Thursday, February 24, 2011

Returned.

I never told you about my trip out to Joseph's foster mom's house to take him all the things she had sent with him to our house and all the things we bought him.

When I went I had all 3 girls with me. I walked in and he smiled at me. I was greeted by his foster siblings who are too cute and his foster mom...have I mentioned she is awesome. She never made me feel guilty and has called me just to talk. Not to talk about Joseph, just to talk. I am so glad I didn't loose that.

Anyway, after I came in, Joseph wanted me to pick him up which I was surprised about, but of course I gladly scooped him up.

He wouldn't let me put him down.

I went out side to get some things out of my car.

He wouldn't let me put him down.

He confiscated my keys and cell phone because I let him play with them at my house.

He wouldn't let me put him down.

He was sitting on my lap a little awkwardly so I scooted him back away from me and he scooted right back so that his body was pressed into mine as much as it could be.

He wouldn't let me put him down. It worked out pretty good though because I didn't want to put him down.

His foster mom and I exchanged looks, both knowing that at least one heart was breaking in that room, if not two or three. He is little, he will forget, but I will never ever ever forget.

I haven't forgotten why we decided to make the decisions we did, but in those moments I questioned EVERYTHING. I also knew that once reality set in again the decisions would remain the same.

I stayed hours longer than I intended. His foster mom knew I was saying good bye and never rushed us out. We talked and talked and talked and I cuddled with a little boy that I love, but couldn't commit to.

When I left he cried. I never would have dream that he would do that. It felt a little wrong to leave without him in the car. At the same time packing him up and taking him with me didn't feel right either.

I never dreamed that I would have to do any of the things that I have had to do since becoming a foster parent. It is truly another world, another world full of beautiful yet hurt children that I never would have known. They deserve to be known, they deserve to have a voice and hope. They deserve so much better than this little hidden world has given them.

6 comments:

CherubMamma said...

I'm all teared up now!!

When I think about what I'm smack dab in the middle of...this crazy world of fostering...my heart breaks. It's overwhelming.

I want to save them all.

But I can't.

You made the decision that is best for your family. There is no shame in that!! You're still helping so many children.

Hang in there!!

FootPrints said...

now you got me crying!!
i dont know what to say...you last paragraph ended it perfectly

Diane said...

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! Yes, it is truly another world. You are opening eyes to see into that world in hopes that more children might be positively touched.

Beck G. said...

I am glad you got to say goodbye, got some of that closure. You truly are a wonderful example of one of the best foster parents! That little boy (and all your kids) are so, so lucky to have you in their lives!

Pipsylou said...

Favorite post.

EVER.

mamamargie said...

No words. Just sending some hugs and prayers your way.