Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Boring.

Well, legal dad came to the visit. He usually is pretty good about calling and canceling or coming if he says he is going to. Thank you for that creepy man.

So, Lizzy's mom called me the other day. There have been several calls...but one was kinda interesting. She is in another state far away from here, if you recall, and she and her new boyfriend are working on getting a house. She said to me, "Once I get things settled down here I can work on getting Lizzy back." I am so used to her saying wacky things that I just let it go. Then she started talking about how I am adopting Lizzy and that as soon as I get the papers she will sign them. (She thinks she will be signing papers that say Lizzy is going right to me, we all know that isn't how this works, but whatever).

So, because I am crazy and pregnant now I called her out on her conflicting comments. I said, "You know you just said you were going to try to get her back and then said you are signing her over to me. You know that if you sign over your rights to this child that NO ONE is going to be giving her back to you. Not me, not our state, no one."

Yes, I know, not the non confrontational thing to say, but quite frankly if she wants to fight for her she can and if she doesn't she won't and I don't care what she does because whatever is going to happen is going to happen. With her, with legal dad...I am at the courts mercy (actually LIZZY is at the courts mercy) and I am just not going to worry about something I cannot control.

She answers back, "Oh I know, I know, I know I can't take care of her right now and you can give her the life I never had. I want her to have that." I said, "Ok, because you know I will always make sure you know what you are signing and I don't want you to think you can get her back when you can't." Mom said, "Oh, I know you wouldn't do that."

It is just interesting to hear her rambling comments and thoughts. I am not sure she can fully understand what is going on. She has an 11 yr old son that she hasn't seen in like 9 years and she still acts like he is going to come back to her (which he very well may hunt her down when he is grown) and she hasn't let go at all of the fact that she is his mom. Which, is normal? I don't know. She learns to accept things, but maybe there is a layer of denial that helps her get through this stuff. Anyway, I never thought I would say to someone whose child I was considering adopting "You KNOW I'm not giving this kid back to you right?" but, now I have.


7 comments:

spng7 said...

Good girl ... someone has to be the adult.

the johnson crew said...

I am sure she does live in denial just to get through the hard stuff. - Marco and Antonio's mom signed off her parental rights giving me the consent to adopt. Then they didn't have to go into trial to TPR. The state of MN (and prob most states) encourage parents to do that instead of having the formal charges pressed on them for a TPR. I am guessing she signed off her rights to her son's adopted parents previously otherwise Lizzy's case wouldn't be taking so long before they filed a TPR.

MamaFoster said...

actually, she gave someone permanent guardianship over him. no termination. that is probably why though...same theory.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

Good for you.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

Good for you.

Vicky said...

OMG I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm going to privately adopting a boy due on Christmas and right now both the mom and dad (not together right now) are acting like its going to be more like a divorce custody than actual adoption. the dad thinks he can have say on the kid's name and schooling options, the mom thinks she can play mommy when she wants, both of course think we'll pay for every and anything.

Luckily the foster son we have has already TPRed so I dont have to worry about his bio parents.

Pam H said...

My daughter-in-law has had six children and has only been able to raise one, which she forgets that it is because I had them live with me during my grandson's first year just so I could keep an eye on him and report anything wrong (which I did). Anyway, her oldest three are well into their late 20s and she is so HURT that they don't keep in touch with her via Facebook or other means. She talks about the possible "grandchildren" they might give her and how she wants so badly to be in contact with them. The thing is, this woman gave away her parental rights because she was pregnant with the fourth child and then gave away parental rights (to me) of the fourth and fifth child because she was pregnant with #6. (Each child became more unhealthy at birth and I scared her with awful pics of what #7 might be like - nasty of me I know. Then after a couple of years, I drove her to the hospital, waited while her tubes were tied and drove her home again.) She doesn't get it why her kids aren't just so in love with her. sigh. My two are the only ones who do keep in contact, but only to see their little brother.