Thursday, January 13, 2011

Lizzy.

To Whom It May Concern: January 12, 2011

We hereby officially turn in our two-week written notice for removal of our placement of "Lizzy".

Over the weekend of January 8-9th we have had several things come up (along with things that have happened in the past) that have made it so we will no longer be able to care for "Lizzy".

Over the weekend we were notified that our baby sitter would no longer be willing to watch "Lizzy" due to her extreme behavior and I also was made aware that I will be needing to put in more hours at work so I will no longer be able to maintain the visits that Lizzy is currently having with her mother and father.

If it were only these two things we would probably be able to figure something out, but we are also dealing with a lot of behavior issues from "Lizzy" that have made it so that we are not able to function in our normal life as we used to. We have gotten to the point where we are not able to go places and do thing with our extended family or just as we normally would for fear of her going into one of her rampages.

For example, just yesterday I was over at my sister’s house with all the kids. Everyone was playing and having a good time. I told "Lizzy" she could not do something and she started screaming and walked over to a chair and started banging her head on the chair seat. A few minutes later I told her to give a toy back to someone that she had taken it from and she then walked over to a toy bike and picked it up and threw the heavy bike. This is not the first time she has done this, it is the latest of MANY times she has done these things. She is getting more aggressive in her anger and is throwing bigger things. My husband and I have too many nieces and nephews around, let alone the children in our own home, to have her throwing big objects around all of them and also displaying this crazy behavior that some of them are picking up on and trying out. She is the only one that we have not been able to get to stop this behavior.

Just as I was typing this letter I had to go clean up a glass bowl that she got out of my cupboard and threw on the ground and shattered. At first it sounds like “lack of supervision” but you cannot keep your eye on a child 24/7 and these things literally take 30 seconds to do. She also threw toys at our main TV so much that she broke something inside it so now there is a red line across the top of the screen. It was a $1500 TV.

If it was just the baby sitter or just a few more hours at work or just throwing fits or just destroying our property we could probably deal with it, but when you lump it all together it is not something we are able to do or want to do at this time in our lives.

We request that you have "Lizzy" removed from our home at the latest by January 31st, 2011.




Now, to be completely honest I did not have a baby sitter that gave us "notice". I personally, do not even like leaving her with ANYONE because she is so out of control. The only person that I truly trust to watch her is my sister and that is only because she knows how I am with her and does the same. I don't know what the problem is, but now Lizzy is acting like she doesn't like my sister and won't listen to her either. So, I am left with really no really baby sitter but no one "gave me notice".


As far as work goes, I work for myself from home running a business that my husband and I started 5 years ago and Lizzy has been a HUGE hindrance to me running it like I used to. I know that I need to get that back under control and be able to function like I used to and I cannot while caring for Lizzy.


Everything else is completely true. I had myself all fired up to defend our decision once I told her worker, but when she called today and I told her that I had put the notice in her mailbox yesterday she acted like she didn't even care. She didn't ask me anything at all about why or if there was anything they could do. She hadn't even read the letter yet.


I was all ready with my stories about how I took her on a field trip with my son's class and she was totally out of control and unless I let her wander around and get into everything she would start screaming.


I was going to tell her how I had to photograph my aunt's wedding and she wouldn't even sit nicely for 2 minutes during the ceremony and my mom had to basically wrestle her the whole time in the back.


I was all ready with my stories and she didn't ask ANYTHING, which is best for me, but I am surprised.


When it came down to it, her case is just a mess and it would make every hour of my life easier to NOT have to deal with.


A lot of you mentioned that you had either seen or experience exceptions being made to this rule. IF Lizzy was the "adoptive" placement that they told us she was we would peruse something like that - BUT SHE IS NOT. There is NO reason to believe that she will not be returned to her mom in 6 months and now that she is spending more time with them she is getting worse and worse in her behavior.

Another problem is that Joseph had another family through our agency that was going to adopt him, it didn't work out but in the end there was a problem with them taking a placement that made it so there was no room for him (like what I have going on here right now) and I am not willing to risk that messing up things for our Joseph. Everyone on this case HATES our adoption worker, all they need is an excuse to be done with her...I just won't risk that. My job is to make MY kids a priority and it is LIZZY'S parents job to make HER a priority.


So, really, we decided to have her moved based on her behavior and all the crazy visits that are just getting to be more and more and I truly cannot keep up and still take care of my son, my JOB and the rest of my life.


I will miss her terribly, but I will NOT miss all the reasons that we decided on this.

12 comments:

La Mama Loca said...

I understand why you made the decision you made. Sorry you had to be put in such a position.

It is so sad to see the kids grow more and more out of control as they get closer to reunification. I can understand their whole worlds are out of whack, but still makes it hard to deal with!

I often thought that was God preparing our hearts for when Goofy Girl and La Loquita were going to leave. GG was a nightmare most days and we were almost relishing the days without some of the drama.

Of course things changed and she is here forever, which I don't regret... but there have been some things that never went away after all that extra time with the bios.

Many hugs and prayers!

Lynn said...

Foster parenting seems to be all about the crappy decisions. The ones we have to make as foster parents. And the ones we have to live with that others (bio parents, workers, judges, etc.) make around us.

Praying for you!!

Tammy said...

Sending up prayers for you. Those decisions are hard. No one can even start to understand unless they have walked in your shoes. It is hard to love them and let them go when it is time.
Praying for a speedy hassel free adoption and a smooth transition for Lizzy and your family.
Hugs,
Tammy

Tammy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Bird said...

I'm sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision. Thinking of you...

Rebekah said...

I know that decision didn't come lightly. Praying for your family - including Lizzy.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers. So soery you have had such a difficult decision to face. I know you have thought long and prayed hard. You must do the right thing for your family and to prepare for the permanancy of Joseph.

Thinking of you.....

Debbie said...

I know you didn't make this decision without lots of thought and prayer. Will be praying that it all goes smoothly with her transition out and with Joseph's transition in.

Still being new to foster I have to say I'm shocked that her worker didn't ask any questions. You'd think they'd want all the help they can in preparing her new foster parents.

Tammy (aka. Mimi) said...

I'm so sorry you guys were put in that position. I know how difficult it is to ask to have a child moved, and I know exactly the kinds of mixed emotions you must be feeling right now. I think most foster parents have been there at one time or another. Just know that you made the best decision that you could make given the circumstances. Praying for all of you during the transition... You know where I am if you need to talk. Much love, ~T...

StarfishMom said...

L, I wouldn't go into detail about having her moved unless they require it. I would use the 'ill-equipped' line. Her needs are greater than you have been trained for.
Sometimes less is more. Call me if you need to chat. XOXOXO

the johnson crew said...

wow, that is tough. what a mess. i feel sad about lizzy being so confused by her bio parents and so upset. i will pray that everything goes well with sweet joseph. - it has been a while since i have been to your blog (i'm just trying to keep up with life.) Blessings, Janelle

mamamargie said...

I had to end my care for two of my foster kids, basically because their biological father was making so many demands and the social worker just kept telling me I had to make the dad happy. Whaaat?! I had no life and couldn't care for my other two kids, so I made the decision to have them moved. I always thought I could have worked with them longer and their behavior would have improved IF I didn't have to deal with the bio dad and the system. I'm praying for Lizzy and for you. I understand and I'm sorry for all of you. Praying your adoption worker gets her act together.