Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Well, that was longer than expected.

I didn't mean to not blog for that long, but life is busy and I guess it got the best of me.

This week is Spring Break for my son and that adds a new level of busy-ness to my life and our schedule gets all out of whack and there goes my normal blogging time.

THE GIRLS ARE STILL HERE AND I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING. Isn't that crazy? What happened to "seven days"?!?!?

Oh well, I am just happy they are still here and that has to be good enough for now. If they leave they leave, if they stay they I sound like a foster parent yet?

In other news, on a very overwhelming day, I bought 3 plane tickets to go on vacation out of state. Yes, a vacation without the foster kiddos. We need some time to recover from the past 2 years and we just haven't had the time. I keep saying yes to almost every phone call I get and while I LOVE my kids...I am ready to not change 15 diapers a day, not be woken up in the middle of the night because of a crying child, NOT GO TO VISITS for a week, I am ready to RELAX. I want to spend time with my son and husband Not the daycare director that I have had to become because of how young all my little girls are.

Now, because of all of Lizzy's visits and my lack of people who can accommodate the needs of the girls and the foster care world I will be putting all 3 of the girls in respite care and I am ok/slightly freaking out about it. We leave in 3 weeks.

I am hoping the little girls can stay with their brothers at their foster home, but I am not sure that will work out. And poor Lizzy, she is going to be stuck with some random stranger who is willing to put up with her visitation schedule.

So, here I was trying to avoid things like this with Lizzy and I ensured that I will have to hand her over to a stranger anyway. I am SOOOO excited to leave, but I feel so guilty leaving my girls, all 3 of them.

Then I had an even worse thought, what if they move the 2 little girls out of my state to a new foster home while we are gone? That thought of course made me sick. BUT if it was to happen maybe that would be easier than if I had to do it.

Anyway, this is what it is like to take a vacation while fostering. Makes you excited doesn't it?

(I would just like to add that IF we had had parental consent to take them all with us they could have gone so not every vacation has to be like this, but you also run the risk of the parents changing their mind after you have already spent money on place tickets and such)


Tammy (aka. "Mimi") said...

That's always my big fear about respite... That something HUGE will happen in the kiddos' cases and I won't be there to be a part of it. I'll tell you though... The one time I used respite for Itty Bitty ended up being THE BEST decision in the world. Sometimes, you just need a little time to decompress, and respite helps you do that. My agency actually ENCOURAGES families to network with other foster families and use them every couple of months for an overnight respite just to get a break from the madness. The AGENCY will even pay the respite family directly rather than you having to do it (which is normally the case here). It really is worth it.

Karen said...

Hi Mama Foster,
I have been following your blog for a few months now, but I have never commented. I am glad to hear that you will get a chance to spend some time with your husband and son in a few weeks, I'm sure it will be a much needed refreshing time for all of you.
I have a question for you. My parents have been in the process of becoming foster parents for over 2 years now (in Canada it takes a VERY long time), and they could be open any day now. My question is this: what do your foster kids call you? Mom? by your first name? My mom doesn't want my little brother referring to her by her first name when talking to the foster kids (actually, we're doing 2 yrs and under, but some will be learning to talk), but for those who have bio mom's in their life, it may be confusing for them to have 2 "moms" (especially at such a young age).
Sorry for such a long comment, couldn't find a place to send you a personal message. Thanks!

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

Glad you and your family are going to get some much needed time away. I completely understand what you are saying. Last year when we took the two boys with us for a week to the beach they behaved worse than they ever had at that point.

I hope y'all have the best ever vacation EVER!!!!!!

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

Oh and the parents do not have to give us permission here. Only the judge if we are going out of state.

Carol said...

Glad you get to have some much needed "time off". We have done foster care for 5 years and have never gone on vacation without all of our foster kids, but on the flip side, we have a close friend who has had like 25 foster kids in her home and she has never taken a foster kid with them on vacation--so I would say whatever fits best.

Having said that and living in the same state as you do, I am surprised that bio parents have anything to say about their child going on vacation with you. Our DHS does not confer with the bio parents about that. Bio parents have no choice in the matter. A form has to be filled out with the case worker and then the CW has to get the judges signature--which I have never heard of the judge not signing.

Enjoy your time away. I pray that it does bring you all a time of healing. This is a tough business and you and your family deserve it.

For Karen's information, at our house we use Mommy. We do the 2 and under group also and have never had any problem with confusion. We currently have one 2 yr old boy who is placed here but spends a lot of time at a another home and he calls both mommies mommie and adds first names to the mommie sometimes. All of the other kids in the homes call mommies mommie and so that works for all of us. He also calls bio mom mommie.

FootPrints said...

i'm so happy you took matters into your own hands and are taking a vacation!! DO IT. and have fun for all of us!

and you can send Lizzy here! my kids will enjoy having a new friend to play with.

Jason said...

Amos' bio mom always refused to give us permission to leave the state. So we always had to plan ahead so our SW could submit it in court and have the judge overrule and grant us permission


Debbie said...

So glad the 3 of you are getting away. We're trying to go visit family in July but it all depends on our licensing and if we have children yet.

Hope they tell you something soon about the girls one way or another.

Penelope said...

My hubby and I so need a reconnection trip without kids but we just haven't taken the initiative. I'm so glad that in Texas, foster parents don't have any contact with birth families. I can't imagine having to get permission from neglectful parents so that I can go on vacation!

Rebecca said...

@Penelope: I'm a foster parent in Texas, and any time I've wanted to leave for more than 72 hours with the kids, the parents do have to give their "okay" to the kids being taken out of the county. This may just be a courtesy that CPS has extended to them, but each time the caseworker has not approved the request to leave without checking with the parent. The parent has never said "no," and I'm thinking that if they did CPS could over-ride that if they really wanted to...they basically have just presented it as "you can say yes to your kid leaving with the foster parent or they will be left with strangers."

I have the same feelings as you do about having to ask the neglectful/abusive parent for permission to take the child out of town :(

Heather said...

Good job for going on vacation, you seriously deserve it! I am sure it is very hard for you to leave those girls though. Praying you will have peace of mind enough to enjoy your trip!