Sunday, February 13, 2011


Lizzy's mom is getting WAY too comfortable around me. She thinks we are really good friends, and yes, I am a good friend, but it is hard to get "close" to these people because eventually they start talking too much.

In one conversation she ended up telling me THREE things that technically I should probably report.

1. She had been off her medicine for a week. She is only allowed to have Lizzy back if she stays one this medicine.

2. They heat their house up by tuning on the oven and leaving the door to it open. She even went as far as to tell me that during their unsupervised visit when they went back to their house with Lizzy that she, Lizzy, saw the oven door open and said "Hot!" and ran over and slammed it shut. Safe, huh?

3. She told me her and her brother got into a fist fight last week while she was staying at her aunt's house.

Now, as I said, I probably should report this, but I am not going to and I will tell you why.

I have already been there and done ALL of this with Sabrina's mom and it didn't change anything, no one did anything and it didn't seem that legally there was anything to do.

1. The medication. If she started taking it again then what is there to do? If she didn't start taking it again they would tell her to, but have no way to follow up with this.

2. Heating the house. They would tell they not to heat the house like this. Then what? They aren't going to "make sure" that they don't.

3. The fighting. Because Lizzy wasn't present and the police weren't called it doesn't matter.

I have already been there and done ALL of this and am officially too jaded to think other wise.


StarfishMom said...

I have also come to the conclusion that anything that happens regarding Sprout is out of my control. My job is to feed him, bathe him, clothe him and love him and of course, pray for him. God knows my hearts desire. Praying for you, my friend. I know this is hard! XOXOX

Me and Jesus said...

what if it does make a difference? I know it seems pointless. I know it may not help. But you know all that stuff documented "should" show up on court paperwork. It might not change the big picture right now. But if something "big" and/or life threatening happens, people will sit up and pay attention. To have all these little details in there could be helpful then.

my kids parents were given chance after chance after chance... but you know it was all documented. When they finally killed a child, all that documentation was used in court to overturn the appeals. It showed that it was not a one time moment of stupidity/ignorance.

Ginger Perry said...

That's horrible that you (or anyone) feels that it is pointless to report things that "we" are suppose to report. What's the point in all of that training? I hope the courts make the right decision for Lizzy!

I was andering if you knew of any blogs that had older (7-13 year old) foster kids? Our kids range from 7-11 and they have been in the system for almost a year and a half, and I find it REALLY hard to discipline them, because they just don't care. I need advice!!!!! LOL

Pipsylou said...

yes. this is EXACTLY why i want to keep a distance!

Rebecca said...

Oh gosh. Part of me wants to tell you YOU HAVE TO REPORT IT!!! And then I read your words and realize you are right. Reporting it won't do ANY good. I reported several things with my other girls and all it did was alienate the bio family. They were still eventually returned to the family, but after the family found out I had reported several things (because the ad litem attorney told them I had reported it--illegal!!!!), they cut off all contact and the girls were not allowed to even call me anymore.

I know I did "the right thing," and yet a part of me wishes I had just kept my mouth shut because if I had I would still have contact with the older girls. :(

Mrs. Bird said...

I'm inclined to think that you NEED to report all that. I understand that you're feeling disillusioned and that you feel it won't make a difference, but what if it does? I'm sure you would feel awful if Lizzy were seriously injured, on the oven for example, and you hadn't at least tried to get someone to address it...JMO.

@Ginger Perry-If you email me I can try and help you out with some resources :)

Not Just A Birth Mom said...

I know it would be the "Right" thing to report it, but having dealt with the system myself, I know you are 100% right in believing it won't make a difference. Child "Protection" Services just doesn't do what it is supposed to.

La Mama Loca said...

AAAhhhhhh, I remember taking Goofy Girl and La Loquita to a see an extension cord going from mom's apartment to the laundry room. They were running all their appliances off of a few different cords, then connected to the one going to the hall. Forget the fire hazard. Forget the illegal stealing of power from the apt. complex.

CW said they don't worry about HOW they get their electricity as long as they have it. Lovely!

Thankfully, a few days later, they were reported by someone else in the complex, and later evicted.

Diane said...

I know how frustrating the system is, but when we give up and play their game, I think we are giving up. If it were me, I would report the first two, either to the case worker legally responsible for Lizzy or to her GAL or both, in writing. I agree with you on #3. Although there is a good chance nothing will happen, you might get someone who really cares. With #1, they should be able to medically spot check her with most medications, usually with a urinealysis (UA) test. I try to always express my concerns as things that need to be resolved to help BM get her child back so I try not to come across as the stereotypical foster parent trying to keep the child - it doesn't always work. But in the end, I know I did all that I could and I didn't just become part of the lousy system.

Penelope said...

Wow! You can take a redneck out of the country... You should document this and file it away to bring up before reunification if it goes that far. The State can look at the dates on the prescriptions to see that she hasn't been taking her meds. Hopefully, that is listed in her services plan.