Monday, January 3, 2011


*Tina & Lizzy working on their gingerbread house*
(by "working on" I mean eating the candy off of it as fast as I could get it on and please note I bought them their own so that when they wrecked it no one would be upset, a very good call on my part! )

You know what is annoying about taking care of foster kids?  You know, besides the obvious (see my last post).

It is dealing with all the behaviors that their life prior to you has taught them to act out.  I very often blame their bio parents for this, but I think it really is just a generational thing.  If I blame my kids' parents then I would need to blame their parents as well, and their parents, and so on.

I am using the word annoying very loosely, when in fact I truly do think it is just sad, but in your day to day life with these kids it come across as annoying.

My two 2 year olds are PRIME examples of this.  When Tina got here, well, ever since she got here, she has been a wild woman on a mission to fulfill any want or need she feels by any means necessary.  For two weeks she ONLY wanted to play with a toy if someone else had it.  I am not joking, I am being very literal.  NOTHING was of interest unless someone else was holding it.  Now, if that isn't annoying I don't know what is.  She would ALWAYS just run up and take it from them, by force if necessary, and if I made her give it back she would scream, cry, kick and just flip out.

Now, we are a little past the two week mark and she is actually doing better.  She is playing with things other people weren't holding and is actually starting to listen when I tell her to do something.  I may have to tell her 3 times, but she will eventually do it.  Before she would stare right through me and walk in the other direction with NO intention of listening to me.

When I saw how blatant the behavior was and how it started immediately I could tell that this is a child who hasn't had much.  She has only experience is to get something she wants she has to take it and if she gets in trouble throwing a fit will get her her way.

I have seen first had her dynamic with her older brothers.  I was only with all 4 of them for about an hour, but her older brothers ripped things out of her hand constantly.  When I watched her do it at my house I saw two thing, her taking over the role of her big brother and her acting on instinct.

These kids haven't been taught the appropriate way to do much of anything.  Sometimes all they know is that they will probably get the short end of EVERYTHING so they better take what they can get themselves.  Kellen was very much like this as well.  He struggled with this VERY much, but yet again, he was deprived of basic things and thought the only way to get them was to get if for himself.

It is so good to see progress, I see a lot of hope for Tina.  Tina is very verbally advance for her age.  She seems smart and I am sure, for a 2 yr old, is "street smart".  Today I realized that she came to me at 2 years - 3 months old just like Sabrina did.  From the minute she walked in the door she filled a huge hole that was empty inside me, regardless of the bad behavior, I look at her and see my little girl.  It is so odd that God has made me to be a mom to a revolving door of girls this age.  I don't like it when they leave, but I am so happy for the time that they are here.

1 comment:

Kelli said...

That is interesting. Very much "necessary behavior" from the lives they have led, and don't realize yet it's not that way anymore. I can still see you with a "look" on your face explaining inappropriate behavior to Sabrina. I like how you can identify why they are acting that way, but not let it go like it's ok. I know you put a LOT of hard work into the correct behavior of your kids! you rock :)