Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Adoption

Joseph had a court hearing Monday so that the judge can make sure his adoption plans are moving along.

All the workers and lawyers hate our adoption worker.

She has taken so long to do EVERYTHING that they all are so mad at her that they won't even look at her. She turned in a report stating that she submitted our consent to adopt to our state on Jan. 4th and they don't believe her. I hope so much she did it.

The only thing that has changed is that now Joseph can be with us, over night, for up to 10 days before having to return to his foster home and what and how we do the visits are now up to me and his foster mom to work out.

Have I mentioned she is awesome? :)

So, we will be working on figuring out a schedule that works best for Joseph. Both his foster mom and I are both on the same page, we want to move at HIS pace, not necessarily ours.

Have I mentioned I love her? :)


Now, there is the new, not so fun part. In the state I live you cannot have more than 3 foster children (or a mix of your children and foster children) under the age of 3 at once. So, at least one of our girls have to leave in order for him to come home. This is where it gets hairy. I can't just nicely tell my agency "This is the date that Joseph is moving in so whoever needs to leave", no, it couldn't be that easy. I have to HIDE the fact that I am moving a child in order to adopt another child because if they knew it was for that reason they won't move them. I was concerned about this and then our adoption worker confirmed it to me. She said, "When you put in your notice make sure you don't mention Joseph at all." This all makes me SO mad. So, because this was also an issue with a previous family that was going to adopt him I have to do something NOW so that I can make sure that our adoption of Joseph doesn't have an hiccups...so today I turned in my 2 week for one of our girls.

I will explain tomorrow how we chose who needs to move to another home.

14 comments:

mjprieur said...
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Kelli said...

Wow, interesting rules the state has. Too bad they only follow them when it works for them. Good luck and always thinking about you and praying for you!

Beck G. said...

That is really interesting. We have the same rules for having 3 under 3, but because Patty had just turned 3, we were okay. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. But that is unfortunate having to make the decision to move one of them. Praying for your family and the decisions you will be making!

Aloha Kakou said...

That's such a tough decision. However, I am so excited that you're adopting Joseph. You're doing an amazing thing, taking in all these kids and loving them as your own. :-) I'm glad that you and his foster mom are so close and have developed such a good relationship :) I'm sure that it's frustrating about his adoption worker seeming to drag her feet, however, I believe we just have to trust in God's timing :)

Carol said...

We live in the same state. We were told by our state licensing worker that the rule is 3 and under--so any child 3 years old is counted. We had a license for 2. We had two 3 yr olds with finalized adoptions and one 1 1/2 yr old placed here and we weren't getting any other placements. When we questioned DHS we were told that we had our limit for the three 3 and under rule. The 1 1/2 yr old was adopted by a family member giving us one opening to be in compliance with that 3 and under rule.

Having said that, last January we had placed with us a 14 mo old and his 2 day old sister--giving us four 3 and under. One of our 3 yr olds turned 4 at the end of March so for 2 1/2 mo we were in violation of that rule.

So I am thinking that they overlook what serves them. Another tidbit that might be helpful is the fact that it is possible to get an exception to rules like that. We have a friend with a licensed home who has gotten exceptions to their total number of kids under the age of 17.

So don't give up easily unless you want to. You may be able to push them.

La Mama Loca said...

I'm sure it was hard to come that decision!!

We have a rule of no more than 4 under 6. However, they read that as 6 and under, not 'under 6'. We had our older 3, a foster baby that was on track to go home, and had Goofy Girl who was in another foster home, but unofficially our pre adoptive placement. We fought hard and were able to get a waiver from the state allowing us to have 5...even though Smarty Pants was over 6 at the time. Then we later had 5 under six again when we had siblings of the kids in our home. They can bend the rules if it is in the best interest of the kids to do so.

Again, sorry you were stuck making this choice! Hoping things move along quickly for Joseph!

jendoop said...

Again, the wisdom of Solomon would come in handy! So sorry you have to make a choice like that. Good luck with all the legal tiptoeing.

Jess said...

Choices like that are so cruel to make a person do! At one point in our journey we were faced with the situation of adopting 2 boys the same age at once...the work asked me which one we wanted more. Our system is amazing! (NOT)

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

Oh what a terribly hard decision to make.....

Paula, With all my heart said...

Sorry you have to chose. I hope things go fast for you. I also know the feeling of having a terrible social worker.

Diane said...

I'm sorry you have to make these kinds of choices. Hope all works out well.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

update.....desperately waiting for your update as to how you made your decision:)
You have been on my mind....

Rebecca said...

For some reason I did not see this until today, but I was specifically coming to check to see if you'd gone ahead with this decision because I knew you were coming up to the time when the decision would need to be made.

Based on the things we've discussed, I really do think you made a wise decision for ALL involved...including the one who is moving. Your family will be able to bond better with Joseph with one less little person running around and the time that you will NOT have to spend transporting that little one to and from visits will be HUGE for your family.

Will be praying for you as you face letting her move on...you have loved her well and I know she'll always hold a special place in your heart :)

mamamargie said...

Wow! Tough decision! I know you will move forward under God's direction and guidance.

By the way, we had to wait an entire year from the date termination happened to the time we could adopt because our adoption worker had done none of the paperwork. She was fired and someone else had to do the work she was supposed to have done. Oh, that was frustrating! Hoping yours goes better!