Monday, October 17, 2011

Ugghh.

I have a curly headed little girl sitting on my lap that had two visits scheduled for today...but both cancelled.

Mom has not seen her in probably two months and had scheduled her first visit back for today, but called me last night to cancel because she hurt her foot and couldn't come.

Legal Dad called and cancelled because he just started taking lithium and doesn't feel good.

Her bio Dad called me today to check on her and talk to her for a minute. He said he would like to come see her, but his car is messed up.

This is what Lizzy life looks like. There is always something that comes before her. Always.

3 comments:

CherubMamma said...

Ah yes. But she's sitting on YOUR lap. And it's quite obvious that you care for her. You are a wonderful constant in her life that is making a difference.

Kelli said...

Yes, sad. So many kids live like that with their bio parents. Thankful for your care of Lizzy

Carol said...

I've been thinking about you and little Lizzy for the last few days. I pray that what I am about to share will not be leading you astray. I have been thinking about Lizzy's upsets after talking to bio dad.

I am going to share a bit of info that we were told by the Early on psychologist. I want to preface this by saying that I am not myself a psychologist. The psychologist told us that the memories in these very little tykes are not well developed. Such as Lizzy being out of bio dad's house for well over a year would not leave her with memories of being in his home specifically.

Visits and contact conflict these little ones. I am thinking that when Lizzy's talks with bio dad and her upset afterwards is not from wanting to be with him, but rather a stirring up of unknown feelings. Maybe even a fear that he will take her from where she is now secure in your home.

I hesitate to give you this my opinion as I do not want to lead you astray (or anyone else for that matter) but I believe that if I were you, I would NOT let Lizzy have direct contact with bio until maybe she is settled into your home and is totally secure there without continual upsetting visits.

My daughter who we adopted from India when she was 16 months old used to be afraid that someone was going to come in our house at night and steal her away from where she was now secure and loved. She used to ask me, for years, every night if the doors were locked when I put her to bed. For years she would get up in the night and come in to my room and touch me to make sure that I was still there.

I think that it is easy for us as adults to put our emotions on these little ones--thinking that they feel as we as adults would feel under their circumstances.

Having been through a year and a half of traumatic visits with one of ours, I can say that he was a much happier little boy. Those visits stopped when he was about 2. Now that he is almost 5, he has talked about those visits. We had siblings placed with us who had the same caseworker that he had. One morning when she came to our house to pick them up, he said, "I used to go with her for visits." We asked him what he did at those visits. All he can remember is going with CW and he said he spent time with her. He has totally blocked the traumatic times with his bio mom.Going with the CW was also very traumatic for him and he would scream and cry and look over her shoulder as she walked away carrying him and plead with his eyes for us to rescue him. It finally got to the point where we would all be in tears and had to turn our backs so he couldn't see our tears, the whole time we knew that there was nothing we could do to rescue him.

I pray that God will lead you to do what is right for Lizzy and that might not be what feels right to us as adults. It could well be very hard for bio dad and I feel very much for him. I feel for bio mom also and the circumstances of her life that made her the broken person she is today. I pray for the bios of our kids and pray that someone else will minister to them and that in an earth made new they can have a healed relationship between bios and their babies. In the meantime, God has laid the responsibility for these babies on us.

God bless you and bring healing to sweet little Lizzy.