Friday night my hubby and I went out on a date. A date like the kind we used to go on, you know B.K. (Before Kids). Our last date had had to be canceled because it was scheduled for the weekend of our puke-a-palooza and thankfully I had enough sense to cancel the baby sitter when the kids were showing early signs.Anyway, back to Friday. We went out, dinner and a movie - just like when I was 17 and he was 21. We smiled and cuddled while waiting to be seated and laughed at stupid stuff. We sat and ate and didn't tell anyone to "Stop putting your feet on the table" or "Spot eating catsup with a spoon!" or "Eat with your face over your plate" or "Stop taking your sister's bottle"...anyway, it was nice.
As we walked into the movie theater I held onto his bicept and it reminded me of how much I still love him.
We have so much to think about. So much to decide. I hate "deciding" things that I THOUGHT had already been decided. We love our kids, every single one of them.
But, there are decisions that need to be made, issues that need to be address and priorities that need to be re-evaluated. Things have been getting harder and harder and haven't leveled out for a while now and that has been hard.
No matter how hard everything gets we are still the same 17 and 21 year old that fell in love close to 10 years ago. Everything in life is a choice. We just have to step up and make some hard choices.
7 comments:
I'm sure you're trusting God to help you make every decision. Glad you had a good time out. :)
Your only 27? For some reason I thought you were older! You sound so experienced with all this foster care mumbo jumbo, that I guess, I just assumed! LOL I am 27 also and we have our first placements (11, 10, & 7 yr. old brothers and sister group) and it's just down right hard! I read your blog and I pray for you daily, because you have so many little ones. I pray that you and your husband follow God's plans for your future, if you do that it will always be the right choice!
I am finding it really difficult finding ways to effectively punish the kids when they do something wrong. Taking toys away dosen't effect them and time out really doesn't! If anyone has any tips they would be greatly appreciated!
I'm glad you had some time to reconnect. I'll be thinking of you and all the decisions weighing on your mind.
Ginger,
I have a 7-year-old foster child who was absolutely out of control for a while. Same thing you mentioned, taking away toys or putting her in time out did NOTHING.
However, what I finally figured out was that clothing is her "thing." So, when she acts in a way she shouldn't, I tell her that since she is clearly not able to make good choices at the moment, I will take over making choices for her for a while. I then pick out plain jeans and a plain white t-shirt for her to wear to school the next day. The outfit is clean and weather appropriate (jacket included when cold), but it is very, very plain and she HATES that!!! She is very into her looks, so getting to choose her own cute outfit is a HUGE motivator for her. Clearly, that would not be as big of a motivator for some children, but the key is to find what it is that they particularly enjoy and then take that away when they need to be disciplined so that they have a motivation to quit the bad behavior.
Hope that helps!!
I love that you 2 had some time out to reconnect. So very important no matter how many kids you have or how you got them. When they are all gone, it's just gonna be you 2!! I tell our kids that all the time, they just roll their eyes and act grossed out if we kiss and hug each other. You better make time for each other now so you still have something when they are gone.
I will say that I had a child who I thought had autism at one point. She does not, but she does have selective mutism. What exactly leads you to believe that he is autistic? I would definately request testing if you suspect it, possibly the ADOS. There are some great early interventions now through ABA so if he is autistic it needs to be addressed as soon as possible. He is losing valuable time..
thanks for reminding me i need a date night.
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