Monday, November 15, 2010


2 Weeks ago, after a round of crap-tastic visits with Lizzy's family I was DONE.

I had it out with her social worker and the supervisors of her social worker.  My favorite part is when I ask them questions and they tell me "I don't know the answer to that" pertaining to rules and things that have to be dealt with all the time.

Anyway, that night I just cried.  I cried because this stuff with Lizzy stinks.  I cried because I miss Sabrina. I cried because everything felt very very heavy.

And then I got a text message that was from Sabrina's mom.  It was a picture message of Sabrina's mom holding her outside.  I honestly didn't know if she was trying to pour salt in my wound or be nice so I replied:

"Looks like you are having fun"

She wrote back "How are you?  We had a blast.  Went to a birthday party."

I wrote "How is it having your girl home?"

She wrote "Awesome.  She's my world!  She talks about you guys a lot"

from here I am only going to write what she sent me.

"She's doing really good and adjusting well.  She has her days though because she misses you guys."

"You are her Aunt Leah.  I thank you for that!  It means a lot to her"

"I'm going to bed before she wakes up.  Not sleeping all night yet.  She usually wakes up around 3 am"

Getting the text messages at this very time was very interesting because Ben and I had just decided to not foster any more.  Literally we had JUST said the words and my phone started beeping.

After we were done chatting I just cried.  When I say that I felt heavy - well, that is the only way I have found to describe it.  That night my body, heart and mind literally hurt.  

Also that very hour I got two emails as well from some friends of mine.

One said this:

"All the kids that come through your home no matter if they stay or move on will probably look back on their life and think of you and Ben as their true parents. Foster parents like you two don't come along that often. You take the time to love each and everyone of your kids."

And the other said:

"Leah, I heard this for the first time tonight in the car & the first verse made me think of you & how you love your kids."

and had this video attached:

I and I thought to myself "How can I quit?"

Right now we aren't really ready for more.  We are ready and willing to deal with Lizzy's situation.  We are ready to move forward getting our Joseph home, and, in a way we are ready for more.  But, for now, I can only deal with today. 

And, I have to say, if you feel compelled to write a note to encourage some one do it, don't hesitate, because they may be hurting as much as I was that night and they may need to see that God is paying attention enough to have someone say something nice to them.

I with out a doubt know that God made Sabrina's mom send me those texts.  I have seen HIM make her tell the truth on occasion even when she had just lied 20 seconds earlier to me.  It made me sad and happy all at the same time to hear from her, but most of all I was relieve to see God still moving in this situation.


Diane said...

Thank you for sharing. It is so good when you get positive feedback after a reunification.

My rule is to wait a month and then tactfully contact the parents, assuming they don't initiate contact first. Then wait another few weeks and contact them again and offer occasional help. Sometimes this results in a visit or even babysitting.

At this time of year, you could offer to bring over a spiral ham for Christmas dinner. Something for the whole family usually gets a good reception. Parents have a different perspective after their child is returned. They can see you really caring, not trying to take their child away. Often this is not possible for them during the out-of-home placement.

Debbie said...

So glad you saw God moving in her messages to you and that you heard and saw how well she's doing for now.

Thank you for the encouragement to speak out when I feel lead to encourage. I know I've been blessed and encouraged many times just when I needed it, I hope at least once I can do the same thing for someone else.

Love that song.

FootPrints said...

god is not a shy man. when he wants to call you and tell you something HE WILL. or he uses friends. i think god doesn't want you to forget your calling. no. wait. HIS CALLING. i'm not sure myself his is what i'd chose. but GOD has chosen me.
so friend, we say - here i am lord. use me.
big giant warm hard HUGS
we are all here for you.

Heather said...

I know we don't *know* each other, but I know you are an amazing foster mom. God is doing so much through you for the precious kids that he entrusts to you for whatever length of time. You are an inspiration to me, the fact that you can still follow an unseen plan because you believe in an awesome God!

ps - I am reposting that video on my blog, it's too good not to share!

Rebekah said...

I know how uncomfortable all this stretching can be. Keep pressing forward, girl. You are a constant encouragement to all of us. We need to be Jesus.

mamamargie said...

I would totally understand if you quit foster care. I have several times. Sometimes it just gets too much. But God is faithful. He gives us rest so we can get our strength back and battle on! Glad to see you're not quite done yet. :)

Crayon said...

I LOVE that song...

but don't give up! If you have to take a break, can you just temporarily close? We can do that here. You just have your name taken off the placement list while you take a "break." If you were to completely close and you change your mind, which sounds like it could very well happen, you'd have to start over with the homestudies and inspections.

I would love to see you stay a foster mom. You've been awesome and an inspiration to me. You are doing your best. But I know you will do what you have to do.

His Hands His Feet Today said...

The state needs more moms like you - please don't quit! I have too many kids for fostering ... we need more YOUS!!!!!