I go here all the time in my own head, but here it goes for all of you to read.
Back when Sabrina was living here and having overnight weekend visits with her mom things got bad. Very bad. Two times immediately after a visit I had to rush her to the ER to have a rape kit done on her. The first time they found some anal tares but said they could not "specifically link it to sexual assault because it could have been from her being extremely constipated"-which she was not.
The next time her vagina was VERY red and irritated and the doctor could see that, but could not link it to sexual assault. Sabrina multiple times told me that her "Uncle Manny" would touch her in her private parts. She said he put him finger "in" both of her areas and would laugh at her. She said he would pull her pants down and touch her and that it scared her. I asked her "who made him stop" and she told me her mom did.
She was very detailed in her stories and my eyes would bug out of my head as they started and just got worse as she unfolded some story no 3 year old could make up. CPS was called, the police were called, I even videotaped her telling me a whole story (which included a knife by the way) and because they literally didn't catch him in the act or get him to confess NOTHING HAPPENED. They stopped the visits for a few weeks, then they started right back up again. The last time happened not too long before she was returned to her mom.
I know this little girl was telling the truth. I did EVERYTHING in my power to help her, and at the end of the day I was still the one who was required to hand her over to the people who were letting this happen to her.
I struggle everyday with all of this. We are not allowed to protect these kids. I was not allowed to protect her. ALL I could do was BEG other people to and to be honest I don't think any of them cared. Even the therapist said to me "Well, hopefully when she goes home and it keeps happening she will tell someone."
She would have been removed from my care if I didn't take her to her visits. I would have gone to jail if I tried to hide her. So, I handed her over to them, weekend after weekend, praying that if it was going to happen that some evidence would be left behind, scared to death of what those words really meant.
I don't know what the point was. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. I begged God to stop this and He didn't. I truly wonder if there really is a way to help these kids because if there is I haven't found it yet.