Thursday, June 11, 2015


Today is the kids last day of school and tomorrow we are leaving to go on a mini vacation.  Yesterday we purchased a 15 passenger van.  For the past three years we have been driving 2 cars everywhere we go as a family.  I am so glad that is over.

As I am packing and getting things ready to go here is the list of things that I am also having to plan out for my kids who struggle with change:

-Deciding who is going to have to wear pull ups in the car for the long drive because

A. They might stress pee in the car (I have an 8 yr old and 5 year old who do this)
B.  They might wait until there is no where to stop to use the bathroom to actually tell us they have to pee (I have a 7 year old who does this all the time.)

-figure out a seating chart that gives people space and keeps 1 specific child from bugging people because she bugs everyone that she sits next to

-pack puke buckets because my kids seem to puke for no reason at the oddest and most inconvenient times

-what to pack to entertain them all (which is normal), but it has to be stuff they can't destroy the car with because, if given the opportunity, they will.

-and back to the seating chart, have to keep the child who has acted out sexually away from everyone so he doesn't get any bright ideas in the car

So, to sum things up, I have to worry about people inappropriately touching each other, people peeing  in the car for no really valid reason, worrying about them destroying the car, and prepare for at least one of them to puke unexpectedly.

Happy vacation to us!  ��

Wednesday, June 10, 2015


My oldest daughter has taken up crying in the morning before school because 'she will miss me.'  She doesn't do it every day and if I am being honest sometimes I wonder if she is just trying to manipulate me.

I, of course, want the tears to be because she truly would rather be with me than at school BUT I also want her to be independent, have fun, and enjoy school.

We moved in January, so half way through the school year we switched schools.  During the first semester my oldest 3 children when to public school.  No one, including this same daughter, cried about going to school.  If fact, I think her old teacher was so much fun and even favored her so much because this teacher had also adopted from Foster care herself, that she got used to every day being a party and feeling 'special' every day.

After we moved we decided to home school our two oldest boys for the rest of the year.  I decided to transfer my oldest daughter to the public school where we moved to and also enrolled Lizzie in school because home schooling her was not working for her in the way I hoped it would.  Lizzie has also had at least one day where she cried because she would 'miss me' while she was at school.

Over all, Lizzie has done beautifully.  She manages to hold things together at school and doesn't get in much trouble, but as the teachers will tell you,she  is harder to deal with than an average child.  She has learned much more in school than she was with me at home.  She is receiving special services and they are benefitting her.  Unfortunately, as I assumed, she comes home every evening and has to spill out all the bad behavior that she was holding in all day.  She also likes to say and do every negative thing that she sees other children doing at school. That has been kinda hard, but we expected it so we try to be flexible and work throught it with her as best as we can.

Yesterday I went with my oldest daughter to a field trip to the zoo.  We had a great day.  She was paired up with a classmate who did not have a parent come with them and the two girls had a great time together.

I am thinking that our great day yesterday is what brought on the tears this morning.  I can't tell you how much I want to send the bus away without them when they cry, but that doesn't help really because it all just starts over the next day.  My husband and I take turns getting the girls off to school in the morning.  They never do this to him because they know it won't get them anywhere.

After today they only have one more day of school.  I am very happy to have a break from it!

Monday, June 8, 2015


Saturday I found a lot of pee soaked articles in my child's bedroom.  You can check out the post below to see how I felt that day.

Sunday we had a great day.  The kids all did great at church, and my child who had been hiding pee all over their room was being oh so sweet in hopes mom would act like the pee had never happened.

Around 7 pm Sunday night I decided to ask the child if they wanted to talk about what happened.  I had very good intentions of clearing the air and was hoping we would be able to move forward while becoming closer.

What lofty goals I make for us.

In speaking with said child I was told that they are scared of monsters in the closet at night so they pee in the bed instead of going to the bathroom.  Ok, I can deal with that.  The child was crying so of course I believed the story of waist high grimmlins that were being imagined.

I decided to go up to the bedroom and show the 'scared' chd that there was no secret door that was letting them in AND was even going to block of an area of said closet that was the focus of these fears.

As I went into the depths of the closet, underneath a blanket in a far back corner, I found more hidden pull ups.  The pee filled  pull ups were from a LONG time ago.  Ok, we have one lived here six months, but they were from about five months ago.

Common sense is not something my child possesses yet.  A huge lie of a story blaming another child for these actions was spun for me, and I was not giving into any of it.  This went on for two hours.  For two hours I was lied to no matter how much I begged them to let the truth out.  It was so sad.  I could tell that the child was convinced that if the same lie was said enough times I would believe it.  I did my best to not threaten discipline, but not matter what reassurance I gave the the true would 'set them free' the lies continued, centered around trying to throw a sibling under the bus for actions they did not commit.

After two hour the truth came out in a very detailed way.

All trust that had been built over the past five months was already destroyed.

We feel like we have been fooled into thinking healing was happening and trust was being built when really the wool was just being pulled over our eyes.

Today is a new day.  I guess we will start all over, again.

Saturday, June 6, 2015


There has been more to my blogging silence than just being busy.  Since bringing our sibling group of three home we have been in survival mode.  Every time things start to settle down their bio mom pops out another baby.  Despite the fact that we knew we were at our limit with six children, we said yes to the next two babies that were born.  We have gone from parenting two children at the beginning of 2012 to parenting eight children by the end of 2014.
I have gotten everything I ever wanted out of Foster care.  I have adopted my Foster child, I have adopted a large sibling group, I have adopted a new born baby and will adopt another new born baby very soon.  I feel incredibly blessed...and overwhelmed.
Every single one of my adopted children that are over the age of one have some very difficult behaviors that have consumed our lives.  Thankfully we have not had to deal with any violence or rages, but we have dealt (or are currently dealing with the following)

Destruction of property
Sexual acting out
Inappropriate touching
Learning disabilities
Extreme jealousy
Continuous bad decision making
Extreme defiance
Bad attitudes
Extreme self centered ness
Food issues
Emotional health issues
Attachment issues
RAD like behavior

The list could go on.  On my end I have been dealing with my our behavior and issues.  I have been extremely dissappointed in my own ability to parent my children.  My patience, tolerance, love, and determination are all severely lacking at times.  The kids' list of problems is huge and my own list of mistakes I have made is probably equal in length.

Some days are better than others, but, in all honesty, we are struggling and it is hard to write about it.  If I was to truthfully blog about our days it would be quite ugly at times.  Over all we are moving forward, it is just at a snails pace.  Days like today remind me to be thankful for the good days.  Today was a 'one step forward two steps back' kinda day BUT my reaction to the poor choices of my child were 100% better than they used to be.  I can honestly say that today I got it right, which is something I cannot always say.

If you need me I will be cleaning peed bedding and about four days worth of pee covered clothes that I found hidden in my child's dresser.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

He's here, and has been.

For the life of me I can't believe I left off like that.  I have found that eight is the majical number of children that makes it official:  I can't do anything I want ever.  :)

He got here on dec. 22, just like his older sister.  I didn't plan that.  God did.

We have had him for 3 months and we will be finishing the adoption around the six month mark.

Him bios didn't fight for him.  They said they would get lawyers and did not.  They walked out of the termination trial.  They weren't interested in working a case plan.  They didn't appeal the termination.

It makes me happy for us and sad for them.

I can't tell you how much I hope they don't have any more children.  We are maxed out.  They won't let us take anymore even if we want to.  I want the kids together.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Sunday is coming.

when I wrote "history sometimes repeats itself" I had no idea how profetic that would turn out to be.

Two years ago my husband drove over an hour to pick up our new baby four days before Christmas.

On Sunday I will drive over an hour to pick up our new baby four days before Christmas.

I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

The Baby.

So, the baby that was supposed to come last week is supposed to come next week.

For real.

This is what I am dealing with.

According to his caseworker, the paperwork got send back to him because they wanted to know the ages of our children (to make sure we didn't already have 3 under three years old I think) and to see if any of them had any special needs.

At this point I am just glad someone is touching the paperwork I guess.

He is coming.

At some point.