Friday, November 5, 2010


(Lizzy and my hubby Trick-or-Treating)

After Lizzy's last visit I was sick.

I could do a play by play but I think you guys get the idea.  I have NEVER said anything about it, I just encourage Lizzy to go into the visit to the absolute best of my ability.  This time it was so ridiculous and upsetting, while she was screaming I said (loudly) "This is so wrong!"

Well, the social worker decided to tattle on me to her supervisor which ended up back firing on her because it got me in a room with her supervisor where I told them EVERYTHING she had done including when the judge threatened to hold her in contempt of court for not turning in a report for THE SECOND TIME before the day of the hearing.  In my "meeting" with the supervisor they kept saying "We just want you to know your not in trouble" because I was so upset and said "I think you are thinking we are saying you are a bad foster parent and we are definitely not" and at that point to told them "Oh trust me, I KNOW I am a good foster parent."

They were just addressing basically the lies that the social worker had just told me.  After I talked to them they said they had quite a few things to talk to her about and when I went and got Lizzy from her she (the tattling worker) wouldn't even look me in the face.  I grabbed Lizzy's hand from her and marched out without a word.

I don't know if I am going to be able to do anything to help Lizzy when it comes to they visits...I honestly am scared that the judge may decide that she needs MORE time with him to work through this.  In a way I would understand that decision even though for Lizzy that would just mean more trauma and that needs to be taken into consideration.

I am just sickened by this worker.  She has lied to me, encouraged me NOT to go to hearings, not done her work, has no answers that she should and only follows the rules when it suits her.  When I was on the phone with the DHS worker he said "You should consider having your license transfered here so you don't have to deal with this".


I have only worked through an agency, not directly with DHS - anyone have any thoughts on working with an agency vs. directly with DHS?


mamamargie said...

Good for you for being so firm. I have done both and had good and bad social workers in both. So, in my opinion it's a coin toss.

MamaFoster said...

thank you for that because i think that is the way it goes. i have reasons for wanting to leave and not wanting to leave.

Carrie said...

We are going through DCYF and before we started out, I didn't even realize there was another option. I was disappointed because I thought we had missed a chance to do it a better way. I don't know about the good things that we are missing not going through an agency, but I do know that the licensing process was a lot easier going through the state. There were hardly any stipulations for our house other than room size and smoke detectors and there are no classes or requirements(that I know of) to keep up our license. Sorry Lizzie's visits are so hard. Would they transport for you, or would that be more traumatic for her?

MamaFoster said...

i do think that would be even more traumatic for her BUT they don't offer ANYTHING like that. Even if they kids had visits 3 days a week they don't help at all.

Heather said...

You know we haven't started fostering yet, but we are going directly through DSS (DHS for you I guess?). I will definitely keep you updated on how it goes.

Definitely praying Lizzy's social worker gets her act together!

Glenda said...

We are going through DHS. The first time going through DHS was not enjoyable. We had a hard time getting a long we our caseworker.

This go around we love our casework so far and her supervisor is great.

Going through DHS or agency i think you will always run in to the same problem that is Personality Types and how that will affect your personality.

Carrie said...

Wow, you are required to provide transportation? I drive half way and meet my SW, but they asked me if I would be willing to do that.

MamaFoster said...

Yep, we are required to transport them EVERY WHERE unless it is somewhere I WANT to take her-then they insist they do it. ;)

MamaFoster said...


We had 4 different DHS workers & only one that I could say knew what she was doing-however, that was Macomb county. I will say that before our daughter's case was transfered to the place where we're licensed (you know the place), the very first DHS worker she had in Macomb county was great. She actually would call you back when she said she would. Who does Lizzy have currently for a social worker?

Anonymous said...

I was randomly blog hopping from one friend to someone on her roll to another to another and somehow found you!

My husband and I are just beginning the foster process. I've been asking this exact same question and haven't been getting any answers!

Sounds like it all depends on the caseworker. Is there anyway to meet caseworkers beforehand to see if it's a good fit?

Please email me if you have any advice--we're right at the very beginning of the process and could use any advice you've found.
featherskyfalling at gmail dot com.

jendoop said...

We LOVE our agency!!

I dealt with the county before we were officially foster parents, we did a kinship type emergency placement for 4 children from our church. The county worker didn't return my calls and it was a fiasco. I have a friend who is a supervisor in youth probation so I asked for his help. Only then did I get a return call and it was because she wanted to know who I called and why.

With our agency we get a call back the same day. Every worker we have interacted with has been friendly and understanding. A worker even came to the ER when my little guy bit through his lip. He did all the paperwork for me too!

The biggest problem with an agency that I see is that it creates another layer of hassle - I'm still confused over some issues in my foster son's history because my case worker hasn't gotten that info from the county worker.

Oh, one more huge thing- my agency worker applied for and got a higher payment bracket for us. It had to be done within a certain amount of time after initial placement (10 days?). Being a new foster parent I didn't know that and I didn't know what qualified a child to be bumped to that next bracket. With all the driving I do I'm so grateful for a little extra money to cover gas.

And yes, our agency has helpers monitor visits. They've offered transportation but for my little guy's peace of mind I've turned them down.

Endless Love ~ Amazing Grace said...

We are with DFPS (our county/state here in Texas). My understanding is that being with an agency here pays a little more but you have additional social workers. End result is that ultimately you still deal with the county social workers. Thankfully our FAD worker and the boys caseworker have been very good.