Now, I'm not talking about your beautiful kids. I am taking about the hurt that surrounds them that you never knew you would take on as your own. I'm talking about the endless worry until they were permanently in a home that you knew was safe for them.
As it turns out, I don't scare as easily as I should...and as soon as I was far enough in to know just how scared I should be I had already fallen in love with a little person (or 3) and it was too late to run away.
I think this is exactly what the reason behind most people not fostering. They are scared...maybe a tad selfish too if I am going to go ahead and lay it all out there today.
I had reasons though. Not saintly reasons, but I did want to help a child and I did want to adopt. So, I didn't let the horror stories (which are true) scare me off. I dove in and acted like none of it would happen to us.
Of course we would be one of the ones who would get to adopt our first placement.
Except we weren't.
Of course if one of our kids shouldn't go home they wouldn't.
Except they did.
Of course we would be able to protect our kids.
Except we weren't allowed to.
From what I can tell I just wasn't smart enough to NOT foster. I don't scare easily enough I suppose.
I also would do it all over again. (apparently the smartness never kicked in)
Regardless of all the horribleness the kids are still there. The system isn't just broken, it is evil and backwards. There is not much that I believe more than that. The courts have to purposefully endanger the child all over again just to prove the parent should not parent.
When will we stop giving chances to people who just barely didn't manage to kill their children.
I would love to know.
When will "the system" stop tell good foster homes we are "too attached"? If ever I wanted to punch someone in the face it would be when that comment came out of their mouth.
We were a happy little family of three. There was minimal drama in our lives. No divorce or children from other people...it sure is interesting to see what it is like to share your child with another set of parents. But, we wanted more. We wanted to "save a child" (don't worry, I have come to realize that we are not saviors).
We have gained 3 little people that are either still here or that we are getting to watch grow up.
And regardless of what I should have been scared of, well, I'm glad I wasn't.