Saturday, October 30, 2010

Loss.

It is completely different then I thought it would be.


Having a child leave after a year and a half leaves a gaping hole in your life.


One that can only be filled by something not of this world.


I was pretty sure if she left I would loose it.


I would curl up in a ball and not be able to function for at least a week.


That didn't happen.


I was scared about so many things.  


I was terrified for the day she would have to leave.


I was scared that I wouldn't be able to trust God anymore.


I was scared that I wouldn't be able to foster anymore.


I was just so so scared.






But none of that has happened.




I am far more convinced and convicted about my life and what I need to do with it.


I am convinced of God's love for me and that I can trust HIM completely.


I am filled with even more conviction that we NEED to foster.


I was so scared, yet the opposite of everything I feared has happened.




It has made me stronger- not weaker.


It has given me faith - not taken it away.


I see the hand of God - not watched it leave me.


It has changed me - not in the way I thought it would.




It hurts.  It's hard.  My arms ache and my eyes swell, but my spirit is strong and steadfast in HIS love for me.

18 comments:

Carrie said...

So happy to hear this. Isn't God amazing?! This gives me hope that I can do this too with God's help.

myhopefulheart said...

This is good to hear. It gives me encouragement to continue on my path. Thanks for your honesty!

Diane said...

Amen.

mamamargie said...

So glad to hear it.

Heather said...

AMEN!

Mrs. Fosta said...

I love your post....we haven't experenced this yet as foster parents, but it's sure to happen soon. Thank you so much.

Faith said...

beautiful! God is awesome!

Andrew and Esther said...

Wow. Thank you for being honest about how you feel. This post made my heart ache for you. I can't imagine how you must feel.

His Hands His Feet Today said...

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness!!!!

Kelli said...

I had a lot of reading to catch up on since the accident that changed our family dynamic once again. This touched me so much because I keep thinking about how my mom's life will be now and I pray I can share this with her someday and she can say what you have said. I know she is thinking some of those same thoughts and just praying God uses this tragedy to change all of us! Thank you so, so much for sharing

Mary said...

Amen and Amen.

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