Wednesday, August 31, 2011


This past Monday was my son's first day of 4th grade. I can't believe he is getting so old. He has had a great first week so I am happy about that.

Lizzy has decided she wants to go to school too so she gets annoyed when I drop Kobe off at school because she wants me to drop her off too. Then, because it is the only place I drop her off, she will ask if she is going to have a visit with anyone. Sadly, mom keeps canceling on her, bio dad is totally done with the situation besides calling me once a week to check on all she has are these retarded visits with the creepy legal dad.

I will be so glad if the court makes some good decisions for her in September. This is going to be a very dragged out process I am sure, but I really hope they DO something. We'll see.

Monday, August 29, 2011


Today legal dad showed up for his visit and mom didn't. It is clear that legal dad is coming to the visits in hopes that he will get to see mom.

Ever time I see the social worker she tells me that she is going to ask them to change the goal from reunification to termination. I think that court is on Sept. 19th....that should be interesting.

Saturday, August 27, 2011


Lizzy's next hearing could be quite interesting. I think it is some time towards the middle of September, I will have to look up when exactly.

Per the case worker I deal with she is "going to ask to change the goal from reunification to termination" and also is going to try to get legal dad's visit cancelled. He asked her at the last visit if he could have longer visits and she told him "I am not going to lengthen someone's visits who only shows up half the time." and that was being generous because he hasn't shown up half the time.

It makes me pretty upset that if the last caseworker would have done her job and reported him from not doing anything he was supposed to do AND not showing up to a visit in 5 months these visits would already be cancelled, but instead they have to torture Lizzy just a little bit more and inconvenience me just a little bit more to make sure that they do EVERYTHING in their power to get him there so when they do try to terminate his rights the judge will do it. At the end of the day as long as his rights are terminated I guess I will just have to be happy that it is over.

Oh how I wish people would do their jobs like we are expected to do.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Catch up.

I haven't been very good about taking pictures lately. Actually, since Tina and the baby left I have barely taking any pictures. Looking back I think it is a depression thing that I go through when kids I love have to leave. I went through it when Sabrina left too. I don't even have one good shot of the last two that were here. Since I never attached to them I don't even feel like I could call them my foster kids. It was definitely more of a babysitting situation.

Anyway, I actually do have a few things to catch up on here, but I thought I would share just one of them today. Lizzy's legal dad, that she has never liked and who is still a stranger to her, has come to a few visits-3 to be specific. He is talking to Lizzy's mom now that she and Lizzy's bio dad broke up and so now he is back to torturing Lizzy one hour a week, when he shows up. Our agency has someone drive to a gas station by his house and he meets them there and they drive him to the agency and back to his house. The first time he came it was because the social worker threatened to terminate his rights at the next hearing. Then he missed two more visits and she called him and told him that if he was to miss a 3rd they would not come pick him up anymore, so he came. That is the visit that I want to talk about.

Lizzy has decided that she likes her new social worker (I like her way more than her last one!) and she likes the therapist that is now in the room with legal dad during these visits as well. So, what usually happens is legal dad walks in the building, Lizzy starts crying as soon as she seems him and the social worker will ask Lizzy if she wants to play with HER and Lizzy says yes and goes in with the social worker and dad follows them in.

Well, after this visit I had Lizzy at home with me and I am brushing her hair and I find TWO FLEAS ON HER HEAD. I was so annoyed. I saw one and dug it out and then searched her head and found the 2nd one which was very small and dug that out as well. After I was pretty sure I got them all out I called the social worker and left her a message that said, "I just found two fleas on Lizzy. I am well aware of how dirty that man is and the toys are that he brings for her to play with. I am sure that she got the fleas from him which also means you were exposed to them in that room along with the lady that I had to drive him here, good luck with that." and I hung up.

For the next 3 days I checked her head entirely every morning and she has not had any since. At the next visit he had (which he showed up a half hour late to meet the transporter for) I asked the social worker if she had gotten my message. She said yes. She is such a trip. She called him up and confronted him and he admitted to the flea problem and she of course told him that he needed to take care of it (you know, because we all know that that means it will be taken care of). Good times.

So, that was my fun new adventure in foster land. Makes me want to scream.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


I didn't get any phone calls about the baby today so I am guessing other arrangements have been made. I am sure that is best for now.


So far I have not heard anything about the 3 mo. old baby that I lost my mind and said yes to yesterday. I told them that I would prefer for them to be able to place the kids together so only to call me if they had no where else for the baby to go.

Just because I haven't heard anything doesn't mean I am not going to get him, it just means that they are either still figuring stuff out or that they were able to place the kids together or that another agency placed them before ours did.

Kelly mentioned in the comments yesterday that I get lots of phone calls...well, as much as I would like to think it IS because they think we are a good home I am finding that it is probably mostly based on the fact that I don't care what color the kids are. When they called me for older kids (that I never take) they are mostly for white kids, but all but one of my little kids have been a different race than our family is. My favorite is when they call me and tell me that these multi racial children "identify as white". That is all fine if someone wants to lable them as that, but when you SEE the kids and see that they do not LOOK like they are white...well, I just laugh because I think they are gorgeous just the way they are. That is probably why I get all these phone calls.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Bye. And some news.

(Pretty exciting news at the end, at least for us, so you might want to read all the way to the end)

Well, this morning I packed up all the kids stuff and headed to the PPC meeting to officially make me NOT their foster mom.

It is always interesting to hear the entire case discussed.

The kids will not be going home at the next hearing, they don't know if mom will even be able to maintain these crazy 3 day a week visits because #1 she is like 4 months behind on rent and #2 they are concerned her utilities may be shut off at some point.

Anyway, I was kinda relieved to see who was taking the kids. I see this foster mom all the time at the agency. She seems like a tried and true foster mom and her kids always seem clean and well taken care off. She also seems very laid back and has lots of experience so I think that will help a lot too.

I was also glad that they made it clear that I was unaware of any possibility of overly aggressive behavior before I accepted the placement and that it was obviously not a good fit for us. Then everyone took turns talking about how they had no idea either (isn't it their job to know?), but most of these people haven't known these kids any longer than I have. Even the DHS worker said that she has only had the case since July so I do believe that everyone that was in the room didn't know...but I bet the worker before her did. I was the one that told everyone about all the very aggressive behavior that the Head Start people reported to me that they have seen and been well aware of for quite a while. Good times.

After everything was done I informer the new foster mom about how bio mom thinks that it is our job to provide all the diapers, wipes, and clean clothes her kids will need for the 3 days that they are with her. She even went as far as to use me as her laundry service. She made sure to send back with me random dirty clothes (ones I had never seen before, not the ones I sent with the kids) for me to wash and bring back to her. The best part of that is that I would do it for her because I didn't want the kids in dirty clothes. Being a personal servant is such a blast.

I think one thing that every foster parent worries about is being black listed by the agency if you have a child moved (or demand that they be moved like I did). Well, to put your mind at ease I would like to share with you that on my ride home from the agency I got a phone call from the agency asking me if I would like to take 3 more kids...a sib group- 3 yr old, 1 yr old, and a 3 mo. old, to which I said no.

Then they asked me if I would take just the 3 mo. old if they couldn't find a place for all the which I said yes. I had to laugh because I wanted to say yes to all three and was proud of myself for not saying yes, but I was worried my hubby would think I was out of my mind for even saying yes to the baby. Thankfully he is truly my soul mate and said the same thing as I did, "three would have been too much, but just the baby...." -be still my heart, I love this man.

Oh, and to add to the insanity that is my life...we are very excited to finally share that we, Mama Foster and my hubby, are pregnant with our 2nd bio child. Yes, we are, and I'm not kidding. And yes, I knew about this before I took the last two and still said yes.

We are very excited about it and as much as foster care drives me NUTS...turns out that I don't think we plan on quitting. Considering we might be getting a 3 mo. old tomorrow I guess we better not.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

New Girl.

Have you ever noticed that many kids in foster care get stuck in situations that may not have happened if they were only children? My newest little girl (who is moving to a new foster home tomorrow) is one such child.

If it had been just her this placement would have been no problem.

I think at the house before me it would have been fine if it was just her...but it isn't.

Now she is moving to a new home, one that thinks it can handle her brother. Often times I see children that are in sibling groups that are available for adoption waiting for a very long time because of the needs of their sibling. I do not think siblings should be split up if it is at all possible to avoid, but it sure is sad seeing little ones suffer because of things that have nothing to do with them.

Monday, August 22, 2011


It looks like my two new little people are being moved to their new home this Wednesday, after their visit with their mom.

I dropped them off today...what a site I was greeted with...I'll tell you about that later.

I didn't know when I dropped them off that most likely I wouldn't be picking them up...after I heard that they were moving I thought "Wow, I will probably never see them again...that is weird."

Foster care is weird. I will be glad when it is all over though I guess.

Saturday, August 20, 2011


We are all still here.

No one has gotten bitten, I watch for it, but I guess me freaking out on him big time may have helped...don't judge me you more experienced calmer therapeutic parents....I'm doing the best I can.

He is actually doing pretty good, kids learn so fast, even when they are going from chaos to...well, what I call normal.

So, here we are :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Lizzy is driving me nuts. You would think it would be the other two.

Every time I turn around she is doing something she shouldn't. I guess she has finally decided to act out about these two new little people.

Well, so far I have been able to avoid new boy biting her. I am patting myself on the back for this.

I didn't send any wipes with the kids for their last 3 day visit with their mom, I did send diapers and everything else I shouldn't have to, but back to the story...

So, I pick them up and she says "You didn't send wipes with them so I had to use a wash rag on them."

And this is where I admit that I totally started laughing to myself that she "had to use a wash rag" to change diapers....maybe she should try buying some wipes...*insert evil grin here*

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


They are back.

I picked them up at 4 5:30 pm he had already tried to bite Lizzy again.

Fun times.

I put in my written notice on the I have until the 29th I guess.

They said they "might" have a home for them and they will know early next week. The kids also have court next Friday, but I have a feeling they aren't going home...poor kids.

So, I actually drop them off at mom's house on the I really be able to tell them I am not picking them up-follow your own policy!!!

Big Surprise.

Guess who got a phone call today begging me to go pick up the kids....


Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Ok, I am willing to bet money that I will be the one picking up the 2 new little people that I said WERE NOT coming back to my house after their visit with their mom tomorrow.

I talked to the worker today and she said she wasn't able to find a home for them, she may have found a home for the girl, but not the boy and they had already put in a call to DHS to get approval to split the kids up. I hate that they are going to do that. I have a feeling if the agency would let this case go to a different agency would be able to place them together...but then my agency wouldn't get the money for them. I hate that.

Besides, them finding a home for the girl doesn't do any good anyway, she could stay here if they asked me (again) I would probably say yes. It is the boy that just can't be here and I was hoping that they would keep them together and told them that that was why I was requesting that both be moved.


I will be so glad when this 14 days is over...because then I can throw their own policy in their face when I tell them that they aren't coming back here at all. I feel so bad for these kids.

I also got a call from our "early on" program through our state who was already involved with the kids. I told them what was going on and they told me about some aggressive behavior that they had experience with the boy and even observed the girl treating her grandma (who they were with before foster care) badly.

Isn't that wonderful. I guess who ever gets the kids next will be more informed than I was.

This situation has taught me so much, it is just plain scary to me that this agency (all agencies?) is not as worried about keeping a child safe as they are about keeping the kids in the home so the agency can keep the case. Can you imagine if he was being just slightly worse and he has doing this to a child smaller than Lizzy? I would bet you anything that they would act the same as they are now.

La Mama Loca, which bio parent are you talking about? Lizzy's or the new kids'?

I knew.

To answer this question, he literally seeks only her out to attack. I can't guarantee it will always be that way, but so far he hasn't tried it at all with anyone else.

Also, yes, them making me take him back would be completely unacceptable....that doesn't mean that they won't. They already called me yesterday, 4 hours after I told them what was going on, to tell me that they called 6 homes and everyone so far had said no to taking the kids and that they "needed to remind me" that there is a 14 day notice policy that they are trying to use to make me take the kids for at least the next 14 days IF they cannot find another home.

I told them that I have no plans to pick him up and bring him back here. I also told them if they needed me to take care of the sister for the 14 days and put him in respite care for those days that would be fine, but that is about all we are willing to do.

After talking with my husband last night we do feel like IF they try to strong arm us we are capable of taking care of him for the 14 days just to appease these jerks who are pushing us to have a child in our home that is hurting another child in our home. I am pretty confident that I could keep him from hurting her, but it won't be fun for him to not be able to play around the house with the other kids. Plus, we would never put him in a nursery setting again at church or anywhere else where he wasn't literally right next to us.

I knew they would do this though. I knew if they couldn't find a home they would try to make us keep him even after telling us if it didn't work out they would move him. The best part is that if THEY were upset about him biting her and wanted to move him OR her they would not give a crap about what I thought about it or wanted they would just do it. That part really bothers me.

Monday, August 15, 2011



Lizzy is a total fire ball...except when it comes to someone picking on her! I will never forget watching Tina whack Lizzy in the head with a plastic tube OVER AND OVER AND OVER and all she did was stand there and cry. I let it go on for a minute to see if she would EVER walk away, fight back, anything...and she didn't. She just stands there, screaming, and takes it. Obviously I ended up stepping in but, we have the same thing going on with new boy. He will sit there and scratch her neck with his nails and she doesn't do anything except cry. Obviously I get him off her as soon as possible, but if it was up to Lizzy she would let people just beat her I guess.

Other than letting him do this stupid stuff to her, she has been fine with the kids over all. She hasn't been too whiny and seems to enjoy having them around and plays with them. Very different from when Tina was here and she screamed her head off for 6 months....

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Good Bye.

New boy has literally been attacking Lizzy. She has 2 bite marks on that is bad and one that is horrible. He also scratches her on her neck...HER NECK every time! She has claw marks all over her!

He bit her the hardest today in the nursery at church and all I keep thinking is "What if it would have been someone else's child he decided to attack?!?!"

So, he is done. I am dropping new boy and new girl off at their mom's house tomorrow morning and I will NOT be picking them up Wednesday. The agency will have to have something in place by then.

I feel so bad for new girl, she is so nice and they JUST got used to is so sad.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


When ever I get an african american or biracial child people LOVE to ask me "How do you know how to do their hair?!?!"

Well, I don't.

But, I have learned a few things along the way.

#1 don't be scared of it...because I was.

I will never forget walking thru the "ethnic" hair care aisle and asking my first african american foster child "Does any of this look familiar to you?" He was 3 years old at the time...he wasn't much help :)

#2 everyone uses/does something different.

After going through the "ethnic" hair care aisle with my 3 year old and picking up the most natural looking product I could find, I still asked any african american woman that looked approachable what they would use.

They would usually say "Just get some grease from the dollar store...they all carry it." Little did I know that "grease" usually does not literally say "grease" on the bottle.

#3 you probably are not going to ruin their hair. probably.

I have used several different products on my kids and I haven't ruined anyone's hair yet. My newest little girl just came back from her mom's house and I can tell her mom used baby oil in her hair and I was surprised that I kinda liked what it did to her hair...even after I messed with it.

All this to say...I have really appreciated any help I could find in this area and one of my "soon to be" fellow foster moms has a great blog about her daughter's hair that has given me some great ideas! You can find her at

I would suggest brushing up on at least a couple go to items/products if you said you are willing to take any race! You never know who you are going to get and I would much rather have mom saying "At least you tried" than "Why didn't you do anything with her hair?!?!"


Today my husband and I have been married for 10 years.

So far we have had one son & 7 foster children.

There are a lot more important things to add in there, but those are the ones that feel like they matter today.

I can't believe he ever agreed to step into this world with me...but, he is officially a rock star at it.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Oh, Lizzy....

Quotes from Lizzy's mom TO THE SOCIAL WORKER at the visit yesterday:

"Oh, I was going to pick up a snack for Lizzy, but I lost all my money playing Euchre."

"I can't go take my drug test because one of my fiends played a trick on me and gave me a hash brownie...I didn't really know the people though."

"I am so tired...I was out until 5am this morning...."

Monday, August 8, 2011


"Nya-my newest foster daughter"

Where...oh where to start.

This could be very very long. I really don't know how to put into words everything that went on today.

This morning was to be the start of my two new little peoples' 3 day visit with there mom...BUT there was a Dr. appt that needed to happen this morning too and mom has "no transportation" so the agency asked me to take my new little guy to it. I opted to take mom with me...because I am a glutton for punishment.

So, I will skip over the details about how mixed up everything was and I will start with pulling up to mom's house. Mom was sitting on her front porch steps waiting for me. Considering she had no idea when I was to come I found this funny. The kids were excited to see her and she was excited to see them. The first words out of her mouth were "Thank you so much for taking my kids!" and "Oh good! You brushed her hair! The last foster mom brought her back with her hair in huge knots!" Her assumption was that I was picking her up and taking her and her son to his Dr's appt (which was my plan, but I didn't know if anyone had told her that).

So, we left her daughter with her "finance" (I was not thrilled about that) and off we all went (with Lizzy) to the appt. Mom was friendly, loud and boisterous, but I will take that any day over cold and annoyed at me. Once we got the the Drs office she seemed to make a scene immediately even though I know she had no intention of it. At one point she called her son "little colored boy" (he is the same color she is) - to which an older african american lady made a very discussed face. It was pretty embarrassing being with her as she entertained her son by pretending to cut his head off and stuff even though he laughed the whole waiting room was not impressed with her parenting skills. Eventually she talked loud enough about all her business that everyone was aware that I was the foster mom, which at that point I kinda wanted everyone to know. :)

So, everything went ok. She shared some of her parenting secrets with me, such as, "I let them stay up until midnight or 1 am so that they are really tired so they sleep until noon so that when they get up I am ready for them" know, little gems like that.

To her credit she was nice to me, she seemed thankful and seems to understand her son's medical needs. I will tell you more about the rest of the craziness later.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I hope I get used to parenting/tolerating this "autistic like behavior" - I am not the most patient person and I really don't want to have to move them to yet another foster home :/

Friday, August 5, 2011

Today the social worker dropped by. Both the kids hid from her because they thought she was here to take them to a new home. It was really sad.

Also, once I finally looked through their paper work I found out that they will have been in foster care (via their grandma) for 17 months this month. With mom having 3 days a week unsupervised visits I hope the judge sends them home at the next hearing.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Day Two.

I am pretty shocked, especially since I am the kids' 3 foster care placement in two weeks, but these kids are pretty good kids. Having heard that the boy was "just whiny" I was pretty worried that he would whine constantly and I wasn't sure I could deal with that again/more. Well, this kid has nothing on Lizzy. She could out whine him any day of the week, still, even though she is better now. He only "whines" for a reason and it isn't even that loud. He has a hard time communicating BUT if you pay attention you can tell what he wants and I am very thankful for that.

I can only speak for today, but if I was to judge by today only these two kids COMBINE are easier to deal with than my Tina that just left. She gave me a good run for my money and she always spurred Lizzy on to even more whining than normal so it was a bad combo. The new girl & boy and Lizzy seem to get along pretty well...for now.

Today they did really good, no crying, no that I am saying it I am surprising myself. They were just pretty easy.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day One.

So after the new little guy stopped crying our night went pretty well. I just found out that today the little girl was diagnosed with the same thing her brother has...Fragile X Mutation. I got that straight from the lab work. The worker kept telling me it "mirrors autism" (you know, because I have some much experience with autism and should be totally prepared to deal with it at a moment's notice. Sigh.)

The two year old boy has facial features that you can tell are signs of things being "not right". His sister looks fine, but we noticed tonight that she appears to be involuntarily screaming-it just comes out all the time and I think sometimes she means to and sometimes she doesn't. Most of the time she just appears excited.

I am concerned that there may be an issue with Lizzy and the little boy. He is already biting her and touching her just a little too much. We'll see...I'll be keeping an eye on that. For right now I don't know if this will work or not, but I told the worker that from the beginning when I hesitantly accepted the placement.

Right now the kids have 3 day unsupervised visits with mom. I drop them off Monday morning and pick them up Wednesday evening. If you want to know how crass foster care can be let me share this with you. The placement worker (who I like by the way) was trying to "sell" me the kids by saying "You will only have them 4 days a week, but you will get paid for all 7." He needed a place for these kids to go, but that is never going to be the reason we say yes to anything. I only said yes because I felt like I should. I may have been right and I may have been wrong...but it wasn't because I was going to get "paid" for 3 days that I didn't have to take care of them.

Anyway, the kids have court on the 27th and they might go home...I hope that is the case. But, we all know how foster care goes.


I got a call today for a 4 & 7 year which I said no.

And then I got a call for a 2 & 3 year which I said yes.

Because I wanted to.

I hear that "the 3 yr old girl is a sweet heart...and the 2 year old boy has *something I have never heard of* and is like autism, but isn't autism...and he whines a lot"

How did I just end up saying yes to a child that is levels above what I agreed to?

I said yes, because it felt right, at least for right now.

*raises hand*

I have a question for all of your foster moms.

What is the youngest age you have see a child's parental rights terminated-as in totally terminated and available for adoption?

I want to know the age of the child and if you would like to share the circumstances and if you adopted them or not that is up to you.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

It went good. Very very good.

Water Park.

Today we are picking our first foster daughter and her mom and are taking them to a water park that is kinda close to their house. We were going to go to the zoo, but it is way too hot right now for that to be enjoyable so I decided the water park might be a good alternative.

I asked mom if she was up for it and she was. She actually seems kinda excited about it, she texted me last night to ask me if I wanted her to bring anything. Every time she does something "motherly" or "mature" a little piece of me is proud of her and is hopeful that she will figure out this mothering thing.

My husband is getting to go with us, I decided to try to plan this for his day off so that he could see Sabrina and I am excited that it worked out. He is excited too. I gave him a little pep talk about what I noticed was different about her the last time I saw her and thankfully I am married to a man that is very good with kids.

So, hopefully when you read this I will be busy playing with our sweet girl and my other wonderful kids that still live with us.

I'm excited.

Monday, August 1, 2011


Well, legal dad canceled his visit for today (YEA!!!!) I was hoping he would but I thought since he had shown up for the last one he would show for this one. To answer a question I got, there is little to no possibility that she would be placed with legal him and as far as him actually wanting her...I think if she had been nice to him from the beginning maybe he would have wanted her, but since she has disliked him from day one I don't think he really wants her. He just likes power and having legal rights to her so that he can stick it to her mom and her bio dad.

Also, mom was supposed to have a visit today and she canceled as well. BUT as usual she called me to cancel instead of the worker and the worker was not thrilled about that. I am thankful she wasn't upset with me, but she is getting really annoyed with mom. Mom wanted to reschedule for Friday, but the worker said no based on her canceling at the last moment. Mom, I am sure, will be really mad that she didn't get her way and I am sure I will get a phone call about that. Also, because her and bio dad broke up the worker said bio dad is not allowed in the visits anymore and Mom keeps trying to press the issue, but this worker isn't having it.

Have I mentioned I think I like this girl? She said she is documenting all of this and court should be very interesting.

Oh, and remember how I mentioned that some "cousin" had come out of the woodwork trying to get Lizzy? Well, I questioned her about that again and it turns out that the person is a relative of a different foster child at our agency and the old case worker had put her notes about him on Lizzy's file - the wrong child's file. So, no relative is actively trying to get Lizzy. Isn't that nice to know that they are so careful to get the right info on the right child's file?

Lizzy's great aunt that had her before I did called me. She is alway trying at make up some crazy way of getting Lizzy adopted by some family member. Usually she focuses on someone that is related to the family by marriage named Lucy. When this great aunt had Lizzy Lucy would babysit Lizzy all the time. Lucy can't have kids and has wanted Lizzy ever since Lizzy's mom was pregnant with her. The family tried to get Mom to sign the baby over to Lucy when she was first born, but I am sure mom kept Lizzy because of bio dad. About 6 months ago I called Lucy and chatted with her. She does not like Lizzy's bio mom and dad and is very open about the fact that she would NOT let Lizzy see them ever again if she get Lizzy. My favorite part was hearing the great aunt say "Well, she could tell mom that she could see her and then just not let her see her." Isn't that nice? Great Aunt also said that I could just adopt Lizzy and then give her to Lucy. You know, because that is how this all works. *sign* Obviously I will NOT be doing that.

So, anyway, I am just happy legal dad canceled :)