Monday, October 31, 2011


This is an old picture from when Tina and the Baby were still here.

It is amazing how much you can miss someone. My husband, son and I still tear up when we see a picture of that baby. She was just too precious. She was as cute as she could be plus was so happy. It is so weird to mourn someone who isn't dead...but, it feels like the same kind of loss.

Anyway, today Lizzy has visits scheduled for today...I don't know if they will get canceled or not. Mom called Friday to get transportation and I am sure no one did anything about that. We are "in-between" workers and plus they want more notice than that if they need to pick the bio parent up.

Boy was Dad is a drugged up state at the last visit. He was OUT of it. I think it is due to the lithium he is on now, but boy, I don't know how he could possible care for a child, let alone himself, while he is on that.

I don't even know what to do about Mom. I think technically my job is to do nothing, so I guess I will go with that. I wish the workers were more available...but Mom is the one who is totally undependable so it really isn't the worker's fault.

I literally consider Mondays my "throw away" day. Based on these crazy people I might as well throw Monday in the trash every week because I never know what is going to happen and can't make any plans other than to be available for who ever wants to show up that day.

Ugghhh...anyway, Happy Halloween!!!!


CherubMamma said...

mmmm...I guess there are advantages to enormous budget cuts that allow for only one 1-hour visit a month. Granted, I NEVER know when that said 1-hour is going to be scheduled. (and really, it makes me sad for all parties involved that the visits are so infrequent) But at least I get my Mondays.

Sorry "The System" can't get it together just a little bit better for the sake of your schedule. I would be so frustrated in your shoes.

Felicia said...

I understand mourning the loss. My computer pops up random pictures that I have stored on my computer and every time one particular foster babys pictures pop up I feel the loss. I would have made that child mine if her parents hadn't been able to do what they needed to do. At least I know her situation and know that she is doing well. heart!

MamaFoster said...

Felicia! it's been a while! how are ya?

Carrie said...

That grief is so real. I have heard other foster parents say that they don't grieve every child and I hope that is the case because boy, this is hard. I trust God knows best and haven't struggled with that, but the emotions are very real and the depth of them was unexpected.

Mama P said...

I think foster family grief is the hardest one to explain to anyone. Mostly because people do not understand how we love these children (and sometimes their families).

I picked up a children's book at the bookstore yesterday, and it said "If I could be where you are tonight, I'd wrap my arms around you and hold you tight." The next thing I know, I am stifling sobs because the grief of the abrupt return of Bonesy to his abusers swallowed me up in a split second. How do you explain that to anyone? He's not dead...

Tammy (aka. "Mimi") said...

A coworker made the mistake of saying that to me after I lost Booger Bear. "It's not like he DIED..."

My response...

"No. It's more like I imagine it would feel to have your child kidnapped by a non-custodial parent after a nasty divorce. You KNOW who has them, but you don't know where they are or if they are okay. You don't know if they're hurt or sad or hungry. You have no way of comforting them or even knowing for certain that they are being cared for and loved. You PRAY that because they are with their other parent that they are being taken care of, but you will likely never know. Because they're gone. Just gone."

I'm having a "down on foster care" day today. Monkey's 6-month hearing is coming up, and I'm dreading it. After what happened when I lost Booger, I have a big fear of court days. I just keep reminding myself that I signed up for this. Crazy as that may be... I still wouldn't change a thing.