Wednesday, January 19, 2011


*I found this picture online, I didn't take it myself*

It is going to be really weird around here if Lizzy leaves, and then the two new girls get moved to a different state around the same time and Joseph doesn't move in right away.

I was thinking about all that today.

Before we put in our two week notice I asked my husband "What if the girls leave, will we want to tell them to forget about our two week notice for Lizzy?"

We both decided no and I hate that.

Now all of Lizzy's bio family know that I put in my notice. The social worker, that I love so much, told legal dad who then called bio mom and told her-enjoying every minute that he knew before she did, I thought it was lovely of the social worker to just tell one of them.

Bio mom and her family are now all worked up because they don't want her to leave our house. I am glad that it is that way, but of course it has put a strain on things. I guess she called her aunt who I am friends with and was crying to her about it because bio mom was in foster care quite a bit herself when she was just and she "doesn't want Lizzy to go thru the things she did."

I guess she should have thought about that before she called CPS on herself and told them to take her child away "or she would kill her". If you didn't know before, that is exactly why Lizzy is in foster care. Her mom had a mental break down, call the police and told them that bio dad just beat her up and got him hauled off to jail and then called CPS on herself because she didn't want to take care of Lizzy. At one point I asked bio dad how it all played out and his story was similar to what I had heard, while making him sound like a saint, and I asked why no one would just baby sit Lizzy while he was gone dealing with the police (because he had always been Lizzy's main care giver) and he said that everyone in his family said they couldn't "handle" her-even for an hour. I guess he was on his way home from the police station as Lizzy got taken.

There was one specific thing at the very beginning of this that I should have taken better note of. When I got my very first call about Lizzy they mentioned she was in foster care for a week and then was with family for a few months, but now needed to move to foster care again. Since they were calling me I asked "Why doesn't her first foster home want her back?" - This was avery good question on my part BUT where I screwed up was believe the answer I got. "Oh, they are full right now." Yeah, I bet. As a foster parent I know that I WANT MY KIDS BACK IF THEY COME BACK INTO CARE...unless they were horrible. Also, I know TONS of families with my agency that have empty beds right now (us included) and that was the case even 8 months ago so...I think they "fabricated" that answer.

My favorite quote I have heard thus far in foster care came straight from Lizzy DHS work. I had just told him how I had been told that Lizzy was supposed to be an adoptive placement and obviously wasn't and he told me "Sometimes we have to paint lipstick on a pig to get it placed."

That, my friends, is our foster care system.


Lynn said...

There sure is a lot broken in "the system".

But know that YOU made a difference in Lizzy's life while she was there. The time she spent with you was safe. She was loved.

And now, because of said wonderful system, you have to let her go.

It's a rough decision I'm sure. But you'll be able to take a breather before Joseph comes and "nest" a little. I'm sure the time will go by quite quickly.

Jen said...

wow..that is horrible, and it is so sad that workers feel it necessary to behave this way..We had a horrible experience several months ago, where vital information was left out when we agreed to take a 2 yr old.. sadly it was much more than we were able to handle, esp with a little baby.. anyway. Lizzy and the others, have been so blessed to have a family like yours to love them..praying for you as well as the kids for a very smooth transition..xo

Rebecca said...

"Sometimes we have to paint lipstick on a pig to get it placed." That makes me SO angry!!! That is EXACTLY what happened with my 1st placement. CPS said the kids were being removed from another foster home b/c the foster mom spanked the 3-year-old. What they failed to mention was that the 3-year-old was such a holy terror that she was kicked out of 2 daycares in 6 months. Then, they got angry with me when I turned in my notice. I made VERY clear that had they told the TRUTH when they placed the girls, I would have never accepted the placement and they would not find themselves in this most unfortunate situation...I just kept pointing out to them that it was THEIR lies that caused a disrupted placement....and my agency backed me on that.

I hate this for Lizzy, but you should feel NO guilt over having to let her go. You were lied to. Plain and simple.

StarfishMom said...

After hearing that about Lizzy I'm not sure if I should believe in our 'pre-adoptive' placement. That's absurd. Doesn't it kinda make you wonder about 'Joseph'!?!?!? :/

Tammy (aka. Mimi) said...

As many times as I've been lied to by CPS, I've pretty much learned not to believe a word until you hear it straight from the judge's mouth during the hearings. I no longer believe when they say, "pre-adoptive" placement UNLESS parents' have already been TPR'd and the child's permanency plan is already adoption. Only then would I even BEGIN to get my hopes up.

With my first baby, I was flat out lied to when I asked a very specific question. It happens all the time. I've just learned to read between the lines and am learning to speak "Caseworker" when it comes to translating into the truth. "Little Timmy got upset and needs a new home" could easily mean "Little Timmy pushed foster mom down the stairs and threatened to kill her." (That was an actual potential placement call that another foster mom friend of mine received. Fortunately, her "Caseworker Speak Radar" kicked in and she declined the placement, but she later found out from that child's former foster mother what actually happened.) It's definitely wise to trust your instincts. Caseworkers are desperate to get these kids into homes. Unfortunately, their way of doing it can lead to more disrupted placements than there ever should be. Been there. Done that. Beginning to learn my lesson and trust my gut.

Penelope said...

It's difficult to watch them leave. We had 2 kids move out at the same time and our 3-year-old, Stinkpot, doesn't understand. He has had a hard time adjusting and began acting out. I wish I knew what to tell you to keep that from happening to you. Little minds comprehend differently.

Unknown said...

As a foster parent and CPS intake caseworker myself, I am always completely open and honest with the foster parents. It breaks my heart to see this post and the subsequent comments. I know not every JFS is the same and some are very broken, but I take pride in ours and the fact that we truly care about our kiddos and foster parents. Thank you all for opening your heart up to these precious kiddos.