Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Any I always get confused about lizzy. Her bio dad is the one she likes but has no rights correct? and the legal dad is a druggie? and do both "dads" have visitation?"
We NEEED a Moms Night Out!"
I know you think this, but once again it seems like nobody, but you, is concerned about the welfare of the child that has to be moved again."
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
To Whom It May Concern: January 12, 2011
We hereby officially turn in our two-week written notice for removal of our placement of "Lizzy".
Over the weekend of January 8-9th we have had several things come up (along with things that have happened in the past) that have made it so we will no longer be able to care for "Lizzy".
Over the weekend we were notified that our baby sitter would no longer be willing to watch "Lizzy" due to her extreme behavior and I also was made aware that I will be needing to put in more hours at work so I will no longer be able to maintain the visits that Lizzy is currently having with her mother and father.
If it were only these two things we would probably be able to figure something out, but we are also dealing with a lot of behavior issues from "Lizzy" that have made it so that we are not able to function in our normal life as we used to. We have gotten to the point where we are not able to go places and do thing with our extended family or just as we normally would for fear of her going into one of her rampages.
For example, just yesterday I was over at my sister’s house with all the kids. Everyone was playing and having a good time. I told "Lizzy" she could not do something and she started screaming and walked over to a chair and started banging her head on the chair seat. A few minutes later I told her to give a toy back to someone that she had taken it from and she then walked over to a toy bike and picked it up and threw the heavy bike. This is not the first time she has done this, it is the latest of MANY times she has done these things. She is getting more aggressive in her anger and is throwing bigger things. My husband and I have too many nieces and nephews around, let alone the children in our own home, to have her throwing big objects around all of them and also displaying this crazy behavior that some of them are picking up on and trying out. She is the only one that we have not been able to get to stop this behavior.
Just as I was typing this letter I had to go clean up a glass bowl that she got out of my cupboard and threw on the ground and shattered. At first it sounds like “lack of supervision” but you cannot keep your eye on a child 24/7 and these things literally take 30 seconds to do. She also threw toys at our main TV so much that she broke something inside it so now there is a red line across the top of the screen. It was a $1500 TV.
If it was just the baby sitter or just a few more hours at work or just throwing fits or just destroying our property we could probably deal with it, but when you lump it all together it is not something we are able to do or want to do at this time in our lives.
We request that you have "Lizzy" removed from our home at the latest by January 31st, 2011.
Now, to be completely honest I did not have a baby sitter that gave us "notice". I personally, do not even like leaving her with ANYONE because she is so out of control. The only person that I truly trust to watch her is my sister and that is only because she knows how I am with her and does the same. I don't know what the problem is, but now Lizzy is acting like she doesn't like my sister and won't listen to her either. So, I am left with really no really baby sitter but no one "gave me notice".
As far as work goes, I work for myself from home running a business that my husband and I started 5 years ago and Lizzy has been a HUGE hindrance to me running it like I used to. I know that I need to get that back under control and be able to function like I used to and I cannot while caring for Lizzy.
Everything else is completely true. I had myself all fired up to defend our decision once I told her worker, but when she called today and I told her that I had put the notice in her mailbox yesterday she acted like she didn't even care. She didn't ask me anything at all about why or if there was anything they could do. She hadn't even read the letter yet.
I was all ready with my stories about how I took her on a field trip with my son's class and she was totally out of control and unless I let her wander around and get into everything she would start screaming.
I was going to tell her how I had to photograph my aunt's wedding and she wouldn't even sit nicely for 2 minutes during the ceremony and my mom had to basically wrestle her the whole time in the back.
I was all ready with my stories and she didn't ask ANYTHING, which is best for me, but I am surprised.
When it came down to it, her case is just a mess and it would make every hour of my life easier to NOT have to deal with.
A lot of you mentioned that you had either seen or experience exceptions being made to this rule. IF Lizzy was the "adoptive" placement that they told us she was we would peruse something like that - BUT SHE IS NOT. There is NO reason to believe that she will not be returned to her mom in 6 months and now that she is spending more time with them she is getting worse and worse in her behavior.
Another problem is that Joseph had another family through our agency that was going to adopt him, it didn't work out but in the end there was a problem with them taking a placement that made it so there was no room for him (like what I have going on here right now) and I am not willing to risk that messing up things for our Joseph. Everyone on this case HATES our adoption worker, all they need is an excuse to be done with her...I just won't risk that. My job is to make MY kids a priority and it is LIZZY'S parents job to make HER a priority.
So, really, we decided to have her moved based on her behavior and all the crazy visits that are just getting to be more and more and I truly cannot keep up and still take care of my son, my JOB and the rest of my life.
I will miss her terribly, but I will NOT miss all the reasons that we decided on this.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Going from a family of 4 to a family of 7 (even if only for a few days) did not come without HUGE road bumps in the road, it was quite the adjustment, but we would do it all over again.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
1. For every social worker who has made me doubt the system there has been a child that filled a spot in my heart that I never knew existed.
2. For every tear I have ever cried over foster care there has been a giggle from a child that has made me smile from ear to ear.
3. For every "bad" decision that had been made in court there has been a holiday that I got to celebrate with my precious kids.
4. For every behavior that has made my head spin and my temper flare there has been a cuddle that my arms would have ached for had it not happened.
5. For every visit that has been less than ideal there has been a sloppy kiss that has meant the world to me.
6. For every child that has left there has been another that needed me just a little more than the last.
7. For every piece of ridiculous paper work that had to be filled out there has been a tight hug around my neck that let me know every bit of it was worth it.
8. For every court hearing, home visit, and random appt. I have had to deal with there has been a day of silly games, dress up and days at the beach to make up for it.
9. For every minute of stress and heart ache there has been literally double the amount of minutes spent thanking God for asking me to do THIS, even when it hurts.
10. For every risk that we took when we stepped into this there has been a reward that far out weighted any risk.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
She did apologize when I came back but still, my day is not all about this visit. Is it too much to ask that I know what the plan is THE DAY BEFORE THE VISIT.
People are something else, everything is all about whatever they come up with that day.
Oh, and apparently, Lizzy's social worker that I just love so much apparently put in her two week notice. I would say that is a long over due move.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
As many of you have commented, I too have been THRILLED each Christmas at what great gifts the kids are given. Very nice coats, clothes and toys and I was glad to see the girls, even at the last minutes, receive LOTS of great stuff. People tend to open their hearts to these kids when they know there is a need.
I wonder if there is a way to let them know there are needs all year round that they could help with? Would they want to?
Monday, January 3, 2011
It is dealing with all the behaviors that their life prior to you has taught them to act out. I very often blame their bio parents for this, but I think it really is just a generational thing. If I blame my kids' parents then I would need to blame their parents as well, and their parents, and so on.
I am using the word annoying very loosely, when in fact I truly do think it is just sad, but in your day to day life with these kids it come across as annoying.
My two 2 year olds are PRIME examples of this. When Tina got here, well, ever since she got here, she has been a wild woman on a mission to fulfill any want or need she feels by any means necessary. For two weeks she ONLY wanted to play with a toy if someone else had it. I am not joking, I am being very literal. NOTHING was of interest unless someone else was holding it. Now, if that isn't annoying I don't know what is. She would ALWAYS just run up and take it from them, by force if necessary, and if I made her give it back she would scream, cry, kick and just flip out.
Now, we are a little past the two week mark and she is actually doing better. She is playing with things other people weren't holding and is actually starting to listen when I tell her to do something. I may have to tell her 3 times, but she will eventually do it. Before she would stare right through me and walk in the other direction with NO intention of listening to me.
When I saw how blatant the behavior was and how it started immediately I could tell that this is a child who hasn't had much. She has only experience is to get something she wants she has to take it and if she gets in trouble throwing a fit will get her her way.
I have seen first had her dynamic with her older brothers. I was only with all 4 of them for about an hour, but her older brothers ripped things out of her hand constantly. When I watched her do it at my house I saw two thing, her taking over the role of her big brother and her acting on instinct.
These kids haven't been taught the appropriate way to do much of anything. Sometimes all they know is that they will probably get the short end of EVERYTHING so they better take what they can get themselves. Kellen was very much like this as well. He struggled with this VERY much, but yet again, he was deprived of basic things and thought the only way to get them was to get if for himself.
It is so good to see progress, I see a lot of hope for Tina. Tina is very verbally advance for her age. She seems smart and I am sure, for a 2 yr old, is "street smart". Today I realized that she came to me at 2 years - 3 months old just like Sabrina did. From the minute she walked in the door she filled a huge hole that was empty inside me, regardless of the bad behavior, I look at her and see my little girl. It is so odd that God has made me to be a mom to a revolving door of girls this age. I don't like it when they leave, but I am so happy for the time that they are here.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2 days before Christmas Eve their social worker called me and said she had some Christmas presents for them and would drop them off that day.
An hour or so later another random person from the agency called me and told me the worker had gifts for the kids and that they would be dropping them off that day.
She never came.
She called me on Christmas Eve saying she wanted to get them to me before it was too late and asked if she could drop them off that night, then asked if she could drop them off Christmas day. They made sure to tell me they weren't wrapped.
She never came.
I called her a couple days after Christmas and said "I just wanted to make sure you didn't drop them off on the porch like I said you could because I never saw them and wanted to make sure that they didn't get stolen or something." "I am so sorry! No, I never dropped them off, I will be out in the field tomorrow and I will drop them off."
She STILL has never come.
I did at one point tell her that we HAD bought gifts for the girls so they would not be going without BUT it is January 2 and the girls still have never seen these gifts that the agency made such a big deal about.
What if they would have been their only gifts?