Back.

The day before we decided not to adopt Joseph I had dropped him off back at his foster mom's house and in turn she had sent home with me a few bags of his Christmas toys because we were all planning on him moving to our home in the near future.

When I put those toys in my car I had every reason to believe they were my son's toys.

Turns out that he was not my son.

Tonight I am gathering up all the toys and tomorrow I will make the drive out to his foster mom's home to give them back.

I am tired of packing up kids.

Today they had a PPC meeting where they talked about where to go from here. They are going to revisit a family that wanted to adopt him, but were told they couldn't because they already had too many kids. They want his adoption worker to ask the state for an exemption if the family is willing to revisit the idea of adopting him.

By this Friday he will be on our state's website for wards of the state that need to be adopted. I will never forget the day I saw our Kellen on that same website. The picture of him was one I took of him in our home. It seemed so wrong to see a child in our home on that website.

That same picture was the first picture his new family saw of him, and is the picture I keep of him in a frame by our front door with pictures of all of our beautiful kids in it.

I just got finished putting all the pictures we had taken of Joseph while he was with us on a CD to put in his file for his future family. As my husband and I talked tonight it is obvious that we made the right decision for us, I just struggle to know if we made the right decision for him.

Ultimately if it was right for us it was right for him, it just makes me sad I guess.