Saturday, April 30, 2011


This morning I dropped the girls off at their baby sitter's house. I was SO glad to see it was a NORMAL house, NORMAL people, GOOD area...because in foster care you never know what you are going to get.

I took the girls in the house and then when they scampered into the play room I darted out the door. I didn't want to leave any of them crying, we had said our goodbyes when I put them in the car at our house so we wouldn't be scaring them when we dropped them off.

The people who are watching them seem great. I think the girls actually might have a lot of fun there so that made me feel better.

I would have never dreamed after EVERYTHING that has been going on that I would be crying as I pulled out of their drive way. As soon as I was down the road a bit I had the urge to go get all my girls and take them with us. I missed them and it had only been 10 minutes at best.

I thought I would feel relieve and would want to do cartwheels all the way home, but instead I was thinking about how they will need to be able to go on our next vacation because I want them with me...even if they drive me nuts. :)

Friday, April 29, 2011


It turns out that Sabrina's mom was mad at her friend for calling the cops on her last night. Her friend called the cops on her because she and her boyfriend were leaving threatening messages on the friend's voice mail.

The cops came out to the house, but Sabrina was not taken.

Sabrina's mom told her friend all day today that Sabrina was gone and that she was going to kill herself because she couldn't live without her.

When Sabrina's old social worker called Sabrina's mom she said "Everything is fine, she is playing her her doll house right next to me."

I don't know how telling people that your kid got taken away gets back at them, but Sabrina's mom's mind will always been a mystery to me.


I just got off the phone with Sabrina's old lawyer. He said there is no record of her being taken by our state or any other child in that county being taken last night.

I told that to Sabrina's mom's friend and she said that it was today, not last night. You would think that the lawyer would have stumbled across that while he was looking for her if it was true.

At this point I am assuming that Sabrina's mom is lying to get attention like she always does.

What a thing to lie about.


I want to keep this blog as true to life as I can so when people read it they know what it is like to be a foster parent.

With that said, I received a phone call last night from a friend of Sabrina's mom saying Sabrina had been removed from her home last night by the police.

There is a HUGE chance that this is a total lie that Sabrina's mom is using to get attention from her friend.

There is also a chance she is telling the truth.

I called Sabrina's lawyer and he is going to try to find out today if she was taken last night or not. Honestly, I have been thinking about driving over to their house and just knocking on the door to find out if it is true or not...but, we all know I'm not going to do that.

What perfect timing, right before I leave for vacation.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


I have officially turned the quiet, easy going baby into a BRAT.

There is some fine line between the neglected baby that is "easy going because they had to be" and the baby that is treated my version of normal that "realizes if they demand something they will probably get it" that I do not know how to walk.

Case in old key board I had to put in front of my current key board so baby can sit on my lap and pound on the old one while I blog on the current one.

Just sayin'...BRAT.


I never in a million years would I have thought finding respite care for these three little girls would turn into such a mess considering I gave them THREE WEEKS notice.

Lizzy's social worker did nothing. She didn't try to find a home, even though I think she was trying to pretend she was and in all honesty I am pretty sure she was hoping we would cancel the trip if she didn't find anyone to watch Lizzy. I am not entirely sure what would have really happened had things not gotten worked out, but I did keep picturing myself sitting at the agency on Friday with my little girls and their bags telling them that I was leaving and they would just have to find someone because I would NOT be taking them home with me that night.

In my head, while I was mad, that imagine seemed all find and good, and then I would starting thinking about how darn traumatic that would be for them and that was when I started calling EVERYONE. I called supervisors, licensing workers, social workers, I called everyone that I could think of to GET THESE PEOPLE TO DO THEIR JOBS!

My two little girls' worker did find them a place to go right after I asked her to...and then it feel through. So, on the same day I found out Lizzy's worker wasn't even trying to find a place for her to go I found out that the other baby sitter had fallen through as well. Talk about STRESS!!! That is when I started making phone calls.

At the end of the day it was the little girls' worker that found all three of my girls a place to go, thanks for nothing Lizzy's worker, and she called me as relieved as I was that she had found someone.

Now, this is where it gets even crazier. The foster mom she found to watch them is a "last call" foster mom. I talked to her on the phone for over an hour and she is the foster home that will take the teenagers that get kicked out of their foster home, she takes the hard-ish medical cases, she never says no. Praise God for people like this BUT she already has 8 kids in her home right now!!! The thought of dropping my girls off here would have made me cry had I not had a chance to talk to her. Thankfully her other kids are older so they are more of a help than my little girls are and she just wanted to help and wanted the girl to be able to stay together.

So, they will be dropped off Saturday morning. It will be interesting I am sure. I am so thankful for her, I am just hoping I won't be dropping an atomic bomb on their house by leaving my little monster there for a week.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


And sometimes you let them fall asleep on you just long enough to ruin nap time because you don't know how many more chances you will get to hold them while they are sleeping.

Friday, April 22, 2011


We've made it to Easter and my little girls are still here.

I wanted to make it to Easter so badly, and we have.

They will get to wear their dresses.

I'm just so happy.

Thank you God that we get to celebrate YOU with our girls this weekend.

Whatever happens after Easter is in HIS hands.

I'm just glad I got my 3 girls for Easter.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

6 weeks.

Week 6 of no visits with Lizzy's legal day. IT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL. WONDERFUL. Every week I am so happy when the social worker tells me the visit is cancelled.

Anyway, everything else is the case has taken a has at least 2 warrants out for her arrest.


She has to get them taken care of before she can have any over night visits or for the case to move forward at all.


She's working on it so we'll see what happens.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


The number one thing I strive to give my kids is "normal".

I love that they get to do normal, every day, middle class...stuff.

Easter Egg Hunts.

Birthday Parties.

Grocery Shopping.

Church on Sunday.

Friend to play with.

Family meals.






All of my kids have been neglected of several if not ALL of the things I just listed here before they got to our house.

Even though I hurt when they leave, even though this is just TOO hard sometimes, I am so thankful to our awe inspiring, mountain moving, gracious GOD that I CAN offer them these things.

My heart burst with thankfulness for this normal life I get to share with my kids.

Monday, April 18, 2011


My little girls' worker called to get some info from me and told me it appears that the state they want to move my girls to is finally willing to take them, most likely.

There is a slight chance they won't...and then we would go back to court.

We should hear any day now that they are being moved, as long as nothing goes wrong.

I don't really want them to go, but in this case I do see the court's point.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


Every once in a while my last visit with Joseph comes back to me in emotional waves.

I can still feel him sitting in my lap.

I can feel him pull his body as close to me as possible.

I can still see him crying when I left.

Though all of this is so sad and makes me question our decision, when it comes down to it I don't have that longing for him that I still do for Sabrina. I am sure a lot of that is just the amount of time I took care of her vs. the lack of time I cared for him, but that last visit I had with him will alway haunt me and be one of the situations in my life where I am pretty sure there was no right answer. I don't think it would have been right for us to adopt him, but I am not sure not adopting him was the right thing either.

Friday, April 15, 2011


My kids like to destroy stuff.

They are actually pretty good at it and sometimes you have to give them props on how creative they can be. Here you think you have the WHOLE room child proofed and then they find some black crayon they are hiding in the hem of their pants or something and color all over the $50 box your wedding dress is stored in. (Thank you for that Sabrina)

So, because I can look back and laugh (from pure insanity) at all the thing my kids have destroyed, I thought I would make a list for you all so you can laugh along with me:


(my person favorite)
1. She was playing with my keys in the driveway before I put her in the car and walked past my husband's company car and KEYED THE SIDE OF THE CAR with one nice 2 year old hand swipe. I thought I was going to die. Thankfully it was not that deep.

2. Ripped up several books, even if she loved them she would rip the pages and some how would rip the binding apart

3. She had a little lazy boy chair that her first foster mom got her that she managed to rip a hole in the fabric on the air and couldn't leave it alone until it looked so bad I threw it away.

4. Colored on my walls...several times.

5. Colored the ENTIRE side of the box my wedding dress is stored in with a black crayon. Did a very through job at it I might add.


1. Threw things at and into my light fixtures CONSTANTLY...never did manage to break one though.

2. We had those horse heads on a stick toys, 3 of them, and he managed to break every single one of them.


1. Threw things at our $1500 TV so many times that a red line appeared at the top of the TV screen.

2. Helped Tina break Tina's bedroom door right off the hinge.

3. Colored all over my bathroom with blue marker.

4. Took the baby's bottle and squirted milk all over 3 bag chairs, took the baby's bottle and squirted milk all over a 5 foot section of the tile floor and rubbed it around, and took the baby's bottle and squirted milk on my band new carpet.


1. Has ruined any book I have every let her walk around the house with.

2. Helped Lizzy break her bedroom door off the hinge.

3. Colored all over my walls several times.

4. Has thrown things at my TV, has yet to make contact though.

5. Ruins any toy that has hair.

That is all I can come up with right now. It makes poor Kellen look like a saint, but I think it is just because I have blocked his shenanigans out of my mind. Oh, he did pee all over a pile of my husband's clothes once. That was nice.

It just makes me laugh at this point.

Also makes me feel a little insane to keep doing this.

What is the funniest/not really funny thing your foster child has destroyed?


(disclaimer: this is not my foster child nor did I take this picture)

I think Tina is having night terrors. I have never had a child that HATED sleeping as much as she does. She has settled down SOME, but often still wakes up at least once a night screaming. To get her to even go to sleep we have to swaddle her like she is a new born. We also have had to do this with Lizzy to make sure she stays asleep at night. These are two VERY big kids to be swaddling. We assume that it gives them a secure feeling and that is what lulls them to sleep, but did I mention that they are BIG toddlers and having to wrap them up like they are infants seems a little ridiculous at this point.

But, we do it because WE like to sleep too.

Shocking, I know.

Usually my husband is the one who gets up and checks on Tina. He goes in, tells her to be quiet and that is usually the end of it. Well, it has gotten to be a regular thing so I told my hubby that I will take care of it for a while. So, 2 nights ago when she started screaming I went into her bedroom. She was wiggling around in such an odd way and was moaning and crying when I got there. I told her "It's ok" and just repeated that as I tried to help her get snuggled back into bed in a way that she seemed to like. I started rubbing her face and as awake as she had seemed when I first walked in she then fell right back into a deep sleep very suddenly and it was like it never happened. It was honestly quite odd, like she was doing it all in her sleep but just appeared to be awake.

I am looking into different things that may help her to sleep more calmly, I'll let you know if anything works.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

High Alert.

You gotta love when someone from your foster agency calls and you don't get to the phone in time and you call them back immediately, but they don't answer.

5 million thoughts run through your head, well, at least through my head.

Is something wrong?

Are you girls being moved?

Are they calling about a placement?

Is she calling me about something I forgot to do?

Why did they call?

Why aren't they answering?


What was the phone call about you ask?

Oh, they needed bio mom's current phone number. You know, because she got mad at them 3 weeks ago and chucked her phone up against a wall and had to get a new one.

Not that they know why the number changed.

Or would care that she is still having anger issues.

You know, because none of that matters.

All this from one phone call.

Can you tell I need a vacation?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I hate to be mean.

Or judgmental.

But some people are just jerks.

One such person is Lizzy's social worker.

She is unfriendly, then pretends to be friendly, then tries to sucker you into doing her job for her, or ignores a $150 bill that a doctor has over you for a physical that was done LAST JUNE that you have turned into her 3 times so far...she is something else.

Today I finally called to set up respite care for all my little girls. I had already spoken with the 2 sisters' social worker and just needed to officially tell her the dates. She actually is a supervisor at our agency who took over the case after their worker left 3 weeks ago.

Anyway, I called Lizzy's social worker who I wish would leave and told her I would need someone to care for Lizzy the week we will be gone. She then tells me that actually it is my job to find someone to watch her (??????!?!?!??!?!??!?!) which makes no sense because this agency does nothing to actually have you get to know the other foster parents at the agency and I told her that no, it was NOT my job to find someone. I do not have anyone that I even feel comfortable leaving Lizzy with because she is a pain in the butt and who would want to deal with her crazy visitation schedule? It is just too much to ask anyone else to do. I told her SHE needed to find someone because the tickets have been bought and nothing was going to be changing. She said she would "do her best". Well, you better lady or you better plan on watching her for 7 days.

After that I called the other girls' worker to tell her the dates. She never said a WORD about me "finding my own baby sitter" and just said she would take care of it. Because she is a supervisor at the agency I asked her about what Lizzy worker said to me. I said, "Is that a normal response to someone looking for respite care at this agency?" She said, "I think she just meant you could find your own baby sitter if you wanted to." And I told her, no that is NOT what she said to me. I could tell she didn't know what to say and was surprised that Lizzy's worker did that.

Oh, do you want to hear another "fun fact" about this agency? If I did want to find my own baby sitter I could have ANYONE watch the girls that I wanted to. No back ground check, no CPR class (did I ever tell you even us foster parents didn't have to take the CPR class to be licensed?), no paper work, nothing. I can leave them with WHO EVER I want.

Isn't that nice?

Monday, April 11, 2011


In my post about us going on an out of state vacation and NOT taking any of our foster kids with us for a variety of reasons, I was very interested to read in the comment what other people have gone through when it come to trying to take their foster child on an out of state vacation.

I thought I would share with you what I go through in order to just take our foster kids 4 hours away from our home on a vacation even though we never left the state.

According to our agency if we are going away, even for the weekend, I had to fill out a sheet the agency provided listing the address of where we were staying and had to sign my name on the paper. THEN they turned around AND HANDED THE BIO PARENT THE PAPER WITH ALL THIS INFORMATION ON IT for them to sign to approved us going away for the weekend.

You can see why the thought of actually taking the kids out of state sounds like it could be VERY complicated to me if I had to do all of that just to drive 4 hours from my house with them.

So, I was wondering, what do YOU have to do in order to go away for the weekend and/or go out of state???

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Up and Downs.

Lizzy hasn't had a visit with her "legal dad" she hates in 4 weeks! One thing or another has prevented him from coming. It has been awesome. Lizzy is still on track to be returned to her mom in June. There has been a hiccup here or there but nothing that should throw the train off the tracks.

She is enjoying her visits with her mom and bio dad a lot and is giving them the same scream-y attitude she gives me. It is just her, that is who she is.
As for my 2 sisters, apparently some time between March 15th and March 22nd the judge signed in agreement with his referee to send the girl to the state in which their parents currently are living, which is not where I live. As you can see, they are still here. That is because the state their parents live in is refusing to take the case. The judge said "Send the to the Child Protect Services in the state their parents live in", unlike the referee that said either do that or totally dismiss the case and give them back to their parents. So, our agency has been told by the state agency NOT to return the children or move them and that they are contesting the judge's order.
It will not surprise me that when the judge finds out that the children have not been moved he will have a hearing threatening to hold someone in contempt of court. At which point maybe he will decide to dismiss the case. Who knows. They are still here, but aren't supposed to be.

Interesting huh?

So, that is where we are at.
I am not looking forward to having the girl's moved. When Lizzy leaves I know she will be going to people she knows, loves, and is comfortable with. I just cannot forget the look on the baby's face when I handed her over to her bio mom for that one visit. She just looked at me like, "Are you kidding me???" When I finally have to give her to who ever she ends up going to I am going to feel like I betrayed her.

She thinks I am mom.

I get no say.

Neither does she.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


So, do you know that you are their mom when your child (who you didn't give birth to) gets hurt and you see/hear it happen and a shock wave goes through you so strong it feels like it just happened to you?

If so, Tina, I am officially your mommy.

(Nothing terrible happened, she just fell and hurt herself, I was just surprised by how much it bothered me watching her get hurt that time, these kids do it every day)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Well, that was longer than expected.

I didn't mean to not blog for that long, but life is busy and I guess it got the best of me.

This week is Spring Break for my son and that adds a new level of busy-ness to my life and our schedule gets all out of whack and there goes my normal blogging time.

THE GIRLS ARE STILL HERE AND I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING. Isn't that crazy? What happened to "seven days"?!?!?

Oh well, I am just happy they are still here and that has to be good enough for now. If they leave they leave, if they stay they I sound like a foster parent yet?

In other news, on a very overwhelming day, I bought 3 plane tickets to go on vacation out of state. Yes, a vacation without the foster kiddos. We need some time to recover from the past 2 years and we just haven't had the time. I keep saying yes to almost every phone call I get and while I LOVE my kids...I am ready to not change 15 diapers a day, not be woken up in the middle of the night because of a crying child, NOT GO TO VISITS for a week, I am ready to RELAX. I want to spend time with my son and husband Not the daycare director that I have had to become because of how young all my little girls are.

Now, because of all of Lizzy's visits and my lack of people who can accommodate the needs of the girls and the foster care world I will be putting all 3 of the girls in respite care and I am ok/slightly freaking out about it. We leave in 3 weeks.

I am hoping the little girls can stay with their brothers at their foster home, but I am not sure that will work out. And poor Lizzy, she is going to be stuck with some random stranger who is willing to put up with her visitation schedule.

So, here I was trying to avoid things like this with Lizzy and I ensured that I will have to hand her over to a stranger anyway. I am SOOOO excited to leave, but I feel so guilty leaving my girls, all 3 of them.

Then I had an even worse thought, what if they move the 2 little girls out of my state to a new foster home while we are gone? That thought of course made me sick. BUT if it was to happen maybe that would be easier than if I had to do it.

Anyway, this is what it is like to take a vacation while fostering. Makes you excited doesn't it?

(I would just like to add that IF we had had parental consent to take them all with us they could have gone so not every vacation has to be like this, but you also run the risk of the parents changing their mind after you have already spent money on place tickets and such)

Friday, April 1, 2011


Seriously...I feel like a broken record. It is 4 pm on Friday, the agency closes at 5 pm. Still haven't heard anything about the girls getting moved or not moved.

I will find something more interesting to blog about soon. This is just getting boring :)