I had made my husband call and tell Joseph's foster mom that we would not be adopting him and made him call the adoption worker too. I just couldn't do it. Well, the adoption worker didn't get the message and called me to ask how our visit went over the weekend (that we didn't have) and I ended up being the one to tell her and yes, it was as bad as I imagined it would be.
She was obviously disappointed, and in a round about way acted as if we should have known that we didn't want to do this and made it clear she wouldn't be calling us for anymore kids. Towards the end of the conversation she got nicer, but everything I was worried she would say she did. I lived through it and thankfully at this point in time I truly am not interested in THEM offering us any other kids either because I DON'T TRUST THEM. That ended up being the whole problem. We should have never even been offered this child let alone led to believe that his issues would "go away". The minute I started digging into everything everything that they had told just were "delays" started to be called "disabilities" and it was obvious things had been very sugar coated to say the least.
Joseph is a wonderful little boy and he does not deserve to be "marketed" like this. Who ever adopts him needs to know everything BEFORE they are one signature away from forever. I know that he will be a JOY to someone, we just are not ready to dive into the "what if's" of a child that we are already struggling to connect with.
Anyway, first I had that phone call, then, as you know, I called to beg Lizzy's social worker to make a plan for her transition. Our agency closes at 5 pm. I got a call at 5:05 pm from her worker telling me she doesn't think a transition is a good idea and she thinks we should just do the move..."unless we are having second thoughts."
I am pretty sure this is where I GOT PLAYED LIKE A FIDDLE. I think that she declined the transition period in hopes that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do that to Lizzy...and she was right. She told me to sleep on it and let her know in the morning. Lizzy was scheduled to be moved at 1:30 pm the next day.
I called my husband and was in the middle of asking him if he thought we should keep her as Lizzy hopped up on me and swung her sneaker covered foot into my face and kicked me in the face. As if her screaming the whole ride home from picking my son up from school wasn't enough to remind me of what I was agreeing to the kick to the face was that extra push I needed...to go ahead and agree to keep my Lizzy until she is returned to her parents.
I love this little out of control, whiny child. I am not sure why (j/k), but I couldn't bring myself to hand her over to strangers and then just leave her, crying I am sure. I couldn't do it. I was in the worst mood ever that day. Sad about Joseph, stressed about Lizzy, overwhelmed by other things that are going on in my life and the only thing that made me feel better was the idea of KEEPING her.
So, as of this morning it is official.
Lizzy is here to stay.
And I am enrolling her in daycare this week.
Alternate Title to this post: "With One Swift Kick to the Face She is Here to Stay"
10 comments:
Daycare will be good for her, and you :)
And THAT'S why I LOVE you :)
Keep on keepin' on!!!
XOXOXOXOXO
and that is why you are a good foster mom.
Wow. Sad for you as you had to make that decision about Joseph, and sad for the whole Lizzy situation. But God does have a plan for your family and for Lizzy. Praying things work out the way they are supposed to! You ARE amazing!
love the alternate title :)
I know it is hard to make calls like you've had to make, but I think you have to do what is right for your family.. I do hate how workers sugar coat everything as though they are selling you the child..((that is how I felt anyway at a certain time with a certain child))
I am praying for you all and Lizzy.. and I do think daycare will be good, for you both!
I couldn't do it without daycare! Believe me, it's worth it.
I'm so sorry about all of the difficult decisions regarding Joseph. I know that has to be hard. Just know you guys are doing the very best that you can do for yourselves and ALL of your kiddos.
I like the alternate title very much.
What a change from one day to the next. Knowing they weren't preparing the other family for all that Lizzie brings with her I'm glad she's staying with you. You know what her triggers and signals are.
Very sad about Joseph, you're right though, that the family wanting to adopt him needs to be informed from the beginning about his disabilities.
It will be interesting to see how Lizzy does in daycare. My little "darling" was kicked out of 3 daycares in 6 months because she was so aggressive with the other kids and violent towards the teachers. :( I would be specifically praying that she will do well at daycare. I think daycare is what you NEED to do to make this work for your family and for Lizzy...just make sure they are fully aware of her behaviors and willing to work with you so you don't have to deal with getting calls 3-4 times a day like I did from the daycare...and then finding a new one.
Alternate title = perfection.
Also, praying for you, Lizzy, daycare, and Joseph during this time! You have so much going on it is unbelievable! I'm glad Lizzy is staying, you are good for her.
I'm sorry that you had to talk to Joseph's adoption worker, and that it was as bad as you imagined. :( However, what a terrific "experience" all at the same time (Just the lessons to be learned)...Keep it for your book.
Also, I think Joseph was brought into your life for a few reasons, 1) to be a little bit skeptical and ask questions. He pushed you further into doing that. 2) To meet his foster momma. I know you had your husband call, but you did mention more than once that she was *awesome*! Perhaps you could send her a card or something hoping to keep the lines of communication open. I think it's good for us rookies to have mentors. (I know you're not a real rookie, but still she's been doing it ...pretty much since Jesus was a boy right? ;)
I love the alternate title of this post!!! :-)
I'm elated that you're putting the kids in daycare! We all need breaks... Especially with the amount of little darlings that you care for! I'm feeling so happy for you :) Honestly I think in this game, you've just got to follow your heart, and do what feels best for you and your family.
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