Monday, June 24, 2013



I have no idea when we are going to finalize our littest's adoption.

I am hoping it really is in July, but, having received no word on that yet, I am guessing it will not be in July.

I know she isn't going anywhere.

I know all the sudden the paperwork will be done.

I know it will come and go as fast as our last finalization date.

I'm just ready.  Ready for it to be done.  No more workers or paperwork...or anything.

I am so ready for this to be done!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Heart Breaking.

Text from Lizzy's bio dad on Father's Day:

Him:  "Hi"

Me:  -snapped quick pic of Lizzy and wrote "Happy Father's Day"-

Me:  -snapped quick 2nd pic and sent that one as well-

Him:  "Awwww hi boogie"

Me:  "She said hi!"  (no she didn't, but that is what I sent back)

Him:  "Thanks tell her i love your day going"

Me:  "We are good.  She is having a good day.  I hope u are too.  Happy Father's Day!"

Him:  "Thanks...tell your husband the same"

Me:  "I will.  Thank u for being Lizzy's father from day one.  I'm glad she has you."

Him:  "Thanks i will always lover her..she's the apple of my eye..."

Friday, June 14, 2013

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Her eyes.

When I look into my newest baby's eyes I wonder....

Did her mother have any idea that the moment she handed her baby over to the police it would be the last time she would EVER see her?

Did her heart sink to her feet when she heard the knock at the door that she knew would come eventually?

Did a tiny part of her say goodbye forever as she kissed her on the head?

Everytime I look into this sweet baby's eyes I can't help but wonder how heart broken her first mother is....because I know how heart broken I would be if someone came to the door and demanded that I hand her over to them, forever.

I don't see her first mom as a monster.  I can't.  I have handed over my "daughter" to a social worker (to be returned to her bio mom) and I know what it feels like to wonder if I will EVER see my little girl again.

I know how badly it hurts.

In my heart I hope someday it will be a GOOD idea to contact their bio mom and let her back into their lives.  It is hard to be in a spot where you will never really know if that is the case.  I want that for her though.  I want her to get to see the children she gave birth to again.