Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Her eyes.

When I look into my newest baby's eyes I wonder....

Did her mother have any idea that the moment she handed her baby over to the police it would be the last time she would EVER see her?

Did her heart sink to her feet when she heard the knock at the door that she knew would come eventually?

Did a tiny part of her say goodbye forever as she kissed her on the head?

Everytime I look into this sweet baby's eyes I can't help but wonder how heart broken her first mother is....because I know how heart broken I would be if someone came to the door and demanded that I hand her over to them, forever.

I don't see her first mom as a monster.  I can't.  I have handed over my "daughter" to a social worker (to be returned to her bio mom) and I know what it feels like to wonder if I will EVER see my little girl again.

I know how badly it hurts.

In my heart I hope someday it will be a GOOD idea to contact their bio mom and let her back into their lives.  It is hard to be in a spot where you will never really know if that is the case.  I want that for her though.  I want her to get to see the children she gave birth to again.


Rachael said...

I think these thoughts about M's mom a lot too. She hasn't seen her daughter since last March, so she's missed fourteen of her daughter's seventeen months. She talks to the worker about wanting to visit, but I think she's too scared and doesn't have the internal strength to draw upon to get her through what would be a very difficult encounter.

When I signed up to be a foster parent, I never guessed how much sympathy I'd have for M's mom, who is so young and has had so few chances for success.

StarfishMom said...

Every time I look at Sprout...I think the SAME thing...

Heliotrope Tree House said...

I am not yet a foster mother, but I can relate to your post as my daughter has not seen her bio dad in 8 months, except for bumping into him unexpectedly at a transportation hub. When asked if she wants to see him, she says "no," but it is not like he has reached out to her at all either. He has missed so much of her life. Sometimes, I have to wonder how can anyone live with themselves knowing they created a child who do they not see grow, love, laugh, reach milestones with? How can anyone that has a child and has given up on that child voluntarily or involuntarily deal with that emptiness. I can't even wrap my mind around it.
You are a good woman for contemplating here the way you have. I wish the same for my daughter...that her bio father and his family will someday get well and be in a position to have a healthy relationship with my child.
God bless.

Carol said...

How did mom ever get out of the hospital with baby?

I love your heart for bios.

kim said...

This made me cry

Mama P said...

Ditto, sister. Ditto.