Monday, October 31, 2011


Someday I will be done with foster care. I imagine eventually they will drive us nuts and we will just quit.

I wanted to record this conversation with Lizzy's new social worker that I had today.

Me: "Lizzy is sick, runny yellow snot and laying on the couch sick, do you still want me to bring her for her visit?"

Social Worker: "Yes, go ahead and bring her anyway. And if mom needs transportation she needs to call me herself"

Me: "Ok, now have you heard from dad about the visit today?"

Social Worker: "No, but I am going to assume he is coming so bring her anyway."

Me: "She is sick, his visit is in the middle of her nap. If you guys are not transporting him to the visit he isn't coming."

Social Worker: "Well, I was just going to assume he was coming."

Me: "So you are going to do the opposite of what we have done for the last 18 months, when she is sick and I would have to wake up a sick kid from her nap to bring her to a visit that isn't going to happen because he isn't coming."

Social Worker: "I am working on trying to get ahold of him. Let me talk to my supervisor and let you know what they say."

Me: "Ok."

I then called Lizzy's mom and found out that she couldn't do the visit today so I called the social worker back.

Me: "Hi, it's me. Mom can't come at that time even if you guys were transporting her so I gave her all your information and told her that she needs to call you to set up something for next week."

Social Worker: "Ok, I put in a call to Dad, he didn't answer. Our transporter has to leave at 11:45 am to pick him up for the visit so I will let you know if they leave to go get him."

Me: "Ok"

Last phone call of the day.

Me: "Hello?"

Social Worker: "Hi, dad never called back so the visit is cancelled."

Me: "Ok, so we are just planning on all this again for next Monday?"

Social Worker: "Yes."

Me: "Ok, and are you the official new worker on the case or the sub?"

Social Worker: "I am the sub, we are waiting for __________ to get out of training and then she will be taking over the case. That will be in about 3 weeks."

Me: "Ok, thanks for everything. Bye."

Shoot me.


Lizzy's mom canceled the visit today because "I have to take my friend's kids trick-or-treating tonight and we are leaving during that time to go take them."


I see where Lizzy falls on the priority list.

And for the record WHO IS LEAVING YOU IN CHARGE OF THEIR KIDS?!?!?!? I am hoping she is just helping them take their kids...oy.


This is an old picture from when Tina and the Baby were still here.

It is amazing how much you can miss someone. My husband, son and I still tear up when we see a picture of that baby. She was just too precious. She was as cute as she could be plus was so happy. It is so weird to mourn someone who isn't dead...but, it feels like the same kind of loss.

Anyway, today Lizzy has visits scheduled for today...I don't know if they will get canceled or not. Mom called Friday to get transportation and I am sure no one did anything about that. We are "in-between" workers and plus they want more notice than that if they need to pick the bio parent up.

Boy was Dad is a drugged up state at the last visit. He was OUT of it. I think it is due to the lithium he is on now, but boy, I don't know how he could possible care for a child, let alone himself, while he is on that.

I don't even know what to do about Mom. I think technically my job is to do nothing, so I guess I will go with that. I wish the workers were more available...but Mom is the one who is totally undependable so it really isn't the worker's fault.

I literally consider Mondays my "throw away" day. Based on these crazy people I might as well throw Monday in the trash every week because I never know what is going to happen and can't make any plans other than to be available for who ever wants to show up that day.

Ugghhh...anyway, Happy Halloween!!!!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Lizzy's mom.

Lizzy's mom called me Wednesday...two days after her visit that didn't happen on Monday that she didn't show up for and didn't call to cancel.

I said, "So, what happened Monday?" Her response was, "Ummm, I don't know."

That was all she had. Didn't even take the time to make up a lie to excuse it.


Anway, she just called me. "Can you call the worker and tell her I need transportation for the visit on Monday? The guy that I was with just stole $40 form me, $60 from my aunt and my pills and took off. I talked to his mom and apparently he stole a gun from her house before we came up here from *insert other state she was living in*."

So, because I am her whipping dog I did call the agency to tell them she needed transportation for Monday. But, I didn't even know who to ask for! Seriously, I don't know the name of her worker, the name of the one. Her old worker wasn't there so I I ended up leaving a message with someone who I couldn't even tell what they were saying their name was on their voicemail.

I have a feeling transportation for Monday isn't going to happen for Monday.

Oh, and no, mom didn't ask how Lizzy was or anything. She was too busy worrying about what was going on in her life.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


When ever I tell my sister "So and so called me and said *insert some crazy story from someone that is related to any of my foster kids* she always says "Why do you answer their phone calls?!?!" :)

Maybe when you guys read my posts you think the same thing. :)

At least the phone calls are a little "entertaining"...

Anyway, Sabrina's mom's friend who calls CPS on her all the time called me a few minutes ago.

"I called CPS on Sabrina's mom again. I went to her house and knocked on the door and Sabrina answered. It looked like no one was home and when I asked her where her mom was she said she was in her bedroom sleeping-which she was"

"Sabrina's mom was at my house last night and was talking to herself, she was almost in a psychotic state and was acting like talking to herself was completely normal. She isn't taking her bi-polar medicine"

(I know, I know, if Sabrina's mom is such a horrible person why would this "friend" let her in her house? I want to ask her that all the time.)

They actually went quite a while without speaking after the last time she called CPS on her. CPS went out to the house (didn't find anything too upsetting), but Sabrina's mom told her friend that CPS had taken Sabrina. Her friend called me up and told me "She said CPS took her!" which they had not.

She also told me tonight, "You know those books you made her full of pictures of you guys with her? I was in her room with her and she held one of those books up and said "I loved it in foster care, but I like it hear too". Um, I can't hear a 4 year old wording a sentence like that.

She (the friend) is always trying to get me to call CPS on Sabrina's mom. I have NEVER called CPS on her...because I have no proof.

Apparently Sabrina's mom sits around talking about me though because her friend told me "So I hear you pregnant..."

Glad to hear I am part of their conversation. :p


I always love hearing from you.

I am curious, have your cases closed closer to the 12 months mark? I struggle so much with no one (i guess the court system?) following these time lines that have been put in place.

Lizzy turns 3 in December, obviously there will be no completed adoption by then so IF we get to adopt her I am glad that she will have that money for the future.


The petition for termination of both of Lizzy's parents has been emailed over to the district attorney in the county she is from. He is going to look over it and "correct" anything that needs to be corrected and then send it back (to the worker?) and then it goes off to the judge for a termination trial to be set.

I am guessing 3 months from now?

This is a SLOW process. Lizzy's worker, the one I liked that just changed jobs, said after the last visit that this case will probably push 2 years. From what I have seen this is starting to look normal.

We'll see what happens.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Lizzy had such a great time carving pumpkins with my hubby and son. Last year she would cry and shake if the pumpkin or pumpkin guts got too close to her. This year she wasn't thrilled...until my husband showed her how much fun it was and then she dove right right.

It reminded me of how far she has come and what a different child she is now compared to the little rolli polli that I brought home from the agency about a year and a half ago.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


So, yesterday, legal dad showed up and mom didn't. I am very disappointed in mom.

Anyway, I saw legal dad kiss Lizzy on the face and I have seen him kiss her tons of times on the mouth. After the visit the social worker, therapist, and I were sitting around talking. Lizzy climbed up in my lap and tried to kiss me on the mouth and I put my hand in front of her. I was horrified to do this, but until I get her cleaned up I do not let her kiss me on the mouth after seeing him. He is dirty, so dirty that the social worker told me that she had check Lizzy's diaper to see if she pooped because dad smelled so bad she thought Lizzy might have pooped in her diaper. She hadn't.

He is a drug addict.

He has discolored spots on his lips...I don't know what he has.

Anyway, immediately after I told Lizzy not to kiss me I turned to the social worker and therapist and said, "I am sorry, but he is filthy and I don't know what disease he has and I am pregnant."

Neither knew I was pregnant yet.

What a fun new way to announce it to people :/

Monday, October 24, 2011


Dear Mr. Fortune Cookie,

Next time could you please mean Lizzy's mom...not her legal dad who managed to come see her in some drug induced haze today.

And, could you tell her mom to stop being an idiot too?



Friday, October 21, 2011

For real?

This was Lizzy's "fortune" from her fortune cookie tonight at dinner.

No one else got one that said anything like this.

I am not superstitious...but are you kidding me?


When you get your licensed renewed or you know a worker is stopping by I know most of you probably clean a little more than you normally do. We are all concerned that they might judge us over how much dust is on our molding or thing we are not good care giver because the bathroom doesn't look perfect.

Oh, how silly that is, at least where I am.

Some of you will probably be horrified/jealous to hear this, I actually find it horrible. Convenient for me, but horrible.

Yesterday the licensing worker came out to renew our license. To get ready for this I made sure all the fire alarms were working, the water heater was set on the appropriate temperature, the basement was free of children's toys because our foster kids are not allowed to play in our basement because we do not have an egress window, and cleaned cleaned cleaned.

So, she comes in and we sit in the kitchen. She asks if anything has changed, I said no. She has me sign the paper work I need to sign, goes into my bedroom to talk to my 9 year old son while he was watching TV in my bedroom AND paying on the ipad 2...and then she was done.

She didn't check anything. No medicine lock up, no fire alarm, didn't even glance into Lizzy's room...nothing.

Can I tell you something? No one ever does. In the past year including this visit no one has ever made sure that ANYTHING was the way it was supposed to be.

Can any of you guess why kids end up in crappy foster homes? Yeah, me either.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


We got our licensed renewed today.

While the worker was here Lizzy acted like the most terrible child you have ever seen.

I mentioned to the worker that I remember her being terrible last year while she was here and the worker remembered too.

I don't know why she does this.

Today she finally made me want to cry.


Today I am sad. I miss some of my other foster kids who have left.

When I get too sad about it I get kinda mad.

I get mad about how unfair this whole process is. I get mad that not only do we loose "our" kids - they loose us.

I swear, if I was ruler of the universe I would MAKE the bio parents maintain a relationship with the foster family for the child's sake.

I know not every situation should be dealt with that way...but, some should.

I want my kids to be happy WITH THEIR FAMILIES. I want them to know WE DID NOT DECIDE TO GIVE THEM AWAY.

I I I I I.

I guess I have a lot of what I want on my mind today.

I have not had one bit of happiness that had to do with foster care that didn't end in heartbreak.

Foster Care is a sad world to live in.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I have to try to remember the cute things Lizzy that I don't loose my mind.

Like how she will yell "Thank you, Mommy!" when I am doing something she really wants me to do ... or getting her something she really wants me to get her.

Or like how she will smile at me when she is trying to make me smile because I am giving her a "look".

And how she has started wrinkling her nose when she smiles.

Or how she says, "Are you serious?" about random things because she is copying me ... I guess I tend to say that a lot.

I love how she will want to hold my purse and swings it over her shoulder like a little old lady carrying her purse very close to her.

She will try to sit in the exact way I am sitting, making a HUGE effort to cross her legs just the way I am.

She is always happy in the morning when you come to get her out of bed.

She has a sleepy eyed face when she just wakes up that is very two years old still.

I love that she named her favorite doll "Daughter". It may be the best name I have ever heard a doll named.

She plays with match box cars for long periods of time. She will carry around a backpack with them and various other toys in it and will plop it down in whatever room she wants to play in and will sit there and play with it for quite a while.

She finally watches TV and loves Dora and Elmo and Bubble Guppies.

She will grab one of her diapers and tries to change "Daughter's" diaper for her.

Lizzy is a very special little girl. She also is a very stubborn child. She is whiny and wants her way NOW! She seems to not be able to focus on things I am aware other two year olds can focus on.

Lizzy is showing a lot of progress in a lot of areas...and little progress in other areas. She is still a baby really. She is so young.

I really hope she ends up exactly where God wants her. I supposed she will even if it isn't where I think she should be.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I thought I would tell you a story.

Lizzy's ears used to be pierced. By the time she got to me they had grown in. After I had had her for well over 8 months her mom brought a pair of gold stud earring to a visit and gave them to me.

"I got new earrings," she said. "So take these and jam them through Lizzy's ears while she is sleeping."

I kinda blew her off, but took the earring and said I would think about it. I never even considered it. I would basically have to re-pierce her ear with these none pointy earrings to get them threw her little ear lobes. Have you met this child? "Jam them through while she is sleeping." oh yeah, and listen to her scream and cry for the next two hours? Not only would I be hurting her, I am thinking my agency might not want me re-piercing anyone's ears.

She called me a couple times and asked me if I did it and I said, "No."

Later, after I had basically blown her off three times, she told me "Oh, we'll just get them re-pierced when she comes home, don't worry about it."

Yeah...don't worry...I couldn't have been any farther than "worried about it".

Why do I post these stories? Because this is what it is like to deal with the families of these kids. Some people are "lucky" and don't have to deal with the families or even meet them. That is not the case with me. I have to meet them, I even have to work out visits outside of the agency with them sometimes. I do not have to give them my phone number or talk to them outside of during the visit, that is my choice. While it does add stress to my life, it helps me to understand where these kids come from and what the life they came from looks like...I guess I am just too darn nosey to NOT want to know that stuff.

Monday, October 17, 2011


We have had 5 foster daughters.

4 of them have come and gone.

1 is still here.

I might end up being the mama of 2 daughters, but for now I know I am the mama of 1.


I have a curly headed little girl sitting on my lap that had two visits scheduled for today...but both cancelled.

Mom has not seen her in probably two months and had scheduled her first visit back for today, but called me last night to cancel because she hurt her foot and couldn't come.

Legal Dad called and cancelled because he just started taking lithium and doesn't feel good.

Her bio Dad called me today to check on her and talk to her for a minute. He said he would like to come see her, but his car is messed up.

This is what Lizzy life looks like. There is always something that comes before her. Always.

Saturday, October 15, 2011


You guys gave me a lot to think about. While I have no hesitation to put away the shoes that are too small that he bought her or most of the other things because she doesn't play with them anyway, I do think you guys gave me the idea that I was looking for.

I am going to make a story book for Lizzy out of a few of the pictures of her family and a few pictures of her life with us and it will be about her Mommy who grew her in her tummy, her Papa who loved her before we ever knew her and about how she came to live with us. I will put a picture of our house in it and tell her that she lives here now and that "Mommy and Papa" live somewhere else and that she is not going to live with them.

My reason for doing this is so she can let go of that idea, or at least I will be letting her know in 2 year old language that she is not going back there. If the day comes that she goes to legal dad, or somewhere else, I will add that in to our story time to get her ready to go there as well.

For those who may read this and don't know the whole story:

At this point the court will never be returning Lizzy to the house she was taken out of. It will not happen. You can ask anyone involved. She will either stay here, go live with legal dad, be adopted by someone other than us, or by some miracle she may be returned to her mom who has moved out of state. There is no option for her to go home to the home she may remember. My goal is to help her understand and accept that.

Friday, October 14, 2011


You guys are just SO smart that I have to pick your brains again. Seriously though, I guess it just makes me feel better to bounce ideas off of you whether you know the right answer or not because I have NO idea what the right answers are :)

Anyway, Lizzy's dad that she loves, her bio dad, is for the most part out of the picture. He still calls to check on her and stuff, but anytime she talks to him on the phone or sees him (she saw him probably about a month ago) she becomes very hard to deal with. She becomes mean to us, she acts like we are the bad guys taking her away from him all over again, she gets whinier and is a mess for a week or two after seeing him or talking to him on the phone.

He is not part of this case. He kinda was when he and mom were still together, but now that they are broken up he has nothing to do with this. No visits and basically has no right to any contact with her. Lizzy loves him, he loves her, but he gave up. He wants to stay in contact with her and would like it if after she is adopted I would let him see her once in a while. Considering how she treats us after she sees him, it is hard to want to make that happen anymore, but I do have respect for the relationship she had with him before she ever met me.

That being said, I think she needs some time to let go of the idea that she is ever going back to his house, because she isn't. No matter how this goes she will either stay here with us, be adopted by someone else, or go to her LEGAL dad-the one she doesn't like. There is no scenario in which she will be going to live with him.

The back story is...I am thinking about packing up everything he ever gave her and every picture of him and putting it away for when she is older. He hasn't bought her many things, but she does know exactly what he did buy her and also associates some of the things her mom got her with him as well (I would pack those up too). None of these things are her every day favorite things, she just sees them and it makes her think of him and maybe ask about him. Her mom also gave her pictures of him and she looks at those once in a while too.

She will never be living with him again. She will only see him or have any contact with him if she stays with us...which might or might not happen. I feel like she needs some time to let go of the idea of her going home to "mom and dad" because "mom and dad" don't even live in the same house anymore...the home she remembers doesn't exist any more and even the house that still stands there is not where the court will put her.

So, my question is, what do you think of me packing up her stuff from him? Would you do it, not do it...why or why not? I will be saving it for her for when she is older, but I will not be bringing it out anytime soon.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


When I called mom back to give her my speech about not being able to set up visits for her with just me and Lizzy I got her voicemail.

I am not sure I have ever been so happy to have someone's voicemail pick up.

We'll see what she says, I am sure she will give me a whole speech about how no one will ever find out and it will be fine. And then I will give her a speech about how Lizzy tells everyone everything and if she thinks I am going to do anything to get myself in trouble...well, I won't be.

Fun times!

Mom called me back and said she hadn't listened to my message. So I told her it all over again. She acted like it was no big deal, she understood and had already called the worker to set up a visit for her normal time.

Crazy Pants.

One Year.

One year ago today my worst fear of foster care became a reality.

I got a call after a court hearing that told me that a child I had loved like my own for 16 months would be leaving my house and going to live with someone I knew could not protect her.

One year ago every reason why I had NOT wanted to do foster care came and slapped me in the face.

It was a very hard day. But, it did not kill me. I didn't curl up in a ball and stop functioning.

I lived. My family lived. We are changed. We saw that even if "the worst" happened God would get us through it.

It was horrible. But, 1 year later Sabrina's mom and I are in a place where if I wanted to come see her I know her mom would let me.

Fostering is hard and you WILL get hurt. You will watch "your" kids get hurt and you will be helpless. It is no easy task to love these kids and then watch them disappear, but "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." -Matthew 25-40

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Crazy Pants.

Lizzy's mom is coming back to our state this weekend. Today I received this voicemail:

"Hi, I am going to be back on Friday. I want to set up a time to see Lizzy on Friday because I am going to be really busy the rest of the weekend with my cousin's baby shower and stuff. Call me back."

Ummm...Lizzy is not adopted. By "set up a time to see her" she means like meeting up with us at the park, not going to her two hour supervised visit at the agency. At this point this is highly inappropriate. The state said that you need to be SUPERVISED during any contact you have with this child, preferably by a state worker.

And, just to throw this out there, a week ago she told me that she wants to go trick-or-treating with all of us so she can go trick-or-treating with Lizzy. I know it is time to set up some boundaries and I guess I am going to have to tell her that until Lizzy is adopted these things she is asking for are not decisions I am allowed to make. My initial response is to just make up an excuse like I am not available on Friday, but I think I have to go ahead and get it all out of the way because she is probably going to try to do this a lot until she goes back out of state again.

What would you tell her?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


(an old shot of Lizzy)

Today our licensing worker called to set up a time to come renew our fostering license. After reading everything I did yesterday there is part of me that thinks it would be so much easier to NOT renew. I know that would mean Lizzy would have to be moved, so of course we aren't doing that, but I hate that part of my reason for keeping our license open is the what ifs.

What if Sabrina comes back into care?
(By the way, I texted her mom yesterday and she said that Grandma is home and back to work. That was good to hear.)

What if by some miracle our little girls come back into care in our state?

What if we get "The Call" that is for our next beautiful little person?

Will we ever adopt?

Will we adopt Lizzy?

Will we have the chance to adopt Lizzy?

Fostering is something I would LOVE to do forever...and I also would LOVE to close this chapter of my life and move on. Honestly, I guess I don't know what I want, but I find it interesting that at every moment I have ever been ready to quit God has everything set up so that I have many reasons not to.

I guess HE knows something I don't.

Monday, October 10, 2011


uggghhh. I just went through my entire blog(s) from start to finish. i started at when i first got Lizzy until current posts, such as this one.

i am putting together a time line for the social worker to use while writing her petition for termination.

after seeing ALL of what has happened in black and white i cannot figure out why we still do this.

so much heart ache. so much sadness. so many kids getting hurt.

seeing Kellen go.

seeing Sabrina go.

seeing Lizzy put through MONTHS of torturous visits.

seeing my little girls suddenly have to leave.

i didn't get all teared up or anything. quite frankly i was just pretty disgusted.


anyway, if you have been a long time reader and you have been through a termination trial i am wondering if any part of Lizzy's story has stood out to you as something that YOUR judge would have cared about? let me know if you think of anything.

-Mama Foster

Saturday, October 8, 2011


This is what it looks like to be a pregnant foster mom.

Does Lizzy look like a tame little angel in this shot? :)

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Dear Lizzy,

(Miss Lizzy rockin' my purse while walking with my hubby after dinner out)

Oh little girl, we have come a LONG way. But, yesterday was still one of those days. You screamed, I yelled, You acted crazy...I wanted to get away from you. You probably wanted to get away from me too.

So, you foster daddy and I had a talk. He reminded me of all the reasons that, at least for right now, we are what is best for you. He said, "This, all the time of her being with us, has been the hardest time of her life."

Oh how right he is. And then he spoke like a daddy who loves his girl enough to put up with ANYTHING she dishes out...because of love.

You are anything but easy little girl, but you are loved. If God sees fit, you WILL have a chance at a better life. You WILL grow up in a loving environment. You WILL have every chance to get to know about the God that moved mountains to bring you out of where you were and put you where you are.

Perfect Love has no fear little girl, and you have a daddy that is dishing it out right now. I am hoping to follow suit.



Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Well, legal dad came to the visit. He usually is pretty good about calling and canceling or coming if he says he is going to. Thank you for that creepy man.

So, Lizzy's mom called me the other day. There have been several calls...but one was kinda interesting. She is in another state far away from here, if you recall, and she and her new boyfriend are working on getting a house. She said to me, "Once I get things settled down here I can work on getting Lizzy back." I am so used to her saying wacky things that I just let it go. Then she started talking about how I am adopting Lizzy and that as soon as I get the papers she will sign them. (She thinks she will be signing papers that say Lizzy is going right to me, we all know that isn't how this works, but whatever).

So, because I am crazy and pregnant now I called her out on her conflicting comments. I said, "You know you just said you were going to try to get her back and then said you are signing her over to me. You know that if you sign over your rights to this child that NO ONE is going to be giving her back to you. Not me, not our state, no one."

Yes, I know, not the non confrontational thing to say, but quite frankly if she wants to fight for her she can and if she doesn't she won't and I don't care what she does because whatever is going to happen is going to happen. With her, with legal dad...I am at the courts mercy (actually LIZZY is at the courts mercy) and I am just not going to worry about something I cannot control.

She answers back, "Oh I know, I know, I know I can't take care of her right now and you can give her the life I never had. I want her to have that." I said, "Ok, because you know I will always make sure you know what you are signing and I don't want you to think you can get her back when you can't." Mom said, "Oh, I know you wouldn't do that."

It is just interesting to hear her rambling comments and thoughts. I am not sure she can fully understand what is going on. She has an 11 yr old son that she hasn't seen in like 9 years and she still acts like he is going to come back to her (which he very well may hunt her down when he is grown) and she hasn't let go at all of the fact that she is his mom. Which, is normal? I don't know. She learns to accept things, but maybe there is a layer of denial that helps her get through this stuff. Anyway, I never thought I would say to someone whose child I was considering adopting "You KNOW I'm not giving this kid back to you right?" but, now I have.

Monday, October 3, 2011


I shouldn't act so negative. But, maybe after this post I will try harder.

I am about to wake Lizzy up in the middle of her nap to take her to her visit with legal dad because he said he is going to come. I hate having to wake her up to take her. I hate these visits. I just do.

Anyway, on the bright side, I am going to run to the grocery store with no kids! whoo hoo! I do like that part.

If he doesn't show up I will be even madder. Apparently no matter what he does I am going to be mad lol...

Saturday, October 1, 2011


Oh I love you guys, because I agree with ALL of you. I don't think there was any wrong answer.

I called.

I got a busy signal.

I took it as my free pass and didn't call again.

If mom asks I will tell her i called and it was busy. Because it is the Truth.

So, I got a free pass on this one. :)