As of even this morning this was still where everything was.

My agency's adoption worker called me this afternoon and told me that she had gotten an email saying that the kid's DHS was going to hand the kid's foster case AND adoption case over to my agency.


This is the opposite of what I heard all last week and even just this morning!  I even had my worker read me the email because I was so shocked.

It appears that someone changed their mind completely...either that or someone is very very confused.  Please pray that they ARE transferring everything to my agency, that would make everything fall into place wonderfully!!!!!!!!!!!


Something H.U.G.E. may have just happened when it comes to our kids being able to move in permanently...either that or everyone is more confused than ever on how this is going to work.

PLEASE pray that God has moved and the kids are on their way (quickly!) to our home!!!  I am going to wait a few days to see if everyone got the same message and is on the same page.

I HOPE SO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 4, 2012


Tomorrow the troops are coming again for the weekend!  We have a VERY busy weekend ahead of us so this will be a real life "what it's like to live in our family" test.  The kids like to stay busy so I think they will be thrilled.

Also, it is official, I am going to be taking pictures of my 2nd foster child's family that adopted him this weekend so I get to see him for the first time in two years.

I am excited!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Training Hours.


What websites do you all use to get your foster care training hours?

What else do you use to get training hours?


Our weekend visit went great.  I loved having the kids here and was sad to see them go back.  It was WONDERFUL having a car that fit all of us (no seat was spared).

With that being said, adding 3 more kids is A LOT.  Adding 3 young kids is even more.  But, they are worth it.  Lizzy just loves having them here to play with and asks when they are coming back all the time.  They will be back this weekend.

I wish I knew when they would be able to move in.  I called all the workers Monday morning and asked them to get things moving.  Everyone seems to be waiting on everyone else.  If things don't start to move I will be making LOTS more phone calls.

It is definitely easier going back to 3 kids, but it is time for our kiddos to come home.  J, the oldest, was very upset to go back to his foster home.  He LOVES having my son and husband around and at his foster home he is the only boy.

We had lots of good moments and lots of interesting moments.  The kids talk about their bio parents, well, J talks about his bio parents.  He is very much aware of them and is still trying to figure all of this out.  He will be 6 years old in October.

The two girls just had a good time.  They were all giggles, well, there was some pouting in there when they didn't get their way, but were very easy to be around.  No one in their right mind would not fall in love with the youngest, she is a doll.  And the older girl is stunning, she looks like Holly Berry to be honest.

They have hurts.  The older two the most.  They seem like happy kids and are very lovable, but are typical kids who whine and pout to get their way.

We care about them a lot and just want what is best for them and we think that is a family...and we can give them that.

Sunday, September 30, 2012


My kids went back to their foster home earlier today.

I miss them.

I hope this all goes fast.

Friday, September 28, 2012

That was fast.

-my husband picked up the kids at 6:30 pm

-he & the kids picked up pizza

-they came home

-we showed them their rooms and beds (they were very excited)

-they played with toys

-they colored

-they ate

-they jumped on our living room furniture (a lot - my oldest bio led the way on that)

-they watched TV

-they snacked

-they brushed their teeth

-they ALL put on their bathing suits and playing in the tub for at least an hour making a huge soapy mess and ruining our soap

-they put on their PJs

-they snacked

-they watched tv and played dress up

-they raced down the stairs in their dress up clothes

- 10 pm (yes, THAT late) I told them it was time for bed

-they got drinks and went to the bathroom

-I read them a story (hubby read the boys a story, I read the girls a story)

-they crashed in no time flat  (except Lizzy who was very over stimulated and even she settled down within minutes)

Wish me luck with day two, all this was crammed into only THREE hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(We had a lot of fun by the way :) )

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Count down.

They are coming.


I know it's just for the weekend, but I am nervous!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Over night.

This Friday we will have our first over night with our kids.  We are having them over Friday night and Saturday night.  I am so excited and nervous.  I know we will have fun during the day, but I am a little worried about bedtime.

That is when all the emotions come out.

I think they will be ok, everything usually goes better than expected.

In other news, my second foster child who was adopted by a very nice family...well, his mom wants me to take family portraits for them.  This would be the 1st time since the day he left my house that I have seen him in person.  After he moved out I talked to him on the phone once and since then I talk to his mom on a semi regular basis, but this is in person.

I have always thought that he has RAD and I am freaking out about what seeing me might trigger.  I just don't want them to have a super bad week just because he sees me.

I don't want him to worry that he might be moving.  I don't want to bring up the bad stuff that brought him to our house.  I just don't want it to turn into a bad thing.

I hope it happens though.

I would love to see him.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

8 seats.

Today we picked up one of these...because I guess we needed it for the 6 kids we are going to have.

Wow is this crazy :)

Friday, September 21, 2012


Things are busy around here and there is a lot going on, but it all just seems normal.  My oldest is playing football and loves it.  His team is not very good, but he is doing great.

My baby is trying so hard to crawl.  She can get around, but isn't technically crawling yet.  She is 6 months old and a stinker, that is how we make them around here.  Her brown hair has turned almost red and she has the fiery temper to go with it.  For the most part she only wants me, but likes her dad, brother and sister.  She would prefer everyone else to just smile at her while one of us hold her.  She has her bottom two teeth and kept her pretty blue eyes.

Lizzy has been doing good.  She is saying all kinds of new words every day and uses them in the funniest sentences.  She is starting to act more like a 4 year old than a three year old, besides her biting a child at church the other day.  She will turn 4 in December.

Our other son lost his front two teeth last week and is being annoying in his class at school.  Awesome. :). Apparently he was chirping like a bird.  He will make life interesting around here I am sure.

The girls have been doing good.  Just being themselves I suppose.

We are going to see them Sunday again.  We are spending the night at a hotel on Saturday night after my work engagement that is out by where they live.  We are going to swim in the pool and then take them out to lunch.  Hopefully next weekend they will be coming to our house.  That should be interesting!

All is well, as is busy...I guess we better just get used to that!

Thursday, September 20, 2012


The winner is Raina H. from Texas!


I will be putting this in the mail to you early next week.

Thanks everyone for everything!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Day!

I am so excited!  Today is the 20th which means my fund raiser ends TODAY!!!  I am so excited about the money that will be going to this family and am equally excited to be done asking for money.  :)

I don't think anyone "likes" fund raising, but, for me, it kind comes down to the fact that I am willing to "beg" for money if it is for such a great cause.  People who adopt kids with extreme physical needs deserve help.  They shouldn't have to beg for it or go without.  These people are my heroes and it is the least we all can do to chip in some money to help for these kids who are no longer orphans BUT started out that way.

Anway, I will choose a winner today at 5 pm so if you want to chip in click on the link above to check it out before then.

Thank you to everyone who gave.

Thank you to everyone who shared it.

Thank you to everyone who bought books.

You all are awesome.

Also, Jess over at has added a foster parent forum to her blog so that foster parents can connect over there and she would love for you to drop by and check it out!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Cubbie Vest:  $10

Cubbie Book:  $9

Being the parent of the kid who bit another kids at Cuibbies tonight:  Priceless

Oh Lizzy.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Our new three.

We had another visit with our new kids this past weekend. Ordinarily by now we would be having them over to our house to visit and even spend the night, but I had two prior work engagements that have made that a little too hard. So, because we feel that remaining consistent is so important, we have been having a visit with them every week close to where they live (an hour away from us).

This week we spent 2 hours with the kids at a McDonalds play place. Every time we are together things get easier. I don't worry "Are they not going to want to come with us today?" or "Will we be able to handle all six of our kids?" It just works. I think if the kids were any younger is wouldn't work. I still laugh about doing everything we said we never would.

Adopting out of birth order - check

Adopted a child with family history of mental illness - check (not our newest three)

Life usually doesn't go how we plan it, we might as well get on board with not being able to control it or fit it into some neat little box.

At this visit we talked with the oldest two about them moving in with us and us becoming their parents. Their foster mom suggested this and obviously it was getting time to do this. When we asked them what they thought about all that they excitedly said "Yes!" they wanted to move in with us and for us to be their parents. When my husband asked the oldest girl "Do you know why we want to be your parents" she immediately said "Because you love us!"

We both almost cried.

The kids are young enough that I am sure they don't fully understand all this and, perhaps, in a way maybe they understand it all too well. Either way, we have done this before. We have taken beautiful little strangers into our home and we have become a family. It isn't easy and it takes time. It has taken us every bit of the time we have had with Lizzy to make her a part of our family and I am banking on it taking a while for us all to feel like a family when our new little ones move in. But, despite the normal issues, I actually am hopeful that things may go better than expected. God has planned this out so perfectly and maybe we are finally the kind of adoptive parents that are "ready" for the healing to begin.

We shall see.

Monday, September 17, 2012

"I will carry you" by Angie Smith

Bare with me until September 20th. I am not a huge fan of fun raising and all that, but I want to do the best I can until this thing is over so that I know I did all I could :)

With that being said, have you ever heard of Angie Smith? She is the wife of one of the members of the singing group Selah.
I started to follow her blog when she had just found out that her 4th daughter was not going to be "compatible with life". Reading the words from her blog while she processed this and after she had the was truly something that changes you.

After she had the baby she wrote this book. This book is about a mom who had a baby that went to heaven before she did, but for me, it was such a mirror to what I was going through knowing that my first daughter would be taken from me and placed back in a less than ideal situation.

I know it is not the same, but the emotions that she describes...I have felt them. I don't know if it is at the same level, but I have grieved a daughter.

Anyway, if anyone is interested, I have ONE copy of this book that is like new. It will go straight from my house to yours for $12 with FREE shipping.

The money will be going to the fundraiser.

Sunday, September 16, 2012


Have you seen this book?

Or heard about this town?

I found this book around 3 or 4 years ago while we were waiting to become a licensed foster home. (At this point I feel like we have always been a foster family!) Anyway, in this book Bishop Martin tells the story of the REAL LIFE town of Possum Trot, Texas, and about his family, his church and his community adopting 72 children out of the US foster care system.

It. Is. Awesome.

After becoming a foster parent and a mom to a child I didn't give birth to, I love this book even more. This book is simply written, it is a very easy read, but he is telling the truth of what fostering and ultimately adopting is like. The good, the bad. The joy and the sadness. And he talks about the miracles you will see when you step out and do THIS.

Recently I saw two of my friends post about this story on Facebook and I noticed that no one seems to know there is a book that contains the details of this towns story so I thought I would highlight is here AND give you a chance to get your hands on this book.

I will be selling used copies of this book for $10 ea. with FREE shipping!!! All proceeds of this will go to the family that I have been raising money for. All you have to do is click the button below to get your copy of this great encouraging story!!!!

Also, if you want to read a bit about the people the book is about you can do that here.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Let's keep this going (ways to win!)

You guys have been so great! Thank you to everyone who entered/donated!

Want to have your name entered (again or for the first time) without donating any money?

SHARE THIS ( ) ON YOUR BLOG AND YOUR NAME WILL GO IN THE POT TWICE!!! Just leave a comment on THIS post letting me know you did.

OH, one more thing. Share this ( )
on your facebook page and get your name thrown in THREE more times!!!

Just leave a comment on this post letting me know you did that as well.

You guys have been great, lets see if there is anyone else who like to donate :)

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Did you see this?

For the Monday morning crowd:

I want to look at these little faces:

These little sweeties have been adopted by a great couple. I will post a link to their story at the end of the post. You may notice that that gorgeous little girl in the middle has no arms and no legs. She melts my heart. Her little face is the reason I am hosting this give a way.

Anyway, to make a long story short, their family needs a wheelchair accessible van. One of their friends is trying to raise $15,000 by October 15th for them. I don't know if I will be able to help much, but I will do what I can. First, I already made a small donation to them myself. Secondly, I am giving away this gorgeous necklace that I just bought from another mama who is currently picking up her newly adopted little boy from Taiwan.

I really love this necklace, but I am happy to give it away in hopes it gets these kids closer to a van that fits their needs. It is a small token on my end.

Imagine if many of us just did something small...anyway.

This is the necklace:

How do you enter this give a way?

See the Donate Button below? Click it, donate at least $2 (you choose the amount, enter the amount and hit update) and you will be entered to win the necklace. For every $2 you donate your name will go in the pot 1 time. So if you donate $10 your name will go in 5 times.

I hope you guys don't mind me doing this. I JUST heard about this tonight and I felt the urge to do this. Our family is so excited to adopt our 3 new kiddos, but we have yet to adopt children that have needs that are like these kids. Special needs children have been on my heart more and more each day, and while I am not in the place to adopt a child with these type of needs yet, I do feel very compelled to help those that currently are.

Seriously, what is $2 anyway? But, when your $2 meets my $2...well, God is very good at multiplying.

This give a way will end September 20th. Good luck!!!! Please feel free to share this on your blog, that would be one really easy way to help!!!

Four of Six.

We went to see our kids yesterday. I put together a scavenger hunt list of things for them to find on our walk to dinner. Here we are stealing flowers from the bank that was thankfully closed :)

When I look at this picture all I can think is "There are four kids in this picture...and that isn't ALL of them!"

I am still adjusting to the thought of being a mama to six. There is no book that really prepares you for this.

Take a look below at the give a way/fund raiser I am hosting!!! It is well worth it!!!

Friday, September 7, 2012


I want you to look at these faces:
These little sweeties have been adopted by a great couple. I will post a link to their story at the end of the post. You may notice that that gorgeous little girl in the middle has no arms and no legs. She melts my heart. Her little face is the reason I am hosting this give a way.

Anyway, to make a long story short, their family needs a wheelchair accessible van. One of their friends is trying to raise $15,000 by October 15th for them. I don't know if I will be able to help much, but I will do what I can. First, I already made a small donation to them myself. Secondly, I am giving away this gorgeous necklace that I just bought from another mama who is currently picking up her newly adopted little boy from Taiwan.

I really love this necklace, but I am happy to give it away in hopes it gets these kids closer to a van that fits their needs. It is a small token on my end.

Imagine if many of us just did something small...anyway.

This is the necklace:

How do you enter this give a way?

See the Donate Button below? Click it, donate at least $2 (you choose the amount, enter the amount and hit update) and you will be entered to win the necklace. For every $2 you donate your name will go in the pot 1 time. So if you donate $10 your name will go in 5 times.

I hope you guys don't mind me doing this. I JUST heard about this tonight and I felt the urge to do this. Our family is so excited to adopt our 3 new kiddos, but we have yet to adopt children that have needs that are like these kids. Special needs children have been on my heart more and more each day, and while I am not in the place to adopt a child with these type of needs yet, I do feel very compelled to help those that currently are.

Seriously, what is $2 anyway? But, when your $2 meets my $2...well, God is very good at multiplying.

This give a way will end September 20th. Good luck!!!! Please feel free to share this on your blog, that would be one really easy way to help!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012


As the days tick by I can tell I am a different person than I was when I started all of this.

I want my kids home, as fast as possible.

But, I also know, that each day my sweet youngest child will only be a baby once. I will only get these easy days for a bit longer. She will only nurse for a few more months. I will only be able to cuddle her when she naps as often as I do now for a while longer.

So, while the waiting is hard, the reality is that I might as well enjoy this time too, because it will be gone all too soon, in a good way.

And, while I enjoy my littlest, I have a little first grader who is going to loose his first tooth any minute and I am not there for it. He started his first day of 1st grade and I wasn't there for it. I have a sweet four year old daughter whose hair I didn't get to do today. And a two year old who I didn't get to cuddle today.

This is life while I wait, it isn't bad, but it will be better when we are all together.

Monday, September 3, 2012


We saw our new babies again today.

It was wonderful.

They are normal kids with faults just like the rest of us.

We are so excited for the day they come home.

Saturday, September 1, 2012


The number one thing they SHOULD tell you in "foster care class" that they DON'T is that your foster child that you spend months falling in love with might be returned to the exact same crap they were taken out of.


This is reality.

Now, there are a few good changes in Sabrina's life. If nothing else, there are more healthy people that are active in her life since coming into foster care. I also believe that there is more than just that, but that isn't what this post is about.

Some families have to "worry" about where their next meal is coming from. Some are hard working wonderful families and some are lazy, cigarette smoking, occasional drug using families.

Money will always be an issue in Sabrina's house. They are the type of people that you could give a million dollars to and in 6 months it would be gone. Wasted. With only stupid stuff to show for it and no money to take care of the basics.

I believe when Sabrina says, "We have no food" she means "We have barely any food in the house and mom and grandma have been talking about how many days it will be until their food stamps card will be filled. They have probably been talking about going to a church to get donated food and when I ask if I can have something to eat I don't like any of the options."

Her mom had $9 on her when we picked her up. That is enough to buy food for a day or two. She spent $2 on starburst while we were out. We paid for everything else.

Mom heard Sabrina say this to me and said, "Yeah, we have to go grocery shopping. Grandma might be doing that right now."

For the most part I believe that. It's friday, some source of money probably came in. I am sure Sabrina was talking about what had gone on earlier this week.

Sabrina's mom has started getting child support again. It was off for a LONG time. Grandma drives school buses for a job and was off all summer. I am sure she doesn't budget for the summer's off.

This is their life.

I wish Sabrina lived in a house where food was NEVER an issue...but, it is. And it isn't the end of the world. If I EVER thought she was truly going without you KNOW I would drive down there and fill their cupboards and fridge for them.

I just hope if it ever gets that bad I know about it.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Sometimes it's hard...

"I am starting school! And we have no food."

(We went to visit our first ever foster daughter today who was returned to her bio mom over a year ago. This is a quote from her today.)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The two year old.

Her smile melts me and the thought that her whole little world is about to get flipped upside down has her new mama's heart in knots. All I can do is pray God prepares her little heart to heal quickly and fall in love with us.


In the words of my husband, after leaving our visit with the kids:

"Well, that sealed the deal."

We are excited :)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Could it really be...

tomorrow I am going to be "meeting" 3 sweet kids...which just might be my kids...

Monday, August 27, 2012

i heart questions.

Q: Foster-to Adopt or Pre-Adoptive?

A: I think technically both lol. I don't think it makes a difference, but in THEIR agency's eyes it is probably pre-adoptive and in my agency's eyes it is probaby foster-to-adopt...we are looking at is as an adoption that will be finalized when it is allowed to be.

Q: How is your son doing?

A: He has moved from apprehensive to excited! We are so happy about this. He needed time to get used to the idea. You can read about his reaction here. Tonight in the car he informed us that we can NOT get more than 20 kids. 20 is the limit. (*snicker*)

Q: Is your first meeting with them on the blog?

A: A little bit, here it is, and this is the part out them:

"Anyway, when we went to meet Joseph for the first time at his foster home we also met his three new foster siblings that his foster mom had taken in. As we walked out the door with Joseph I had the weirdest feeling that I was visiting with the wrong child. I wanted to be taking the new sibling group of three out with us, not Joseph. As we left my husband even turned around and said to the foster mom, "Let us know if they ever come up for adoption.". Which is not very like my husband."

Sunday, August 26, 2012


As we put the bedrooms together to accommodate all these kids, we are getting more and more excited.

The little girl's room is so cute and will be even cuter once it is done...and as we put it together I could see glimpses of our 4 girls all playing together in there someday.

Lizzy has claimed the top bunk for herself and is asleep there as I type.

Only two more days until we get to go see our kids.

Friday, August 24, 2012


Where I live, everything has to start with this because it seems like every policy is different everywhere, you have to have 40 sq feet per child in a bedroom. So, if you have a 120 sq foot bedroom you can have a total of 3 kids in it, foster or biological.

There are different rules about ages and gender of kids that can be in the same bedroom. Also, you can have a baby in your bedroom if you are a foster parent, they can't sleep in your bed though.

I only have a 3 bedroom house. I have me, my husband and my baby girl in our room. My son and our adoptive son will share a room, and then my daughter and the two adoptive daughters will share a bedroom.

That is a lot of people in a 3 bedroom house! Here's hoping that something crazy happens and a bigger house is in our future!!!

(We have a finished basement so we are thinking about putting a bedroom down there as well. We actually have room for 2-3 bedrooms down there, but we shall see)


I am busy painting our bedrooms because EVERYONE is moving to a new room so that we can fit three new kids in this house under foster care policies.

Biggest room had to go to the girls, so they get our bedroom. We get the 2nd largest room (but has the biggest closet at least) and the boys get the smallest.

I am excited to re-do all the rooms though :)

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

"God is primarily concerned with receiving glory from our lives. Perhaps the daunting circumstances you are facing are just a platform from which God desires to demonstrate a mighty miracle to an unbelieving world. The eyes of God are going to and fro throughout the earth looking for someone through whom He can show himself mighty."


It's getting real.

We are going to go see the kids for the first time in nearly 2 years next Wednesday!

We are so excited!!!

Seriously, can this really be happening?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??

Monday, August 20, 2012

Sunday, August 19, 2012

My kids.

My baby is growing up so fast.

Her first tooth came thru today and she got up on all fours.

She is five months old.

We took her to a CHRISTmas store that is open year round here.

In August.

Why not right?

We also are looking a 8+ passenger vehicles.

Because we have lost are minds and are seriously thinking about adopting 3 kids.

If you hadn't heard yet.

Thursday, August 16, 2012


We were supposed to have a meeting today about the three kids, but foster mom had an emergency and couldn't make it so we are re-scheduling.

This is what it is like to adopt out of foster care :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Big Brother.

With talking about bringing 3 more kids into your family you have to be ready for different responses from different members of the family.

For a few months now, I would say ever since I had the baby, my oldest child has told us on occasion that he is "fine with the amount of kids we have now" - alluding to the fact that he doesn't think we need any more.

This child was an only child for 6 years. And then, we added children in the most volatile way possible, foster care. Kids have come and kids have gone. Them leaving has by far always been the hardest part for my son.

So, when we brought up the idea of adopting THREE more kids my son had his reservations. I GET THAT. I have my own reservations.

But, that doesn't change the fact that these three kids NEED a home.

It doesn't change the fact that we have "wanted" these kids for two years...even when they weren't the first thing on our minds.

It doesn't change the fact that we are a family and we can make this work. I didn't say it would be easy, I said I believe we can make it work.

So, we have talked. And talked. And talked.

Tonight at dinner we ALL said prayers, one at a time, starting with Lizzy of course who LOVES to pray and reminds us often (seriously, God knew we needed that sweet baby for more than one reason).

When it was my son's turn to pray it went something like this:

"Dear God, thank you for our food and our house. Thank you for my mom, and dad, and Lizzy and baby sister. And for the three kids that might be moving to our house. Amen."

Relief washed over me because I need him to be on board with this too.

God is working in us.

Changing us.

Getting us ready.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

11 Years.

a 17 year old and a 21 year old

11 years later

2 biological miracles

and 1 adopted miracle

perhaps 3 more on the way

6 foster children

a life we never saw coming

so glad I am doing this with him.

Happy anniversary to us.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


They are setting up an informational meeting, I think next week, for us to meet with all the workers involved and ask any questions we would like to.

It's getting real.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


I have looked every where and I can't find any proof he is dead. I am guessing he isn't...but I did find a tab bit of evidence that may mean bio mom and legad dad got back together...which, for real, would be nuts.


to me from Lizzy's bio dad:

"Lizzy's mom is in jail for breaking and entering...and her legal father is dead...i think of an over dose..."

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


Imagine you have just had a 6 year old boy that you never met dropped off at your house.

Now it is YOUR job to make sure his medical needs are met. His emotional needs are met. His physical needs are met. And everything in between.

So, lets say he gets to your home in the evening, right before bedtime. You put him to bed and then the next day he is still there. You know you have to meet all of these needs so you spend the next day trying to make him feel comfortable and making phone calls.

Because that is what we do.

Then, after dinner, it's bath time. But he's six.

Does he know how to clean himself?
Does he clean himself properly?
Does he have anything going on "down there" that needs to be taken care of, but you don't know about it?

Yeah. It's about to get uncomfortable.

So...what do you do?

For the first night I probably would just ask if he needs help after turning on the shower for him. But, this kid is going to be in your home for at least weeks...probably months...maybe even years.

So, do you ever find out if he is cleaning himself correctly?

How do you handle this once he has been in your home for a few weeks?

Sunday, August 5, 2012


(and no, these are not really a picture of THEIR feet, nor does the link take you to pictures of the actual children we are thinking about adopting)

So, I read the "child assessments" (where I live it is called that, it is a report about the child's whole foster case, family history, child's behavior, ect.) and we just sent off an email saying "Let's go ahead with the next step".

Holy crap.

Saturday, August 4, 2012


So, since I saw my blog on pintrest because of the list of foster blogs I have under that tab up there I finally updated my list.

About 25-50 posts ago I asked if anyone wanted to be added to it....and then I never got around to adding them all. Well, I finally did it. Everyone was added so you can go check it out.

Also, if you missed it before and want to be added feel free to leave your web address and a brief summary about yourself in the comment section of this post and maybe in 3 months or so I will get around to adding you. ;)

Also, if you would like to guest post on "mama foster" leave me a comment and we can arrange it. Anything about foster care or adoption would be great, especially personal stories.

Growing Up.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


When you first start to tell people that you plan on adopting (through fostering or the many other ways) have you noticed how many people try to give you someone else's baby that they have no business offering you? Or how everyone suddenly is an adoption coordinator that "has a friend that knows someone..." who maybe wants to give their baby up for adoption?

We had that happen a lot when we first started.

And NONE of it even came close to having us meet a child that we would ever have the opportunity to adopt.

It isn't until the paper work starts flying that you have any reason to believe that you may get to parent a child, well, at least that is true in most cases. I think I have seen one or two exceptions, but we have not been those exceptions.

So, today, our paper work started flying.

Which means those kids might just be ours.

You never know, but I am excited to figure it out.

(their adoption worker contacted our adoption worker asking for our home study and is sending us the child assessment so we can decide if we are officially interested)


Imagine my surprise when I found myself on Pintrest.

(notice the pic of my header?)

How funny :) Thanks for the shout out who ever pinned me.

Is it bad that I didn't re-pin myself? lol

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


No new info today.

Got all paperwork to our adoption worker that she may need.

She hasn't heard anything so I am interested to know for sure what is really going on.

Thinking about calling the kid's adoption worker, but don't want to bug her...

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

up. down. up.

I called the foster mom of the three kids to get an update.

We talked along time. The kids have had a rough couple of weeks. They are disobeying and the middle child (girl) is peeing in her pants way more than she should.

You know, typical foster care stuff.

Well, towards the end she told me that the adoption worker had ruled out the one Grandma officially and the 2nd Grandma never called to try to get them at all. Then she asked if they had been looking for any families to adopt them. Foster mom was told that 2 families have been found and she was under the impression that neither was us.

I hung up more disappointed than anything. I thought I would be relieved if they ended up with someone else, but that isn't how I ended up feeling.

I told my husband and he had that say look on his face - ok, but disappointed.


This morning I got a call from foster mom. She had talked to someone a little closer to the case. Yes, the Grandmas are out of the picture (I am not 100% sure it is over over, but it looks like it is over) and yes, they had found one family for the kids...

and it was us.

So, if this is correct, we are truly "next in line".

I guess we will see what happens now.

Saturday, July 28, 2012


Today my husband and I took the kids to the park. They road their bikes and I went down all the slides with Lizzy.

Most of the time she calls me "Mom", but every once in a while a "Mama" will sneak out.

I love it.

I love it when she calls me "Mama".

Thursday, July 26, 2012


Let's be honest. If you knew what you were getting into when you first thought "Hey, maybe we should foster!" you never would have done it.

Now, I'm not talking about your beautiful kids. I am taking about the hurt that surrounds them that you never knew you would take on as your own. I'm talking about the endless worry until they were permanently in a home that you knew was safe for them.

As it turns out, I don't scare as easily as I should...and as soon as I was far enough in to know just how scared I should be I had already fallen in love with a little person (or 3) and it was too late to run away.

I think this is exactly what the reason behind most people not fostering. They are scared...maybe a tad selfish too if I am going to go ahead and lay it all out there today.

I had reasons though. Not saintly reasons, but I did want to help a child and I did want to adopt. So, I didn't let the horror stories (which are true) scare me off. I dove in and acted like none of it would happen to us.

Of course we would be one of the ones who would get to adopt our first placement.

Except we weren't.

Of course if one of our kids shouldn't go home they wouldn't.

Except they did.

Of course we would be able to protect our kids.

Except we weren't allowed to.

From what I can tell I just wasn't smart enough to NOT foster. I don't scare easily enough I suppose.

I also would do it all over again. (apparently the smartness never kicked in)

Regardless of all the horribleness the kids are still there. The system isn't just broken, it is evil and backwards. There is not much that I believe more than that. The courts have to purposefully endanger the child all over again just to prove the parent should not parent.

When will we stop giving chances to people who just barely didn't manage to kill their children.

I would love to know.

When will "the system" stop tell good foster homes we are "too attached"? If ever I wanted to punch someone in the face it would be when that comment came out of their mouth.

We were a happy little family of three. There was minimal drama in our lives. No divorce or children from other sure is interesting to see what it is like to share your child with another set of parents. But, we wanted more. We wanted to "save a child" (don't worry, I have come to realize that we are not saviors).

We have gained 3 little people that are either still here or that we are getting to watch grow up.

And regardless of what I should have been scared of, well, I'm glad I wasn't.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


No, no new calls.

No, no news on the sib group of three.

No, no real plans to accept any new placements.

No, we have no idea what foster care will look like in our future.

No, we don't think three kids is all the kids we will end up with.

No, we don't think adding one, two or three more would be too many.

No, I don't think I have any idea what we would be getting into.

No, I don't miss visits, caseworkers, paperwork, court dates or any of that.

No, it's not over yet.

Sunday, July 22, 2012


Lizzy is so three years out itis not. Even. Funny.

Heaven help us all.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


i am sad today about all foster parents that have been wrongly accused of things while having children in their home.

i have one friend going thru it right now and one that is a story for another day.

if you think of it pray for justice for these people who are being false accused.

Monday, July 16, 2012


There is something about hearing you adopted child sing "Hallelujah" along with this song that makes you want to fall down on your face and cry out to God in thanks for what HE has done.

I could have been like so many others that said "I just couldn't do it, I couldn't give them back", but instead I said YES! I will do it, even if I get hurt in the end.

And look what God did when I did that.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


You know what I am NOT missing today?

I am NOT missing taking little ones to a visit and dreading their parents changing their diaper and then complaining about the diaper rash they have that STARTED RIGHT AFTER THEY GOT SICK FROM THE CANDY FOOD THESE PEOPLE GAVE THEM DURING THE LAST VISIT.

Yeah. Not missing that today.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


I ran across a boat load of pictures on my cell phone of the last two foster kids that left our home who we had grown very close to.

I got them on Dec. 17 a year and a half ago. They were part of a sibling group, 2 boys 2 girls. When I got the call for them I said I "would love to take the two girls" and then promptly called my husband and asked "Can I have two little girls for Christmas?"

When I went to the office to pick them up (yes, with my agency I have picked up all most all of my placements from the office, they did not bring them to me) I was a little overwhelmed. I had Lizzy with me, who had actually turned 2 years old the day I picked up these girls, and was picking up a 2 year old and a one year old.

The one year old was SO adorable and SO SO SO small. She was 15 months old and fit best in 6 mo. old clothes. When I saw her in the arms of the worker I was in shock because I was expecting a 1 year old...not a child that looked like an infant. She was swimming in the 18 mo. clothes that had been put on her. She honestly looked like she might have been a "little person" or something.

The two year old was "normal size" and acted almost ferrel. In months to come I would find that she most certainly acted like no one had ever really cared for her or tried to teach her how to act at all.

They both had very little hair and were most comfortable eating pretzels and the two year old was constantly stealing the one year old's bottle. I eventually got the two year old her own bottle because her obsession with the bottle was driving me nuts and I could see when she was sucking on her sister's bottle that she still had the tongue action of a child that took a bottle.

For a few weeks both girls had digestive issues constantly. The one year old had very very hard poop that would sometimes have white in it. I experimented with her diet and found that if I either gave her soy milk or lactose free milk her bowels finally acted normal.

The two year old had massive explosions all the time. I think she wasn't used to having much normal food to eat. She would blow out her diapers every day and it was so gross. Eventually she got used to eating more than pretzels.

The girls were with us for 5 1/2 months. The one year old was just the sweetest, funniest little thing ever and we all were in LOVE with her.

We had a harder time with the two year old. She was very wild, fought with Lizzy constantly and acted crazy 90 % of the time. We would put her in a crib to sleep and she would climb out of it a bazillion times and scream and cry when we tried to make her stay in there. She would see a toy someone else had and scream immediately for it. She was a wild one. She had the best laugh though. I can still hear it. I haven't thought about that laugh in a long time.

My favorite memory of them is the Easter we had with them. We had gone on vacation at the beginning of April and had not taken any of our foster kids with us. Because of how odd the 2 little girls' case was we didn't know if they would be there when we got back or not.

Before we left I had bought all the girls easter dresses and in my heart was sure I would get to see all my sweet little girls in their matching dresses. We went on vacation and came home to all of our (very sick) little girls.

On easter I went crazy and got them lots of toys, these kids definitely did not need any sugar. I dressed them in their adorable dresses and cute little shoes and sweaters and off to church we went. I smiled the whole time because God had told me that He was going to give me that day. I knew after that it was only a matter of time before they would leave.

The girls' case was horrible. Basically, the girls were taken from their bio mom while they were all living in a homeless shelter. Mom was on drugs. As soon as the kids were taken bio mom ran back to the state that she was originally from, not our state. That turned everything into a complicated mess. Our state wanted to turn the girls over to the other state's foster care system...but they wouldn't take them.

On June 1st the girls had a hearing THAT MY AGENCY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT. At the hearing our state told CPS to give the al the kids back to their bio mom because they didn't want to deal with this anymore. If the other state would not take the kids into foster care it was too bad. Mom had seem the kids once or twice in those 5 1/2 months and had had the opportunity too way more than that. She even came up for a hearing and had a visit scheduled that she flaked on. Our agency sent her money for a bus ticket (yes, cash) that she never bought and never came. The agency never got their money back and there were no repercussions for this.

Anyway, on June 1st I received a phone call telling me I had 4 hours to pack up the girls and bring them to the agency because they were being returned to their bio mom...who was never even require to take a drug test. I called my husband and he came home. I had been doing laundry all week so all the girls clothes were clean. It was very easy to pack. I sent them home with TONS of clothes, diapers, toys, ect...they had come with nothing. We spent our last two hours with the girls as a family. We went out to lunch and played at the park. I dressed them in adorable dresses for the last time and we took lots of pictures.

When the time came we took them to the agency. I put them in the social worker's car who was going to drive them down to the DHS office where mom waited. My girls, especially my little one, cried and reached for me to get her out of the car and take her home with me.

Worst feeling ever.

So they left. That was about a year ago. And we have never heard or seen them since.

I was told that the bio mom had gotten a ride with some friends and their was no room for the kids stuff so out of three duffle bags filled with stuff they only took one and the diaper I had packed them. I got all the other stuff back. I threw it in the basement and couldn't look at it for months.

That was one of the worst experiences of my life. One of my worst experiences in foster care.

And, no, I'm still not over it.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Snail pace.

In case I made it sound that way, it definitely isn't over for us.

It is HIGHLY unlikely that either grandma would be able to get approved to take the kids, it just draws things out longer.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Of course.

Now the other grandma wants them too.

She is on record as saying "I raised my kids, I'm not raising anyone else's" and "I could never adopt them because I could never keep them from their mother" when she was asked if she would take them when they needed a foster home two years ago.

She has seen them twice in those two years.

People are awesome.

Saturday, June 30, 2012


Just to update on the sib. group of three...

The grandma who "wanted" them (which everyone is sure could not get approved anyway) is not returning any phone calls from the adoption worker.

Hopefully she will be sending out a letter soon giving Grandma 14 days to respond or they will start looking for a family for the 3....

and I "think" we are next in line.

Thursday, June 28, 2012


I have seen Sabrina twice in the past 2 months.

The first time was last month at her 5th birthday party. It was so great! Her great aunt took over and planned her party and it was exactly the type of birthday party that we all throw our kids. I was so excited to see her have a normal birthday party. I also found out that they have some new friends in their trailer park that have been taking them to church every Sunday. That is a BIG deal. This family is NOT the church type and Sabrina's mom is excited about all of this.

I almost cried when I found out all of this. Seeing God take care of my little girl when I am not there to is more amazing than I thought it would be.

At the party we were treated like honored guests. I was introduced to everyone and everyone was very nice. The great aunt told me that she is so happy we are still in Sabrina's life. It was a good day.

Then, last week we got together "just because". We went and picked up Sabrina and her mom and headed towards the mall out by their house. In the same parking lot as the mall was a Chuck E Cheese which Lizzy saw and started getting all excited about so we went there.

We had tons of fun. Sabrina's mom, why still a bit odd, is able to hold such a better conversation than she used to and she is trying to be a good mom. She still does not parent like I do, but no one parents the same way.

After Chuck E Cheese we went over to the mall to play at the play area. As the kids are playing Sabrina's mom started asking me a few questions about foster care. Then she asked me if I had to write reports about the kids. I told her, no, not really. Financial stuff a bit, but other than that I don't really write reports about the kids.

I had no idea what she was getting at.

She then asked me if I wrote all the reports about the sexual abuse Sabrina had told me was going on in their home during the weekend over night visits that she had while she was living with us.

CRAP. Yes, I did write those. But, I lied and said that I didn't know what she was talking about.

I had no idea what to say.

She recently ran across all the old court papers and that is what brought all of this up. Her lawyer had handed her the paper I typed up that listed every thing Sabrina had told me.

I still have video of her telling me these horrible stories that no 3 year old could have just dreamed up and then started spouting off.

This is what has made this whole situation so hard. The person who she said was sexually abusing her still lives in the house. I saw him for the first time at her birthday party.

Anyway, I just told Sabrina's mom that I didn't know what she was talking about.

Seriously, I know it is wrong to lie, and I would have liked to just tell her the truth, but a mall with all of our kids around didn't seem like the place to do that. (excuses, excuses)

Then I get the pleasure of listening to her tell me how none of that had ever happened...blah blah blah. It was all I could do to not freak out and start screaming at her.

At the end of the day everything was fine and we are still fine. Because I lied. I wish I wouldn't have.

I don't know what I should have done.