Monday, November 29, 2010


I find it unfair interesting that God has taken us down SEVERAL paths that are very similar to what the biological parents go through when their children are taken away.

First, unfortunately, I know what it is to have a state worker come to my house and take a child that I have cared for for 16 months of their life and not know when or if I will see them again.

I know what it is to have a child crying for ME and having to hand them over to someone they don't want to go to.

I know what it is to have the state in my business when it isn't their place.

I know what it is like to have a child look at me and want to come home but they can't.

I know what it is like to love a child so much it hurts and not be able to do anything about the situation except wait on the court to make a decision.

I have experience the loss.

I have experienced the hurt.

Thankfully I have not been on their side of it legally - but I have been on their side of it emotionally.  At least the ones who I am giving the benefit of the doubt that they love their children they way I love their children.

I often see this in my life and think about it.  I know that God allowed it so that I would have compassion for these people.  I know HE allowed it because HE knew it would change me.  

And it has changed me.

No, it's not fair-it isn't about fairness at all.  No, this journey is about trust, faith and grace.  For me, for them, for everyone.  None of us deserve it, but yet it is offered to us at every turn in our lives.  I am so glad for this grace because while I am hurting I am learning compassion, while I am crying I am cling to my faith and when I fail at all of these things I am covered in God's grace.

So, while I am dragged I walk this path I get to see all of this and turn into someone who is a lot different that the woman who started this.  I have a feeling I am going to like the woman I am at the end of this better.


Kateri said...

What a great post! If I'm honest, I will admit to you that I'm dragging my feet completing our licensure requirements. And if I'm being really honest, it's because of your heartache, your loss, and your strength. I'm not sure I can handle it. I'm not sure that I'm as "cut out" for this job as I thought I was. And I know that my heart will break time and time again, just like yours. I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough. So I'm dragging my feet. And I'm praying. I'm desperate to hear His voice...for Him to tell me what to do! So your post was very fitting...well-suited to where my head is right now, and where I'm worried about my heart going. THANKS!!!...again :)

FootPrints said...

good thoughts mama...gave me a lot to think always do that to me!

Heather said...

Awesome post. You are right, God's grace is what gets us through it. I would have crumbled into a heap by now if it weren't for him. I love when you point out all the things you have to endure for these kids, and still have a positive outlook at the end.

Diane said...

So well said. Yes, being a good foster parent changes not only the children, but YOU!

Tammy (aka. Mimi) said...

@ Mama - You know I'm right there with you! So blessed to have found you as we started our journeys together... I see the parallels in our experiences as well, and I know that our friendship wasn't an accident. God definitely puts the right people together to help them through their journeys.

@ Kateri - I've had five little ones come and go over the past couple of years, and while you do feel your heart breaking every time, I can promise you that you also feel His healing in ways you never thought possible. Fostering changes you for the better if you allow Him to hold you and heal you through the hurt.

Mary said...

"while I am hurting I am learning compassion" Amen.

Beck said...

Love your blog! Think I have commented a few times, but I am praying for you and your sweet family! I am a foster sister to two little girls and love reading other fostering blogs!

Debbie said...

wonderful post. I think the last line sums it all up, " I have a feeling I am going to like the woman I am at the end of this better."
I pray I'm able to say the same thing.