2 Weeks ago, after a round of crap-tastic visits with Lizzy's family I was DONE.
I had it out with her social worker and the supervisors of her social worker. My favorite part is when I ask them questions and they tell me "I don't know the answer to that" pertaining to rules and things that have to be dealt with all the time.
Anyway, that night I just cried. I cried because this stuff with Lizzy stinks. I cried because I miss Sabrina. I cried because everything felt very very heavy.
And then I got a text message that was from Sabrina's mom. It was a picture message of Sabrina's mom holding her outside. I honestly didn't know if she was trying to pour salt in my wound or be nice so I replied:
"Looks like you are having fun"
She wrote back "How are you? We had a blast. Went to a birthday party."
I wrote "How is it having your girl home?"
She wrote "Awesome. She's my world! She talks about you guys a lot"
from here I am only going to write what she sent me.
"She's doing really good and adjusting well. She has her days though because she misses you guys."
"You are her Aunt Leah. I thank you for that! It means a lot to her"
"I'm going to bed before she wakes up. Not sleeping all night yet. She usually wakes up around 3 am"
Getting the text messages at this very time was very interesting because Ben and I had just decided to not foster any more. Literally we had JUST said the words and my phone started beeping.
After we were done chatting I just cried. When I say that I felt heavy - well, that is the only way I have found to describe it. That night my body, heart and mind literally hurt.
Also that very hour I got two emails as well from some friends of mine.
One said this:
"All the kids that come through your home no matter if they stay or move on will probably look back on their life and think of you and Ben as their true parents. Foster parents like you two don't come along that often. You take the time to love each and everyone of your kids."
And the other said:
"Leah, I heard this for the first time tonight in the car & the first verse made me think of you & how you love your kids."
and had this video attached:
I and I thought to myself "How can I quit?"
Right now we aren't really ready for more. We are ready and willing to deal with Lizzy's situation. We are ready to move forward getting our Joseph home, and, in a way we are ready for more. But, for now, I can only deal with today.
And, I have to say, if you feel compelled to write a note to encourage some one do it, don't hesitate, because they may be hurting as much as I was that night and they may need to see that God is paying attention enough to have someone say something nice to them.
I with out a doubt know that God made Sabrina's mom send me those texts. I have seen HIM make her tell the truth on occasion even when she had just lied 20 seconds earlier to me. It made me sad and happy all at the same time to hear from her, but most of all I was relieve to see God still moving in this situation.