Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Q & A


"After hearing that about Lizzy I'm not sure if I should believe in our 'pre-adoptive' placement. That's absurd. Doesn't it kinda make you wonder about 'Joseph'!?!?!? :/"


I do not wonder about Joseph because his parental rights have already been terminated. Mom appealed this and did not win and she is appealing it again (for the last time they will allow it) and since she already lost the last appeal and is opting to represent herself I am not worried about it.

Yes, there is some small ridiculous chance that she might win her second appeal, and my car might also get caught in a giant sink hole on my way to pick up my son from school today. :)

One thing about Joseph's situation is that the adoption worker did misrepresent him to us at first. She acted as if he had no issues and he does. He has developmental delays that are very significant in his speech, social skills and in his movement. Because I knew some of his past medical history I did not believe her and was not blind sided when I met him.


"Just wondering if (Lizzy's) dad seemed like a decent guy? You can sense these things about people :) Any chance of dad getting them since they are divored, or does he even want them?

Any I always get confused about lizzy. Her bio dad is the one she likes but has no rights correct? and the legal dad is a druggie? and do both "dads" have visitation?"


Lizzy bio dad is the one she likes and that has no legal rights to her. He did/does not have any visitation with her but has spent time with her, especially lately because he drives Lizzy's mom every where and now the visits are unsupervised.

Bio dad seems like he is on the fringe of being a decent guy. I think he loves his kids and puts them first so that won a lot of points with me. I think that he is able to raise a child with out harming them BUT the environment in which she would be raised is questionable at best and will most likely be a detriment to the person she turns into. He does his best given his circumstances and I can't fault him for that.

Only legal dad has formal visitation.

Legal dad "could" get her, but that is highly unlikely and yes, he wants her.


"When are you coming to visit?!?!?! :)

We NEEED a Moms Night Out!"


As soon as I possibly can! :)


"ok, I am not following along I guess. NEITHER parent (of Tina and the baby) lives in your state? or just one of them does and the other lives elsewhere? Hoping they are feeling better soon!"


Tina and the baby's mom and dad started out in a different state, together. Dad stayed there during this whole entire mess while mom came to my state and got the kids taken away. She now is claiming she is going to move back to the state dad is in and that he has remained in this entire time. She used to live there with him.


"What if Joseph's adoption takes a year to finalize? I certainly hope that's not the case - but, I've been there done that & it took over a year. Why don't they just transfer Joseph's foster case to you, so you can have him in your home until the finalization of the adoption? & if they won't do that, then why can't you keep all of your girls until there is a more definate date for the adoption? We knew the date for the adoption hearing at least 2 weeks before it actually was finalized.
I know you think this, but once again it seems like nobody, but you, is concerned about the welfare of the child that has to be moved again."


We are not waiting for finalization, we are waiting for the court in his county to approve him moving into our home as an adoptive placement. It COULD take a very long time to finalize, but he will be in our home for that waiting period. He could not move into our home as a foster because HIS COUNTY does not have a foster agreement with MY AGENCY. They only have an adoption agreement. So, while we are waiting for paper work to be finished in order for him to move in we aren't waiting for ALL the paper work, thank goodness!

The paper work we are waiting on should take 6-8 weeks to get back and there is no real notice, as soon as it comes back they want to move him to our house so that the next immediate paper work can be filed asap.


" Any idea when Joseph might transition?"


Well, we are currently "transitioning" :) I am hoping he officially moves in by the end of February. We'll see.


"Do they have anyone who can help you with transportation for the visits? It's completely ridiculous for them to expect you to be able to be a chauffer service when you are trying to take care of three TODDLERS that THEY asked you to care for! "


No, my agency does not offer that at all. It seems that DHS tends to be more helpful than my current agency.


"How does DFPS view this (bio parents missing visits) in your state? In TX, the parents get in HUGE trouble if they cancel a visit without a very good reason, so they basically never cancel visits."


Boy do I wish I lived in Texas!!! Here they don't care. Until it has been a ridiculous amount of time they don't seem to do anything. I know one case here where the mom quit visiting for a YEAR and then she gave birth to another baby and now she is back working a case plan for both kids and they just let her.


Rebecca said...

Good grief! The whole thing about the parents not making visits is just ludicrous to me. There is a lot messed up about the system, even here in TX, but at least the judges (and DFPS) really crack down on parents who don't make it to visits.

As far as transporting, just to be clear, my agency (who I LOVE) does not help with transporting. They simply do not have the staff. However DFPS does provide transporters if you work full time or if there are extenuating circumstances (like multiple other small children in the home). Anyway, I don't think it is unusual for your agency to not be able to help, but I do find it crazy that DFPS doesn't help when you have so many kids.

Jen said...

I wish I lived in Texas too.. I had to keep going for visits for LM's parents to no-show for months, and each time it seemed like it was no big deal?? frustrating...good questions :)

Heather said...

I didn't think I had questions until I read your answers! Some stuff makes more sense now. I am praying for Josephs transition to be seamless! You are a wealth of knowledge friend.

aka. "Mimi" said...

I have to admit, as many problems as we have here in Texas, after following so many of your stories from other states, we DO have a lot going for us here that many of you do not. I am SO VERY THANKFUL that DFPS offers the assistance that it does as far as transporting. My county's CPS offers quarterly clothing allotments ON TOP OF our daily stipends. We have assistance available for camps and extra curricular activities. Despite everything that is broken within the system, the state does try to provide assistance for their foster families when they can.

Carol said...

I have some concerns for Joseph's developmental future. I would hope for him a normal development from here on out, but the things that you have shared about his current developmental delays concerns me greatly. We have an almost 3 yr old who has been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. We brought him home from the hospital so he has been in our family his whole life. He developed normally until he was about 2. (Some children with autism show early signs of problems) He then started loosing verbal and other developmental skills. Now a few months later he has been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. His care and needs are life altering. His needs are all encompassing and very confining. My son and daughter-in-law were the ones who adopted him. My son currently is a stay at home dad to care for this boy's needs. He is unable to care for their 1 yr old daughter because of the great demands on him by their son. So even with dad at home she spends her days with us. If they had seen what the future held would they have changed their decision to adopt him? NO. He is part of our family and we all love him dearly and are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to help him be all that he can be.

Feel free to email me for further discussion if you would like.

Pipsylou said...

This foster care thing is a TOTAL TRIP. I am confused...it seems that rights can be terminated even if parents want the kiddos?

Mrs. Bird said...

Thank you for this post. We have been doing this for five months now and are finally catching on to how certain things work. I wish it didn't have to be so much drama, for everyone involved...Can you elaborate on the agency you use. I guess I just assumed that you can only foster from your state's child protective services division. I had no idea there were other agencies involved...

CherubMamma said...

It seems that the TX advantages must be regional. Where I'm at, we have absolutely no assistance with transportation of any kind! And we get absolutely nothing from CPS in addition to our monthly stipend.

I haven't had to deal with any missed visit issues yet though. (Hopefully I won't.)

This fostering stuff is a trip!!