Calls.

The reason I asked if you all had ever called CPS on anyone is because I ran into someone I almost called CPS on.

Years ago this couple at the church I went to had a baby. These are two very nice people...but, they appear slow to me. Anyway, their baby got cradle cap, a HORRENDOUS case of it. Of course, I did not jump to conclusions right away. Kids get nasty skin issues all the time and it can take A WHILE to get rid of them, but when this child was 2 years old and still had this horribleness going on on her head and it was a BLOODY mess I came VERY close to calling on them. I sat by the mom at a church event and asked her some questions. I asked her if she had ever SCRUBBED her head to try to get it off. I asked her what the Dr. though about it. I asked her other things and her answers started to contradict each other. I was horrified.

I spoke with 2 people at the church that were "leaders (woman)" and asked why they had not done anything because they see the kids way more than I do. They didn't have any good excuse. After this I decided to not call because these people would know it was me because I had just talked to them. I kept an eye on that little girl and FINALLY it started to get better. Now, about 2 years later, they have a son as well who has never had any issue like this. I see them every week now and they kids look perfect and healthy.

Over all I am glad that I didn't call. I still wonder if I should have, but what really ended up stopping me (besides knowing people would know it had been me) was that I couldn't guarantee that they would go to a good home if CPS would have taken the kids. I was so worried they would end up in a worse home that I held off.

Knowing all of this, that in the end she ended up fine, would you guys still call?

Anonymous.

Ok, I want to know, and feel free to leave anonymous comments if you wish, but how many of you HAVE CALLED CPS ON SOMEONE TO REPORT A CHILD BEING NEGLECTED OR ABUSED?

I am curious, because I ALMOST have several times, but have yet to go thru with it.

Have you done it? And if you are up for sharing, why?

Victory.

"Mrs. W******, I know you can't see me, but I am holding my arms up in a sign of 'V' for Victory."

-the Judge over seeing Lizzy case as she, with joy in her voice, told us this should be done in around 30 days. (I was on speaker phone with them while they conducted the hearing)

I will be officially the mom of 3 very very soon.

Our God is good, so so good.

Life.

Happy Mother's Day to the woman that gave birth to Lizzy.

Without you there is no her.

For that I will be forever in your debt.

My Baby.

Once in a while, still, I have to wander into the agency to drop off paper work or something. I cannot tell you how amazingly wonderful nice it has been to NOT have to go there for visits.

When you don't have to go there you feel like "A girl could get used to this" which makes me wonder if I really ever want to foster again. That is a post for another day.

So, back when we were up there more often for my kiddo's visits, I was always very weirded out at the thought that someone would think my son was a foster child. I don't know why, but the thought of someone thinking he was my foster child...well, no thanks.

It has been funny having the new baby. I haven't had much interaction with the agency, but there is a part of me that wants someone to be like "So, when are you going to fill out her seasonal clothing log?" just so I can say, "I DON'T HAVE TO SHE IS MINE!!!!"

Yeah, fostering has made me crazy.

But, it has made me enjoy all the crazy stuff I don't have to do even more.

I am so excited for Lizzy's adoption to be finalized!

Gone.

Lizzy's bio grandma died. The viewing and funeral service were held about 4 minutes from my house.

Bio mom called and left this message:

"my mom passed on the 3rd. We are only having a one day viewing today at ***** Funeral Home and we are having a dinner tomorrow some time, I don't know when though. If you can pick up a paper and clip out the obit for Lizzy. Call me back."

She had called from her aunt's phone number that I have programmed into my phone. When I saw it I didn't pick up.

My first instinct was to take Lizzy up to the funeral home.

My husband's response was "you are nuts, Lizzy is not going up there."

I'm glad she has one saine parent.

Technically, Lizzy is still not allowed to have any contact with her bio mom or legal dad...so legally I should not have even thought about taking her over there. Also, when you think about the tail spin in could have sent Lizzy into seeing her bio mom for the first time in months....well, I doubt it would have been a good idea for her emotionally.

In the obit, which I read online - I didn't run out and buy a paper, Lizzy was listed as one of the surviving grandchildren along with her brother that bio mom has not seen in 8 years.

Seeing her name in that paper still irks me....but it is also the truth. She is the granddaughter of this lady.

I am still constantly surprised how children can be adopted by other people and gone for years and some people act as if they are still in their lives when they are not at all. It is sad. I wish that Lizzy's mom was not mentally ill. I wish she could have been a good mom to the babies she made. I wish kids didn't need to be adopted. I wish kids didn't have to have a bio family and an adoptive family.

Most of all I hope Lizzy grows up knowing how much she is loved and wanted and perfectly placed into our family just as much as our other kids are.

Yes.

Yes, I believe Lizzy has RAD like behaviors.

I hate typing that.

But, I do not believe she has RAD...at least not to the degree that I am super concerned about it. I had a foster son that I believe with every fiber of my being has RAD...the kind that scares me. We did not adopt him because of this.

Lizzy is an interesting case. As much as her bio dad annoys me sometimes, she did bond with him thus, I believe, saving her from a much worse case of RAD. Had her only care come from her bio mom she would have had RAD even if she had stayed with her mom for her entire life because her mom is in capable of caring for a child, nurturing a child, or making much of a connection with any human being at all. Lizzy, in fact, was/is in love with her bio dad. She is moving on from this and it is quite obvious that she is transferring that to my husband.

I am extremely glad about this.

I, on the other hand, am reaping the benefits of her mother's actions. I am who she directs her RAD behavior at. I believe she wants to love me. I believe she was me to love her...but all she knows when it comes to a mom is disfunction. When I first got her she acted as if her bio mom didn't exist when they were in the same room. She really liked my hubby and acted like I was nobody for a while.

It is obvious that Lizzy is attached to me. It is just our interaction that is still dysfunctional. I think that I also have let some of my actions mirror hers and it is getting us no where and making me hate how I act towards her some days.

This evening I was holding my newest baby who I had just wrapped up in a blanket because she was crying. She has a hard time in the evening, so I try everything under the sun to comfort her. This evening, as it stormed outside, I stood in front of our large picture window and swayed with her while patting her back a certain way. She eventually closed her eyes. As I looked at her I thought to myself "That is what a mom does. She keeps trying until she finds what her child needs, what works for that child."

Often when I am holding Baby K my mind wonders to how I am parenting Lizzy. I want what I have with baby K with Lizzy. And I am not going to give up until I get it.