Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I will tell you all the horrid details of our weekend another day...

Lets talk about Friday, the day of court for my two newest little girls.

From what I understand mom thought she was getting them back that day, which in all honesty is laughable, so she must have been disappointed when she didn't. They adjourned until March in which time (hopefully before March I assume) they are hoping CPS can find a foster home for all the kids in the state that dad currently resides in and that mom says she is moving back to (which is where she originally was from). They live about 4 hours from where I live if that gives you a better idea of how this mess even happened.

Then, the judge ordered a 3 hour visit for THAT DAY which is how I got a call at all I am sure. They called me at work and asked if I could be at the agency for the visit at 1 pm. I told them I was at work, the kids were at home with a baby sitter so I would be there as soon as I could and I was glad that they were very understanding and said "No problem, we know this is very short notice." - Yeah, just a little.

I drove into the agency parking lot around 1:30 pm and there was a thin, short lady outside the building smoking. Her hair was very long and straight and dyed a reddish color. I kinda smiled at her as she watched me pull in because I figured that it was "mom", not that she looks anything like the kids right off hand. The kids are mixed so their over all looks tend to favor their dad.

She went in the building and I unloaded the kids. As I was getting the baby out and Tina was standing next to me in the parking lot I heard a male voice yell Tina's name. I quickly got to her and put my hand on her shoulder, looked for cars coming and then told her to run to dad. She ran right to him. By the time I walked across the parking lot mom was outside and I handed the baby to her. Then we all walked in the building.

They sat down on the couch with the kids and I stood a few steps away. Tina looked happy to see them, most of all her dad, and the baby was giving me the stink eye as if to say, "Are you kidding me? I just got away from this lady and you are giving me back to her?!?" I thought I might have been imagining her giving me that look, but later she proved that she and I were on the same page. Her dad was looking at her (the baby) and said to her mom "She looks traumatized" because she wasn't smiling and wouldn't look at her mom.

Then they went back into the visitation room.

I returned 2 1/2 hours later. I walked in the building and the parents came out with all 4 kids and everyone looked like they were doing pretty good. The oldest boy had a look on his face that told me he didn't want to leave and Tina immediately started acting just like she did when I first got her, ignored everything I said to her. The dad carried the baby out and when she saw me she lit up, giggled, said "ma ma!" and tried to leap out of his arms to get to me. It took all of 2 seconds and all I could think is "Oh crap, I am officially the enemy now." Nothing like having your kid want someone else AND calling them "mama"-those are almost fighting words. And you know in side I was smiling thinking about how much I love that little girl and am glad she likes me too.

So, they handed the kids over to me and we introduced ourselves. Like I said, they were in a much better mood after the visit, but we didn't stand around and talk. I packed the kids in the car and we left.

Before the parents and kids came out of the visit I did get a chance to meet the boys' foster mom. Turns out she lives about 10 minutes from us and we are going to get the kids together when we can. We exchanged phone numbers and have chatted since then. She is a newer foster mom and was quite surprised that they were talking about moving them to the other state. It made me feel quite jaded that I wasn't surprised at all.


Tammy (aka. Mimi) said...

Yep... "Them's fightin' words!" :) I just wrote a post about why I have the kids call me "Mimi," and that's one of the reasons. A lot of the parents already see us as "the enemy." And hearing their baby call me "Mama" isn't going to help matters. (Although I am DYING to hear a little one say "Mama" and know that they are talkin about me!)

Rebecca said...

I used to feel bad that the kids call me "Mom" until multiple caseworkers told me that it is completely normal for kids to call their primary caretakers "mom" and "dad" and that they would be more concerned if they didn't! I offered my current kids several options other than Mom and they REFUSED to call me any of them. They ASKED to call me Mom! Their bio mom doesn't like it one bit, but, as the caseworker said, it's not about her, it is about whatever makes the kids feel most secure.

Heather said...

You are probably going to hate me after we get our kids because I am going to ask you questions all.the.time.


La Mama Loca said...

Lol those are fighting words...but it can go both ways! I remember when Goofy Girl first had visits w/ bio mom after over a year from seeing her (MIA from 11 mos to 2 yrs old). In all her 'talking' development, there was no one but me to call Mama. When bio mom started visits, she kept insisting Goofy Girl call her Mami. Oh did it grate on my nerves when she would...although GG thought that was bmom's name...she didn't equate that with "mommy". I can see why they are fighting words....but I also think the kids have a right to feel 'normal' and call their caregivers mom and dad. If the bios want to be mom and dad, then they need to work their case plan and get them back!