I had made my husband call and tell Joseph's foster mom that we would not be adopting him and made him call the adoption worker too. I just couldn't do it. Well, the adoption worker didn't get the message and called me to ask how our visit went over the weekend (that we didn't have) and I ended up being the one to tell her and yes, it was as bad as I imagined it would be.
She was obviously disappointed, and in a round about way acted as if we should have known that we didn't want to do this and made it clear she wouldn't be calling us for anymore kids. Towards the end of the conversation she got nicer, but everything I was worried she would say she did. I lived through it and thankfully at this point in time I truly am not interested in THEM offering us any other kids either because I DON'T TRUST THEM. That ended up being the whole problem. We should have never even been offered this child let alone led to believe that his issues would "go away". The minute I started digging into everything everything that they had told just were "delays" started to be called "disabilities" and it was obvious things had been very sugar coated to say the least.
Joseph is a wonderful little boy and he does not deserve to be "marketed" like this. Who ever adopts him needs to know everything BEFORE they are one signature away from forever. I know that he will be a JOY to someone, we just are not ready to dive into the "what if's" of a child that we are already struggling to connect with.
Anyway, first I had that phone call, then, as you know, I called to beg Lizzy's social worker to make a plan for her transition. Our agency closes at 5 pm. I got a call at 5:05 pm from her worker telling me she doesn't think a transition is a good idea and she thinks we should just do the move..."unless we are having second thoughts."
I am pretty sure this is where I GOT PLAYED LIKE A FIDDLE. I think that she declined the transition period in hopes that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do that to Lizzy...and she was right. She told me to sleep on it and let her know in the morning. Lizzy was scheduled to be moved at 1:30 pm the next day.
I called my husband and was in the middle of asking him if he thought we should keep her as Lizzy hopped up on me and swung her sneaker covered foot into my face and kicked me in the face. As if her screaming the whole ride home from picking my son up from school wasn't enough to remind me of what I was agreeing to the kick to the face was that extra push I needed...to go ahead and agree to keep my Lizzy until she is returned to her parents.
I love this little out of control, whiny child. I am not sure why (j/k), but I couldn't bring myself to hand her over to strangers and then just leave her, crying I am sure. I couldn't do it. I was in the worst mood ever that day. Sad about Joseph, stressed about Lizzy, overwhelmed by other things that are going on in my life and the only thing that made me feel better was the idea of KEEPING her.
So, as of this morning it is official.
Lizzy is here to stay.
And I am enrolling her in daycare this week.
Alternate Title to this post: "With One Swift Kick to the Face She is Here to Stay"