Convicted.

James 1:2-8 

Trials and Temptations

 ²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;

⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Life has been anything but easy lately - at least where my girls are concerned.  These little ones have been put through the wringer and so have I because I love them enough to bare these things with them.

That doesn't make me special or a saint, it is just what people do for their kids.

That is the difference though, between me and other people, I am willing to do it for kids that I didn't give birth to, nor am legally obligated to, nor even know it I will have any contact with them a year from now. 

I hated writing all that out.

Anyway, I need to develop a FAITH that can go along with this path I have chosen because, quite frankly, I don't have it.  

I am not happy.  I do not know how anyone is supposed to be happy when their child comes home from a visit and tells them they were molested by their uncle and there is nothing you can do about it.  I have done everything I can do.

*We went to the ER, twice.

*I have documented everything.  

*I have called everyone.

*I have looked and asked for advice from everyone that I can think of.

*I videotaped her telling me all about it and passed it on to everyone.

*I have worked with her counselor to get her to talk about it.

I have done everything.

Her lawyer has told me, "You have done everything you could and should have done".

Her counselor told me, "You have done everything you could possibly do."

But, still, it hasn't been enough to get them to keep her safe.

I just don't know how to be happy while this is going on.  It is a nightmare.  

I read these verses and I would really like to stop at verse 5, but then I read 6, 7 & 8 and think "Wow, how do I do that?  How do I feel that?  How do I believe that?!"

And that is what it has come to, it is probably the exact reason HE called me to foster care.  To build a faith that believes that - regardless of the circumstances.

And what a slap in the face verses 6 -8 were to me because I know that is what I am.