Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Big Brother.

With talking about bringing 3 more kids into your family you have to be ready for different responses from different members of the family.

For a few months now, I would say ever since I had the baby, my oldest child has told us on occasion that he is "fine with the amount of kids we have now" - alluding to the fact that he doesn't think we need any more.

This child was an only child for 6 years. And then, we added children in the most volatile way possible, foster care. Kids have come and kids have gone. Them leaving has by far always been the hardest part for my son.

So, when we brought up the idea of adopting THREE more kids my son had his reservations. I GET THAT. I have my own reservations.

But, that doesn't change the fact that these three kids NEED a home.

It doesn't change the fact that we have "wanted" these kids for two years...even when they weren't the first thing on our minds.

It doesn't change the fact that we are a family and we can make this work. I didn't say it would be easy, I said I believe we can make it work.

So, we have talked. And talked. And talked.

Tonight at dinner we ALL said prayers, one at a time, starting with Lizzy of course who LOVES to pray and reminds us often (seriously, God knew we needed that sweet baby for more than one reason).

When it was my son's turn to pray it went something like this:

"Dear God, thank you for our food and our house. Thank you for my mom, and dad, and Lizzy and baby sister. And for the three kids that might be moving to our house. Amen."

Relief washed over me because I need him to be on board with this too.

God is working in us.

Changing us.

Getting us ready.


Stacey said...

So sweet. I love how transparent kids are with God and how what is on their mind comes to the surface.

I'll say a prayer for all of you.

Unknown said...

Hi! I have read your blog for a few months now, but have never commented. My husband and I (and our three children) worked as houseparents at a children's home for six years (serving teenage girls), and we have just recently moved away from the children's home to our own house to begin fostering little ones. Everything is all lined up, we are just wating for that magic phone call! I always tell people I fear two things now, when it comes to fostering little ones after working with the big kids for so long. My first fear is that we will eventually be asked to adopt one of our placements. That scares me, because I know first hand the teenagers some of these kids will grow up to be like. And my second fear is that we will fall in love, yet not get the opportunity to adopt the child that we have fallen for. Both options scare me equally. But doing nothing out of fear is never the right option, so we are plugging forward. Thank you so much for the real words you write here. They are an encouragement to me!

Beck G. said...

okay, okay. I am super behind on your blog, but I skimmed through to catch up. 3 more!? Woohoo!! So exciting! Can't wait to hear how things go!

Deb said...

Precious! Love hearing little ones pray. So glad he's coming around to the idea.

Mama P said...

So sweet! Six (or nearly so - Snuggle will be 6 in October) has been a hard stage for me in terms of foster care and adoption. They really start thinking about things between 5 and 6.

So glad he's praying about it...

Anonymous said...

That is wonderful!

Melissa in Durham

Unknown said...

Wonderful! Sometimes that waiting time we all hate is exactly the time we need to prepare us ALL for the changes coming. God is good. Happy to hear about the change in your son's heart.

Carol said...

God obviously is working on big brother. One of the things foster care/adoption does in our families is it changes who are kids are. They develop compassion beyond their years.

THE MAMA - From someone who has experienced adoption and foster care, one who knows adopting from foster care and the pain of giving up a loved child, one who knows the tears and pain, I understand your concerns. I am now a grandmother and have an adopted baby grown up girl/women. I would not trade her for the world. She has not been pain or trouble. Life is not always smooth, but today she is still single (30 yrs old) and a foster mom to 2 and adoptive mom to 2 out of foster care and has fostered 11. My son and dil have adopted one of them. My daughter fosters and mothers in our home and it is a family experience. It is a blessing to experience these things with Jesus along side of us. He knows the pain, but it is also His command.

Recently I posted the following as my facebook status that I would like to share with you--another mom's thoughts. "If you have ever said to a foster parent, "I couldn't do foster care, cause I couldn't give them up." Or if you are a foster parent who knows the pain like no other pain of giving up a child to be returned to an unknown future in a questionable at best home after you have loved them like your own for months or even years, here is Katie Davis's answer. (Katie is a young girl from an upscale suburb of Nashville who at the age of 18 turned her back on all of her affluence and comfort and moved to Uganda. She has by now, just 5 years later, as a single mom, adopted 13 Ugandan girls. She feeds the hungry by the thousands. She has taken in children and had to let them go) This is what she has to say on the subject in her book, "Kisses from Katie." "Why? .. For Jesus. Because He called me to this and because He gave His life for me. This means that it has been granted to me, it is my privilege, not only to believe in Him but to suffer for Him. (see Philipians 1:29) The suffering is not alone, but with Him, and oh what a privilege it is to be with my sweet Savior. This is what I mean when I say I do it for Jesus. He loved me first and I love Him back. AND SOMETIMES IT HURTS. ... He sees ... He knows ... He is here with us."

May God bless you and strengthen you.

Charlene said...

We're jut starting the foster journey and we have an 8 year old. After 8 years of being an only child we worry about how bringing in 1 or 2 foster kids might affect him. I can't imagine what he'd do if he ended up with 5 siblings. Your son is so brave, and it is so awesome that he has come on board!

Unknown said...

Carol, thank you for the encouragement! I used to dream of adopting as a child, and was so excited when we first became houseparents. It turns out though, that of the 40 girls placed with us over the ears, at least 80%, if not more, were private placements by adoptive parents who had given up or felt like they had no other options but to live away from their children. That definitely impacted my dreams! But you are so right. I loved Katie's book, but had never applied her words to my own story. I, too, feel called to this, and am excited to see how He writes the next chapters of our story!


Unknown said...

I was wondering what your little guy's opinion was of all of this! Thanks for sharing. Praying!

Stephanie said...

This is obviously so encouraging to many. Would you be willing to let us feature this on our site "We Are Grafted In". (www.wearegraftedin.com)
I'm sure many of our readers would be encouraged by this.
I'd just need a picture and a brief bio to use when it is featured so we can direct our readers back to your blog.
Just let me know!
co-administrator of WAGI
smurphy28 AT juno DOT com

CandCFamily said...

Sounds like a great kid. My son was also an only for 6 years before we brought the first one home. He has trooped through it and has only said no more girls allowed.