Monday, January 31, 2011


Baby is sick so all she wants to do is lay on me and sleep.

Sometimes I think that I may be better at this fostering thing than this adopting thing.

Holding other people's babies feels right and easy.

Holding kids that might be mine, could be mine has yet to feel "right"...and that is bothering me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


Some times I just want to run away.

Having 3 kids 2 yrs old and under is overwhelming. At least to me it is. I manage and I even can do it, but it is hard.

Sitting here having conversations about Joseph over and over and over again is overwhelming.

Missing Sabrina is overwhelming.

Staying with this agency that is a mess just in case Sabrina comes back into care is overwhelming.

Foster care is overwhelming.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


So, I asked Joseph's foster mom if anyone had ever thrown around the word autism concerning Joseph.

After a brief pause she said that she had and they had looked into in and no one wanted to diagnose him with it because so many of his delays could be linked to him being so premature.

This is a whole can of worms that we were not prepared for and don't know what to do with.

Friday, January 28, 2011


*Joseph & Tina*

I think that most people would probably label Tina as "The Typical Foster Child". Tina has an obvious attachment issue. She likes strangers as much as she likes me and she know no rules of personal space. When I take her out in public she practically crawls into any man's lap she can find (not embarrassing at all for me) and chats with them and tries to touch their is not my favorite thing in the world to deal with while I have two other kids with me.

Just like Lizzy, I think she has issues with me because of her real mom. Often when she is out of control and I go to put my hands on her to take her out of the situation she ducks and covers as if I am going to hit her. Just 2 days ago I was carrying around my belt I hadn't put on yet and she was eyeing it big time. When I came near her with it to see if she would react to it being close to her I saw her cringe. You can come to your own conclusions.

Tina is a taker. If she wants it she is going to take it. Period. She isn't scared of much and you can "discipline" her with time outs, talking to her, making her sit down, making her lay in her bed, ect. and she will get back up and do it again almost immediately. She gets into EVERYTHING and tears it apart. She can't sit still for longer than 2 seconds unless she is eating or she is in a high chair type of set up where she can't get out. He favorite things are to get into my pots and pan cabinet and get all of them out and litter the kitchen floor with them. Then she moves on to the shoes closet where she gets all the shoes out and throws them all over the floor. Then she moves on to the girls' bedrooms and rips all the books off the shelf and throws them into the baby's bed. Then she rips all the toys out of the toy box and throws them all over the bedroom, not really playing with any of them. Then she usually feels the need to take every doll in the house and undress them and rip their hair styles out too. She manages to do all of this just while I am making dinner. She would do this every single day if I let her and HAS done it for days and days and days until I basically have had to make the girls spend at least a few hours ONLY coloring in high chairs or playing in their highchairs with a few toys at a time. She is just such a tornado.

Even when I have her in coloring time she finds things to do she shouldn't. I gave her a snack while she colored. When she was finished I took the bowl away. I few seconds later out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand the baby something while she said "yum yum". I went over to see what she was doing and she had two different colors of chewed up crayon in her own mouth and had just given her sister a piece of crayon and told her to eat it, which she was in the process of doing. That is Tina for you.

One thing I have struggled with so much is Tina's behavior in the car. We are in the car A LOT. I drive Kobe to and from school every day, we have visits that we have to drive to, Joseph lives an hour and a half away and usually I have the kids with me for that too. When I first got Tina she would scream bloody murder for almost the whole car ride no matter how long or short. It drove me insane. Her favorite thing was to have a sippy cup, drop it two minutes into the ride and them proceed to flip out like she was on fire or something squirming and screaming while trying to get out of her seat belt. I would stop the car, pick it up for her, tell her to knock it off and 5 minutes later it would start all over again. It was horrible. That has calmed down because I started putting her in bed when we would get home EVERY TIME she acted like that. Now her favorite thing to do in the car is steal her sister's bottle and make her scream so often I have to try, if I can, to make it so she isn't sitting next to anyone in the car and is as close to me as possible.

One fun story about her car antics happened on our way home from picking up Joseph. Tina was mad at me because we were in the car and she had to stay in her seat belt. I know, I am very mean. Anyway, I tend to watch her in my rear view mirror. Ironically she tends to watch me as well. As I glanced back at her I see her spit in one hand, spit in the other hand and then rub it all over her own face. Boy did she show me. These kids are nothing if not creative.

She has colored on 2 of my walls, one right after the other.

She spends her time falling asleep kicking the sides of her crib in order to keep herself awake and used to just lay in their and jabber very loudly to herself as well to keep herself awake.

She hates to sleep and tries to avoid it at all costs.

This is Tina, the foster child they told me about in class that I never could have prepared for.

Welcome to the world of foster care.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


It is time to go there.

I go here all the time in my own head, but here it goes for all of you to read.

Back when Sabrina was living here and having overnight weekend visits with her mom things got bad. Very bad. Two times immediately after a visit I had to rush her to the ER to have a rape kit done on her. The first time they found some anal tares but said they could not "specifically link it to sexual assault because it could have been from her being extremely constipated"-which she was not.

The next time her vagina was VERY red and irritated and the doctor could see that, but could not link it to sexual assault. Sabrina multiple times told me that her "Uncle Manny" would touch her in her private parts. She said he put him finger "in" both of her areas and would laugh at her. She said he would pull her pants down and touch her and that it scared her. I asked her "who made him stop" and she told me her mom did.

She was very detailed in her stories and my eyes would bug out of my head as they started and just got worse as she unfolded some story no 3 year old could make up. CPS was called, the police were called, I even videotaped her telling me a whole story (which included a knife by the way) and because they literally didn't catch him in the act or get him to confess NOTHING HAPPENED. They stopped the visits for a few weeks, then they started right back up again. The last time happened not too long before she was returned to her mom.

I know this little girl was telling the truth. I did EVERYTHING in my power to help her, and at the end of the day I was still the one who was required to hand her over to the people who were letting this happen to her.

I struggle everyday with all of this. We are not allowed to protect these kids. I was not allowed to protect her. ALL I could do was BEG other people to and to be honest I don't think any of them cared. Even the therapist said to me "Well, hopefully when she goes home and it keeps happening she will tell someone."

She would have been removed from my care if I didn't take her to her visits. I would have gone to jail if I tried to hide her. So, I handed her over to them, weekend after weekend, praying that if it was going to happen that some evidence would be left behind, scared to death of what those words really meant.

I don't know what the point was. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. I begged God to stop this and He didn't. I truly wonder if there really is a way to help these kids because if there is I haven't found it yet.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Foster parents NEED to read this post.

It is a post written by a former foster child concerning food issues. Make sure you click "read more" if it is at the end of the page because she goes into some great tips of how to help kids with this.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

"Can you elaborate on the agency you use. I guess I just assumed that you can only foster from your state's child protective services division. I had no idea there were other agencies involved..."

I went thru an agency that a friend refereed me to get my foster license. I called our county's DHS (dept. of human resources) first and it ended up being easier to get licensed thru my agency (more flexible I guess) than thru DHS so we went with that. (that should have been my first clue that my agency may not be what it should be).

I have come to find that I don't know that I actually like this idea though. Basically, our agency is the middle man. All they do is deal with DHS for me, but I still have to deal with them so what is the difference between me talking to a worker at my agency (who can't make any decisions I might add) and me having to deal with a DHS worker (who CAN make decisions)? Hmmmm, maybe I just found the difference.

I have also found that I receive less money for the kids than people who are licensed directly through the state which I think is insane. I also have to keep track of some of the money which other people don't have to and I even have to give the family some of the money I get for the kids when they go home if I haven't used it. So, I get less and then on top of it I may have to give some it back. (which I did with Sabrina. I gave back around $350 which was her "personal needs" money that was left over-that is almost a whole months worth of money that they were giving me to care for her).

So, so far I am dealing directly with people that can't make any real decisions, (Such as when Lizzy's visits needed to be stopped and they "couldn't" do anything until I threw a HUGE fit and got everyone in front of a judge. The dhs worker, when i told them about the visits, told me that he had stopped visits over way less than what Lizzy was exhibiting) and they give me less money and require me to give some of it back even though I pay for every part of this child's existence except for her medical care.

I am sure there are other differences, but these are some of the "big" ones that have been grinding on me lately.

Q & A


"After hearing that about Lizzy I'm not sure if I should believe in our 'pre-adoptive' placement. That's absurd. Doesn't it kinda make you wonder about 'Joseph'!?!?!? :/"


I do not wonder about Joseph because his parental rights have already been terminated. Mom appealed this and did not win and she is appealing it again (for the last time they will allow it) and since she already lost the last appeal and is opting to represent herself I am not worried about it.

Yes, there is some small ridiculous chance that she might win her second appeal, and my car might also get caught in a giant sink hole on my way to pick up my son from school today. :)

One thing about Joseph's situation is that the adoption worker did misrepresent him to us at first. She acted as if he had no issues and he does. He has developmental delays that are very significant in his speech, social skills and in his movement. Because I knew some of his past medical history I did not believe her and was not blind sided when I met him.


"Just wondering if (Lizzy's) dad seemed like a decent guy? You can sense these things about people :) Any chance of dad getting them since they are divored, or does he even want them?

Any I always get confused about lizzy. Her bio dad is the one she likes but has no rights correct? and the legal dad is a druggie? and do both "dads" have visitation?"


Lizzy bio dad is the one she likes and that has no legal rights to her. He did/does not have any visitation with her but has spent time with her, especially lately because he drives Lizzy's mom every where and now the visits are unsupervised.

Bio dad seems like he is on the fringe of being a decent guy. I think he loves his kids and puts them first so that won a lot of points with me. I think that he is able to raise a child with out harming them BUT the environment in which she would be raised is questionable at best and will most likely be a detriment to the person she turns into. He does his best given his circumstances and I can't fault him for that.

Only legal dad has formal visitation.

Legal dad "could" get her, but that is highly unlikely and yes, he wants her.


"When are you coming to visit?!?!?! :)

We NEEED a Moms Night Out!"


As soon as I possibly can! :)


"ok, I am not following along I guess. NEITHER parent (of Tina and the baby) lives in your state? or just one of them does and the other lives elsewhere? Hoping they are feeling better soon!"


Tina and the baby's mom and dad started out in a different state, together. Dad stayed there during this whole entire mess while mom came to my state and got the kids taken away. She now is claiming she is going to move back to the state dad is in and that he has remained in this entire time. She used to live there with him.


"What if Joseph's adoption takes a year to finalize? I certainly hope that's not the case - but, I've been there done that & it took over a year. Why don't they just transfer Joseph's foster case to you, so you can have him in your home until the finalization of the adoption? & if they won't do that, then why can't you keep all of your girls until there is a more definate date for the adoption? We knew the date for the adoption hearing at least 2 weeks before it actually was finalized.
I know you think this, but once again it seems like nobody, but you, is concerned about the welfare of the child that has to be moved again."


We are not waiting for finalization, we are waiting for the court in his county to approve him moving into our home as an adoptive placement. It COULD take a very long time to finalize, but he will be in our home for that waiting period. He could not move into our home as a foster because HIS COUNTY does not have a foster agreement with MY AGENCY. They only have an adoption agreement. So, while we are waiting for paper work to be finished in order for him to move in we aren't waiting for ALL the paper work, thank goodness!

The paper work we are waiting on should take 6-8 weeks to get back and there is no real notice, as soon as it comes back they want to move him to our house so that the next immediate paper work can be filed asap.


" Any idea when Joseph might transition?"


Well, we are currently "transitioning" :) I am hoping he officially moves in by the end of February. We'll see.


"Do they have anyone who can help you with transportation for the visits? It's completely ridiculous for them to expect you to be able to be a chauffer service when you are trying to take care of three TODDLERS that THEY asked you to care for! "


No, my agency does not offer that at all. It seems that DHS tends to be more helpful than my current agency.


"How does DFPS view this (bio parents missing visits) in your state? In TX, the parents get in HUGE trouble if they cancel a visit without a very good reason, so they basically never cancel visits."


Boy do I wish I lived in Texas!!! Here they don't care. Until it has been a ridiculous amount of time they don't seem to do anything. I know one case here where the mom quit visiting for a YEAR and then she gave birth to another baby and now she is back working a case plan for both kids and they just let her.

Monday, January 24, 2011


Our weekend has been crazy, as usual. Going from 4 to 5 kids every once in a while always throws me for a loop. I will be back soon :)

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I have seen a few questions here and there in my comments that I haven't addressed yet because I wanted to address them in a post because that seemed to me to make sense.

Since I am going to do that soon, if you have any questions for me now is the time!

Ask away and I will answer how I always do, way too honestly :)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


*I found this picture online, I didn't take it myself*

It is going to be really weird around here if Lizzy leaves, and then the two new girls get moved to a different state around the same time and Joseph doesn't move in right away.

I was thinking about all that today.

Before we put in our two week notice I asked my husband "What if the girls leave, will we want to tell them to forget about our two week notice for Lizzy?"

We both decided no and I hate that.

Now all of Lizzy's bio family know that I put in my notice. The social worker, that I love so much, told legal dad who then called bio mom and told her-enjoying every minute that he knew before she did, I thought it was lovely of the social worker to just tell one of them.

Bio mom and her family are now all worked up because they don't want her to leave our house. I am glad that it is that way, but of course it has put a strain on things. I guess she called her aunt who I am friends with and was crying to her about it because bio mom was in foster care quite a bit herself when she was just and she "doesn't want Lizzy to go thru the things she did."

I guess she should have thought about that before she called CPS on herself and told them to take her child away "or she would kill her". If you didn't know before, that is exactly why Lizzy is in foster care. Her mom had a mental break down, call the police and told them that bio dad just beat her up and got him hauled off to jail and then called CPS on herself because she didn't want to take care of Lizzy. At one point I asked bio dad how it all played out and his story was similar to what I had heard, while making him sound like a saint, and I asked why no one would just baby sit Lizzy while he was gone dealing with the police (because he had always been Lizzy's main care giver) and he said that everyone in his family said they couldn't "handle" her-even for an hour. I guess he was on his way home from the police station as Lizzy got taken.

There was one specific thing at the very beginning of this that I should have taken better note of. When I got my very first call about Lizzy they mentioned she was in foster care for a week and then was with family for a few months, but now needed to move to foster care again. Since they were calling me I asked "Why doesn't her first foster home want her back?" - This was avery good question on my part BUT where I screwed up was believe the answer I got. "Oh, they are full right now." Yeah, I bet. As a foster parent I know that I WANT MY KIDS BACK IF THEY COME BACK INTO CARE...unless they were horrible. Also, I know TONS of families with my agency that have empty beds right now (us included) and that was the case even 8 months ago so...I think they "fabricated" that answer.

My favorite quote I have heard thus far in foster care came straight from Lizzy DHS work. I had just told him how I had been told that Lizzy was supposed to be an adoptive placement and obviously wasn't and he told me "Sometimes we have to paint lipstick on a pig to get it placed."

That, my friends, is our foster care system.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I will tell you all the horrid details of our weekend another day...

Lets talk about Friday, the day of court for my two newest little girls.

From what I understand mom thought she was getting them back that day, which in all honesty is laughable, so she must have been disappointed when she didn't. They adjourned until March in which time (hopefully before March I assume) they are hoping CPS can find a foster home for all the kids in the state that dad currently resides in and that mom says she is moving back to (which is where she originally was from). They live about 4 hours from where I live if that gives you a better idea of how this mess even happened.

Then, the judge ordered a 3 hour visit for THAT DAY which is how I got a call at all I am sure. They called me at work and asked if I could be at the agency for the visit at 1 pm. I told them I was at work, the kids were at home with a baby sitter so I would be there as soon as I could and I was glad that they were very understanding and said "No problem, we know this is very short notice." - Yeah, just a little.

I drove into the agency parking lot around 1:30 pm and there was a thin, short lady outside the building smoking. Her hair was very long and straight and dyed a reddish color. I kinda smiled at her as she watched me pull in because I figured that it was "mom", not that she looks anything like the kids right off hand. The kids are mixed so their over all looks tend to favor their dad.

She went in the building and I unloaded the kids. As I was getting the baby out and Tina was standing next to me in the parking lot I heard a male voice yell Tina's name. I quickly got to her and put my hand on her shoulder, looked for cars coming and then told her to run to dad. She ran right to him. By the time I walked across the parking lot mom was outside and I handed the baby to her. Then we all walked in the building.

They sat down on the couch with the kids and I stood a few steps away. Tina looked happy to see them, most of all her dad, and the baby was giving me the stink eye as if to say, "Are you kidding me? I just got away from this lady and you are giving me back to her?!?" I thought I might have been imagining her giving me that look, but later she proved that she and I were on the same page. Her dad was looking at her (the baby) and said to her mom "She looks traumatized" because she wasn't smiling and wouldn't look at her mom.

Then they went back into the visitation room.

I returned 2 1/2 hours later. I walked in the building and the parents came out with all 4 kids and everyone looked like they were doing pretty good. The oldest boy had a look on his face that told me he didn't want to leave and Tina immediately started acting just like she did when I first got her, ignored everything I said to her. The dad carried the baby out and when she saw me she lit up, giggled, said "ma ma!" and tried to leap out of his arms to get to me. It took all of 2 seconds and all I could think is "Oh crap, I am officially the enemy now." Nothing like having your kid want someone else AND calling them "mama"-those are almost fighting words. And you know in side I was smiling thinking about how much I love that little girl and am glad she likes me too.

So, they handed the kids over to me and we introduced ourselves. Like I said, they were in a much better mood after the visit, but we didn't stand around and talk. I packed the kids in the car and we left.

Before the parents and kids came out of the visit I did get a chance to meet the boys' foster mom. Turns out she lives about 10 minutes from us and we are going to get the kids together when we can. We exchanged phone numbers and have chatted since then. She is a newer foster mom and was quite surprised that they were talking about moving them to the other state. It made me feel quite jaded that I wasn't surprised at all.

Monday, January 17, 2011


it has been a vomit filled weekend.

for all 6 of us.

it sucked.

we are in recovery now.

I'll be back soon.

Friday, January 14, 2011


Today was nuts.

My two new little girls' parents had court today. The kids are all to remain in foster care, but mom and dad do not live in the state that mom got the kids taken away in (where I live) so they may/probably will be sent back to the state where their parents live. So, if they can find a foster home that will take them and if that state will accept the case they will be moving.

Court also called for a 3 hour visit TODAY (I love having 2 hours notice) which was interesting. I will fill you in on that later.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


To Whom It May Concern: January 12, 2011

We hereby officially turn in our two-week written notice for removal of our placement of "Lizzy".

Over the weekend of January 8-9th we have had several things come up (along with things that have happened in the past) that have made it so we will no longer be able to care for "Lizzy".

Over the weekend we were notified that our baby sitter would no longer be willing to watch "Lizzy" due to her extreme behavior and I also was made aware that I will be needing to put in more hours at work so I will no longer be able to maintain the visits that Lizzy is currently having with her mother and father.

If it were only these two things we would probably be able to figure something out, but we are also dealing with a lot of behavior issues from "Lizzy" that have made it so that we are not able to function in our normal life as we used to. We have gotten to the point where we are not able to go places and do thing with our extended family or just as we normally would for fear of her going into one of her rampages.

For example, just yesterday I was over at my sister’s house with all the kids. Everyone was playing and having a good time. I told "Lizzy" she could not do something and she started screaming and walked over to a chair and started banging her head on the chair seat. A few minutes later I told her to give a toy back to someone that she had taken it from and she then walked over to a toy bike and picked it up and threw the heavy bike. This is not the first time she has done this, it is the latest of MANY times she has done these things. She is getting more aggressive in her anger and is throwing bigger things. My husband and I have too many nieces and nephews around, let alone the children in our own home, to have her throwing big objects around all of them and also displaying this crazy behavior that some of them are picking up on and trying out. She is the only one that we have not been able to get to stop this behavior.

Just as I was typing this letter I had to go clean up a glass bowl that she got out of my cupboard and threw on the ground and shattered. At first it sounds like “lack of supervision” but you cannot keep your eye on a child 24/7 and these things literally take 30 seconds to do. She also threw toys at our main TV so much that she broke something inside it so now there is a red line across the top of the screen. It was a $1500 TV.

If it was just the baby sitter or just a few more hours at work or just throwing fits or just destroying our property we could probably deal with it, but when you lump it all together it is not something we are able to do or want to do at this time in our lives.

We request that you have "Lizzy" removed from our home at the latest by January 31st, 2011.

Now, to be completely honest I did not have a baby sitter that gave us "notice". I personally, do not even like leaving her with ANYONE because she is so out of control. The only person that I truly trust to watch her is my sister and that is only because she knows how I am with her and does the same. I don't know what the problem is, but now Lizzy is acting like she doesn't like my sister and won't listen to her either. So, I am left with really no really baby sitter but no one "gave me notice".

As far as work goes, I work for myself from home running a business that my husband and I started 5 years ago and Lizzy has been a HUGE hindrance to me running it like I used to. I know that I need to get that back under control and be able to function like I used to and I cannot while caring for Lizzy.

Everything else is completely true. I had myself all fired up to defend our decision once I told her worker, but when she called today and I told her that I had put the notice in her mailbox yesterday she acted like she didn't even care. She didn't ask me anything at all about why or if there was anything they could do. She hadn't even read the letter yet.

I was all ready with my stories about how I took her on a field trip with my son's class and she was totally out of control and unless I let her wander around and get into everything she would start screaming.

I was going to tell her how I had to photograph my aunt's wedding and she wouldn't even sit nicely for 2 minutes during the ceremony and my mom had to basically wrestle her the whole time in the back.

I was all ready with my stories and she didn't ask ANYTHING, which is best for me, but I am surprised.

When it came down to it, her case is just a mess and it would make every hour of my life easier to NOT have to deal with.

A lot of you mentioned that you had either seen or experience exceptions being made to this rule. IF Lizzy was the "adoptive" placement that they told us she was we would peruse something like that - BUT SHE IS NOT. There is NO reason to believe that she will not be returned to her mom in 6 months and now that she is spending more time with them she is getting worse and worse in her behavior.

Another problem is that Joseph had another family through our agency that was going to adopt him, it didn't work out but in the end there was a problem with them taking a placement that made it so there was no room for him (like what I have going on here right now) and I am not willing to risk that messing up things for our Joseph. Everyone on this case HATES our adoption worker, all they need is an excuse to be done with her...I just won't risk that. My job is to make MY kids a priority and it is LIZZY'S parents job to make HER a priority.

So, really, we decided to have her moved based on her behavior and all the crazy visits that are just getting to be more and more and I truly cannot keep up and still take care of my son, my JOB and the rest of my life.

I will miss her terribly, but I will NOT miss all the reasons that we decided on this.


Pipsylou, I emailed you, or tried to, did you get it?


Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Joseph had a court hearing Monday so that the judge can make sure his adoption plans are moving along.

All the workers and lawyers hate our adoption worker.

She has taken so long to do EVERYTHING that they all are so mad at her that they won't even look at her. She turned in a report stating that she submitted our consent to adopt to our state on Jan. 4th and they don't believe her. I hope so much she did it.

The only thing that has changed is that now Joseph can be with us, over night, for up to 10 days before having to return to his foster home and what and how we do the visits are now up to me and his foster mom to work out.

Have I mentioned she is awesome? :)

So, we will be working on figuring out a schedule that works best for Joseph. Both his foster mom and I are both on the same page, we want to move at HIS pace, not necessarily ours.

Have I mentioned I love her? :)

Now, there is the new, not so fun part. In the state I live you cannot have more than 3 foster children (or a mix of your children and foster children) under the age of 3 at once. So, at least one of our girls have to leave in order for him to come home. This is where it gets hairy. I can't just nicely tell my agency "This is the date that Joseph is moving in so whoever needs to leave", no, it couldn't be that easy. I have to HIDE the fact that I am moving a child in order to adopt another child because if they knew it was for that reason they won't move them. I was concerned about this and then our adoption worker confirmed it to me. She said, "When you put in your notice make sure you don't mention Joseph at all." This all makes me SO mad. So, because this was also an issue with a previous family that was going to adopt him I have to do something NOW so that I can make sure that our adoption of Joseph doesn't have an today I turned in my 2 week for one of our girls.

I will explain tomorrow how we chose who needs to move to another home.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Well, this post is late :) I left my camera over at my mom's house so I went almost 2 weeks without having a camera. It drove me nuts!

Apparently having 5 kids works out good when you need pictures to post on your blog with no one's face in them. lol

So, here are our pictures from our Christmas at home with our 5 kids.


My son, Lizzy, Joseph and the new baby.

Tina, Lizzy, Joseph

My son

My son


Lizzy and Joseph

Lizzy, Joseph and the new baby

I think you get the picture :) We had such a great time, it was very overwhelming I think for all of us. Everyone was adjusting, some better than Tina & Lizzy others...
I truly enjoyed having a houseful for Christmas. There was no time to think about anything besides what needed to be done, who needed to be cuddled, played with, diaper changed, meal was the busiest I have ever been but there is nothing like watching kids who haven't had much get excited over all the toys they get, eat until their little bellies are full and give you hugs and kisses all along the way.

Going from a family of 4 to a family of 7 (even if only for a few days) did not come without HUGE road bumps in the road, it was quite the adjustment, but we would do it all over again.
It has taken a couple weeks but things are finally getting normal and turning into a routine. Joseph's foster mom (who is a VERY seasoned foster mom - 37 years!) said she always feels like she is drowning the first 2 weeks of a new placement and I would say that time frame ended up being about right for us too.

Christmas ended up being perfect in a very crazy way :)

Monday, January 10, 2011


My girls decided that my bathroom needed a makeover this morning.

So they took care of it for me.

They are now residing in jail their beds for a while.

Anyone want a bathroom make over?

They are fast and work for free!

Friday, January 7, 2011


Have you ever read Courtney's blog "Storing Up Treasures"? I do. Every day. We don't have a lot in common...yet. ;) Someday I can't wait to sit down at my dinner table and see lots of little faces that are LEGALLY mine, but for now, sitting around my dinner table when all 7 of us are here is pretty darn close to perfect... for now.

Anyway, Courtney just added a "Blogs of Note" page to her blog so people can check out what she reads and who reads her know...friends meeting friends...who have never met in real life...isn't the internet great? :)

So, if you haven't checked her out, go check her out. She is a real person and I think that comes out in her writing, that is what I like about it.

Now, I am off to see how many times I will end up watching "The Time Traveler's Wife" while it is on HBO this month...I think that this is number 3...

Thursday, January 6, 2011


Here are the top 10 reasons why I am still fostering after EVERYTHING that I have experienced in foster care thus far:

1.  For every social worker who has made me doubt the system there has been a child that filled a spot in my heart that I never knew existed.

2.  For every tear I have ever cried over foster care there has been a giggle from a child that has made me smile from ear to ear.

3.  For every "bad" decision that had been made in court there has been a holiday that I got to celebrate with my precious kids.

4.  For every behavior that has made my head spin and my temper flare there has been a cuddle that my arms would have ached for had it not happened.

5.  For every visit that has been less than ideal there has been a sloppy kiss that has meant the world to me.

6.  For every child that has left there has been another that needed me just a little more than the last.

7.  For every piece of ridiculous paper work that had to be filled out there has been a tight hug around my neck that let me know every bit of it was worth it.

8.  For every court hearing, home visit, and random appt. I have had to deal with there has been a day of silly games, dress up and days at the beach to make up for it.

9.  For every minute of stress and heart ache there has been literally double the amount of minutes spent thanking God for asking me to do THIS, even when it hurts.

10.  For every risk that we took when we stepped into this there has been a reward that far out weighted any risk.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


My favorite thing in the whole world is when I show up to a visit, have to wait half an hour while the social worker and mom talk in her office and then the social worker breezes into the waiting room, tells me she is letting them have a 4 hour visit instead of just 3 and then snaps at me when I say that I have other things to do today and that isn't going to work for me.

She did apologize when I came back but still, my day is not all about this visit.  Is it too much to ask that I know what the plan is THE DAY BEFORE THE VISIT.

People are something else, everything is all about whatever they come up with that day.

Oh, and apparently, Lizzy's social worker that I just love so much apparently put in her two week notice.  I would say that is a long over due move.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Today I swung by the agency and picked up the girls' gifts.

As many of you have commented, I too have been THRILLED each Christmas at what great gifts the kids are given.  Very nice coats, clothes and toys and I was glad to see the girls, even at the last minutes, receive LOTS of great stuff.  People tend to open their hearts to these kids when they know there is a need.

I wonder if there is a way to let them know there are needs all year round that they could help with?  Would they want to?

Monday, January 3, 2011


*Tina & Lizzy working on their gingerbread house*
(by "working on" I mean eating the candy off of it as fast as I could get it on and please note I bought them their own so that when they wrecked it no one would be upset, a very good call on my part! )

You know what is annoying about taking care of foster kids?  You know, besides the obvious (see my last post).

It is dealing with all the behaviors that their life prior to you has taught them to act out.  I very often blame their bio parents for this, but I think it really is just a generational thing.  If I blame my kids' parents then I would need to blame their parents as well, and their parents, and so on.

I am using the word annoying very loosely, when in fact I truly do think it is just sad, but in your day to day life with these kids it come across as annoying.

My two 2 year olds are PRIME examples of this.  When Tina got here, well, ever since she got here, she has been a wild woman on a mission to fulfill any want or need she feels by any means necessary.  For two weeks she ONLY wanted to play with a toy if someone else had it.  I am not joking, I am being very literal.  NOTHING was of interest unless someone else was holding it.  Now, if that isn't annoying I don't know what is.  She would ALWAYS just run up and take it from them, by force if necessary, and if I made her give it back she would scream, cry, kick and just flip out.

Now, we are a little past the two week mark and she is actually doing better.  She is playing with things other people weren't holding and is actually starting to listen when I tell her to do something.  I may have to tell her 3 times, but she will eventually do it.  Before she would stare right through me and walk in the other direction with NO intention of listening to me.

When I saw how blatant the behavior was and how it started immediately I could tell that this is a child who hasn't had much.  She has only experience is to get something she wants she has to take it and if she gets in trouble throwing a fit will get her her way.

I have seen first had her dynamic with her older brothers.  I was only with all 4 of them for about an hour, but her older brothers ripped things out of her hand constantly.  When I watched her do it at my house I saw two thing, her taking over the role of her big brother and her acting on instinct.

These kids haven't been taught the appropriate way to do much of anything.  Sometimes all they know is that they will probably get the short end of EVERYTHING so they better take what they can get themselves.  Kellen was very much like this as well.  He struggled with this VERY much, but yet again, he was deprived of basic things and thought the only way to get them was to get if for himself.

It is so good to see progress, I see a lot of hope for Tina.  Tina is very verbally advance for her age.  She seems smart and I am sure, for a 2 yr old, is "street smart".  Today I realized that she came to me at 2 years - 3 months old just like Sabrina did.  From the minute she walked in the door she filled a huge hole that was empty inside me, regardless of the bad behavior, I look at her and see my little girl.  It is so odd that God has made me to be a mom to a revolving door of girls this age.  I don't like it when they leave, but I am so happy for the time that they are here.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Social workers.

When I got my two new little girls the DHS worker told me he would work on getting them some Christmas presents.

2 days before Christmas Eve their social worker called me and said she had some Christmas presents for them and would drop them off that day.

An hour or so later another random person from the agency called me and told me the worker had gifts for the kids and that they would be dropping them off that day.

She never came.

She called me on Christmas Eve saying she wanted to get them to me before it was too late and asked if she could drop them off that night, then asked if she could drop them off Christmas day.  They made sure to tell me they weren't wrapped.

She never came.

I called her a couple days after Christmas and said "I just wanted to make sure you didn't drop them off on the porch like I said you could because I never saw them and wanted to make sure that they didn't get stolen or something."  "I am so sorry!  No, I never dropped them off, I will be out in the field tomorrow and I will drop them off."

She STILL has never come.

I did at one point tell her that we HAD bought gifts for the girls so they would not be going without BUT it is January 2 and the girls still have never seen these gifts that the agency made such a big deal about.

What if they would have been their only gifts?