Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sabrina.

It is time to go there.

I go here all the time in my own head, but here it goes for all of you to read.

Back when Sabrina was living here and having overnight weekend visits with her mom things got bad. Very bad. Two times immediately after a visit I had to rush her to the ER to have a rape kit done on her. The first time they found some anal tares but said they could not "specifically link it to sexual assault because it could have been from her being extremely constipated"-which she was not.

The next time her vagina was VERY red and irritated and the doctor could see that, but could not link it to sexual assault. Sabrina multiple times told me that her "Uncle Manny" would touch her in her private parts. She said he put him finger "in" both of her areas and would laugh at her. She said he would pull her pants down and touch her and that it scared her. I asked her "who made him stop" and she told me her mom did.

She was very detailed in her stories and my eyes would bug out of my head as they started and just got worse as she unfolded some story no 3 year old could make up. CPS was called, the police were called, I even videotaped her telling me a whole story (which included a knife by the way) and because they literally didn't catch him in the act or get him to confess NOTHING HAPPENED. They stopped the visits for a few weeks, then they started right back up again. The last time happened not too long before she was returned to her mom.

I know this little girl was telling the truth. I did EVERYTHING in my power to help her, and at the end of the day I was still the one who was required to hand her over to the people who were letting this happen to her.

I struggle everyday with all of this. We are not allowed to protect these kids. I was not allowed to protect her. ALL I could do was BEG other people to and to be honest I don't think any of them cared. Even the therapist said to me "Well, hopefully when she goes home and it keeps happening she will tell someone."

She would have been removed from my care if I didn't take her to her visits. I would have gone to jail if I tried to hide her. So, I handed her over to them, weekend after weekend, praying that if it was going to happen that some evidence would be left behind, scared to death of what those words really meant.


I don't know what the point was. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. I begged God to stop this and He didn't. I truly wonder if there really is a way to help these kids because if there is I haven't found it yet.

12 comments:

StarfishMom said...

:( My heart breaks for her and what she had/has to endure.

Rebecca said...

Wow! It sure seems like there was enough evidence to at least order that she never be around the uncle. That just makes me SICK.

Mrs. Bird said...

I'm so sorry for you, and for Sabrina. What a broken world we live in :( A little boy died yesterday in my state, his mom and her bf beat him. The whole thing makes me sick.

Debbie said...

Awful, the whole thing.
I pray that the influence you had on her life will stay with her as she grows up. That she'll always have your love and protection deep inside her.

Heather said...

Words can't even cover how angry this makes me. And if my heart is breaking for Sabrina I know yours is shattered. Praying for that sweet girl.

Rebekah said...

It's horrifying. I can't imagine how you'd be able to feel peace...but rest easier knowing that you did enough.

You did enough to make a difference is S's life.

Our Journey said...

This breaks my heart and enrages me!! Poor Sabrina!!! Praying for her protection from that uncle....sickening!!

Beck G. said...

This makes me so sick. How is this system helping these kids? They are just handing them back to the situations they were in! A 3 year old? Breaks my heart. Why is life so unfair for these sweet, innocent children?

Kylee said...

I really, really, really hate this...ugh. Our system is so messed up.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

It's so hard to watch the system return them to a place of harm and pain. But the system can never take away our ability to continue to pray for them......praise God for that.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

It's so hard to watch the system return them to a place of harm and pain. But the system can never take away our ability to continue to pray for them......praise God for that.

mamamargie said...

Sometimes I just want scream. They ask us to care for the children. Being a social worker is not just another job. When a social worker messes up a child's entire future is messed up! When I left foster care, I told a friend, "I can handle the kids just fine. It's the system I have a hard time dealing with!"