Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Still waiting to hear any news on a real decision from the courts about when/if my little girls are moving.

Our social workers keep calling, but no answers yet.

Monday, March 28, 2011

“See now that I, I am He, and there is no god besides Me; it is I who put to death and I who give life. I have wounded and it is I who heal.” Deuteronomy 32:29


I have been reliving Sabrina going home over at

Her daughter "Jacket", after 16 months of being with her, was returned to her biological mom today at 4:30 pm.

Will you pray for both of them today? I am sure she (Rebecca, the foster mom) would be hesitant or even horrified to see anyone post that, but we all need it when we loose these kids. These kids need it when they loose us.

God knows. Please pray.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Never did hear anything.

Guess we are clear for this weekend :)

Who knows what next week will bring.

I finally FEEL like a foster parent. I truly am not that worried about.

I guess it only takes having your heart ripped out to realize it is out of your hands anyway.

Friday, March 25, 2011


No word yet on whether my two little girls are staying, leaving or anything else.

Not one word.

We'll see if we hear anything before the weekend. I have a feeling we won't hear anything until next week.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


"If the way these kids act is any indication of how happy your family is you guys must have a very happy life"

-guest that came over to our house on Tuesday

We aren't always happy.

This is anything but easy.

But we are so thankful for the life God has given us.

It is just too good not to share with these kids.

And, trust me, yours is too.

In the words of Maggie "You should foster, you'd be great at it!"

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

"Mama Mania"

Over at, "Mama Lark" has put together a panel of 11 foster moms.

I am one of these foster moms.

I am excited to sit on this panel and share my opinion. Hopefully after I share my first answer/opinion/experience I won't be mysteriously deleted from the list of foster moms asked to keep my opinions to myself from now on. :)

Hop on over there and check out the other foster moms, many of who I already follow, and also poke around "Mama Lark"'s blog. It's a good one. ;)

Monday, March 21, 2011


On Saturday I took the little girls to go see there brother for his birthday. They have 2 brothers, both who are in foster care as well, both living in the same foster home.

The kids did great. They had fun and when it was time to go everyone was fine with it so that was nice. The oldest brother said that he had never had a birthday party or presents on his birthday. I hope he is mistaken...but...

Over the next 7 days we will be waiting on egg shells to see if/when the kids will be moved to another state. I am hoping that they stay, but I think that that is not realist.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


I have an hour to kill between picking Lizzy up from her visit with her mom and picking up my son from school on Wednesdays. It kinda stinks because there isn't anything around there to do that is "easy" with 3 toddlers for an hour that won't end with them screaming over something at some point.

This Wednesday I decided to take all of the girls to a little mall 5 minutes from my son's school. It is usually pretty empty and I figured they could run through the halls if they wanted to. We ended up riding a few quarter rides which they LOVED and I found a vending machine that had M&M's in it so I bought a pack and we went to look at the fountain "water". I had to stop Lizzy from going in head first at least three times. The kids did ok, I would consider doing it again. I am just happy that I have finally gotten them to listen to me well enough that I can handle them all in public by myself now.

Oh, and Lizzy only screamed for most of the time that we walked down the LONG hall to the exit when we were done. :) *sigh*


Well, we made it through Lizzy's hearing, which, in the grand scheme of things could have gone better. I do think that she will probably be returned at the next hearing in June unless something crazy comes up.

Today, my other two girls had their hearing. It did not go so good. The referee said "You have two choices, give them back to the parents and dismiss the case or give it to the CPS in the state their parents are living in (which is not where I live)". His point being, get these kids in the same state as their parents. Our prosecutor does NOT want them given back to their parents with out a case plan being work and the state that mom and dad live in does NOT want the case. So, everyone is going in circles.

They have 7 days to figure it out. The likelihood of them being handed back to the parents is very small, I think in the end the judge is going to have to transfer the case himself which he said he didn't want to do back 3 months ago when he was in the court room.

I have no idea what is going to happen. There is a part of me that will be SHOCKED if they leave...and of course SHOCKED if they don't.

I already bought all of their easter dresses...we'll see if we make it that far.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to tell your foster child while they are misbehaving:

"If you do not stop acting like that I am going to call your (insert name for bio parent here) and tell them you are being bad and they will NOT be happy!"

Just curious :)

Monday, March 14, 2011


This week I have some questions that I would LOVE some input on from you.

The first one is:

What is THE best website you have run across concerning ADOPTION that you think any couple thinking about adopting should know about?


Well, our first court date this week is done.

Lizzy's mom had a hearing this morning at 9:30 am. My not so favorite social worker didn't even come, her supervisor did. It was odd because she had made an appt. with mom to do her home study right after court and now all the sudden is on vacation for the next two weeks? Something sounds fishy to me.

Besides that legal dad's visits stayed the same (insert cheer here!) one hour supervised! The lowest you can possibly have. I guess that his lawyer was fighting pretty hard to get him more time, but I had made several calls to Lizzy's lawyer very close to court telling him how she still screams when she sees him so HER lawyer obviously fought hard enough to keep things the way they are. I am very happy about that.

Mom is going to get over night visits after her home study. They are now saying that it will be 2 or 3 weeks before the home study because of this "mysterious vacation" she has all the sudden gone on. I asked how many nights and it sounds like they may start off with one night and if all goes well they will start weekend visits.

They ordered a background check on bio dad who mom is living with along with a psych eval. but no parenting classes or drug testing like the social worker had claimed he had to do last week.

Legal dad is FINALLY being drug tested!!! And he also has to go for a psych eval.

So, for the next 3 weeks everything will stay the same and then we will see what happens.

Now if we can just get thru Wednesday's court date for my 2 little girls.

Friday, March 11, 2011


Some things are just too funny not to share. I OFTEN find myself saying the oddest things...all because of my darling foster kids.

Here are a couple of them:

"Get that noodle off your nipple!"

"Stop trying to brush the doll's hair with that pickle!"

This is just from the past two days. I am a little scared to think of what tomorrow will bring.

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I have come to realize one thing over and over again.

My foster children have no rights.

Their parents have rights.

The children do not.

Just ask Lizzy who, after 9 months, still screams every time she has to have a visit with her legal dad.

Just ask Sabrina who TOLD people that she was being sexually abused at her mother's home and was still sent back there to live.

All you have to do is watch this system not work over and over and you will see...

...these kids have no rights.


*me and Lizzy*

Dear Lizzy's Mom,

There are many many many things that I have decided to ignore that you do or have told me about that make me feel like fighting tooth and nail to NOT let this child be placed back in your care. In fact, if I wasn't scared to death that she would end up with that horrid man you were married to when you gave birth to this child I would say more and be more proactive in trying to relieve you of your parent rights to her.

She deserves better.

Regardless, I often choose to ignore you cutting your visits short by 3 HOURS so you can go home and sleep and how you don't even take care of her while you do spend time with her.

But, getting into a huge fight with Lizzy's social worker THE WEEK BEFORE COURT is not a good plan. Calling her "every name in the book" is probably not going to help you and to top it off the social worker is now asking if you are back on drugs - that is not a good sign. Do you think it made everyone suspicious when you canceled your home study for this week? I am sure it didn't. Letting me know in a "I'm not a good liar" kind of way that people are currently smoking pot in your home is not a good plan either.

In one day you probably set your case back 3 months. I guess this is what you do though. Your daughter was gone for 3 months with relatives and you did NOTHING to get her back...well, except for getting throw in jail for 30 days which cleaned you up so you could actually pass a drug test when you got out.

Please, Lizzy's mom, she is going to go home to you, I am sure, but you have to do better than this.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011


This is a little late coming, but I have a dear friend who has a foster baby that has a big meeting today. The baby may be placed with a relative that may not be the best choice for this little one.

Will you pray for strength for my friend and for God's BEST for this child? I am having a very hard time watching child after child go to less than a decent home.


Please be present at this meeting. Do not let one thing enter into this child's life that hasn't gone thru your hands first. Lord, we are so weary, this is a hard path to walk, but your strength is made perfect in our weakness.

We are trusting YOU to take care of this precious life. Lord, would you please bind the enemy and give him no ground here.

In JESUS precious precious name,

All of us.

Would you leave a comment on this post to show my friend how many people are praying for her and this precious little life?


Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Today I called Tina and the baby's social worker. They have a court date next week (so does Lizzy) and I wondered what the social worker was hoping would happen at this court date.

The girls were supposed to be moved to a different state after the last hearing, so I thought, but obviously they have not been. The social worker told me today that at the last hearing the judge said they were not going to move the case, if CPS wanted it moved to the other state they would have to move it. The social worker said she ran into the worker over her head on this case and she said that CPS had decided not to move the kids. So, next week we will hear what is going on with moves.

Besides that, the kids have not seen their parents in 2 months. They have been in care for 3 months total and have only seen their parents once right after the hearing. They have not been returning phone calls, have not done anything at all to get the kids back...all that has happened is the social worker did get one phone call back from dad and nothing was accomplished by that phone call.

It kills me that mom hasn't called. Hasn't visited. Hasn't showed that she cares at all.

Seriously, 3 months without your kids-what does she think this is? A vacation? A break? A good time for a drug binge?

It will be very hard for me to ever get behind her getting these kids back if she ever starts trying.

Monday, March 7, 2011


Foster Care is a HUGE gray least for me. You see, I have come up with my retirement plan and it is sounding pretty good. I am going to go to Guatemala and hold babies that aren't mine, who don't have mommies to hold them, until I die.

No adoptions, no gray area, I just hold who needs to be held. I will cuddle them, feed them, kiss them and act like I am their mommy for every minute they are in my arms, and then I will set them down and move on to the next one. I won't wonder if they are going to be mine forever because I will know that they won't be.

I wanted to adopt. I never would have started fostering if I didn't think we were going to adopt. Now, I am wondering if we are "just" foster parents. I didn't want to be "just" a foster parent. Now, it seems to be what is fitting. Yet another twist that was not part of my plan.

"Just" a foster parent.

It kinda makes me want to run away and "just" be a lady that holds babies in another country.

And then again, it kinda feels right.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


Things used to be different inside my head. I used to live in some what of a fairy tail land where things always worked out they way I hoped they would.

I married my high school sweet heart and 10 years later we are still happy and together. We made a beautifully perfect little boy on our first try. We started a business and I got the best of both worlds, staying home with my baby AND making money from home. We decided to become foster parents and I was handed the most beautiful little girl and fell in love with her instantly...

...and then month by month everything fell apart. Before this everything else had worked out in the way we had hoped it would so this should have worked out too right? If nothing else we should have been able to protect her even if we could keep her...right? Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong, Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Everything fell apart. Everything that could have happened in order for her to not be returned did AND SHE STILL WENT HOME.

16 months and now she has vanished out of our lives and we are left to do what?

Keep doing this? Things haven't gotten any easier. In fact, things seem to keep getting harder and harder with no end in sight.

I honestly thought this would end up like everything else in my life. It didn't and it sucks. The bubble has been popped and all of our fairy tail feelings about fostering to adopt have been ripped up and thrown in a huge bon fire along with everyone else who has raised a child for years only to have them thrown back into the mess they were "saved" from all that time ago.

I have dug through this ruble every day since she left, every day since deciding not to adopt Joseph and all I can come up with is that I do like fostering...I just don't like hoping to adopt when it isn't an option. I don't like watching my kids suffer, but I am happy to stand with them and try to bare some of it for them. I love them, I probably love them all too much and most definitely to a fault.

I never would have started this "just to foster". It has been so hard to watch our dreams of adoption crumble all around us. BUT doesn't live here. If you kick around the ashes you will see sadness, heart ache, strength, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness...but, not regret.

We are still waiting for the joy and peace to be a permanent figure in our memories as we look back at all of this...but it will come. Someday.

The day that she left my hope and faith was shattered. It is still very very broken, but it won't be that way forever. God doesn't work that way.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


(pertaining to Joseph's adoption worker)

Nope, I didn't report her. I didn't even discuss anything about the situation with anyone at our agency besides the adoption worker herself.

(pertaining to Lizzy's foster care worker)

Yep, she called me as soon as she got back to the office to let me know that she had been there and missed us (insert giggles here). I had just made an appt. for Lizzy's new therapist (insert eye roll here) to come over this Friday and went ahead and invited her to that. Trying to kill two birds with one stone, she is planning on coming.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Do you remember Joseph's adoption worker? Well, she was the supervisor for the adoption division of our agency. I don't know how or why, but she isn't anymore. She is now just an adoption worker.