It is completely different then I thought it would be.
Having a child leave after a year and a half leaves a gaping hole in your life.
One that can only be filled by something not of this world.
I was pretty sure if she left I would loose it.
I would curl up in a ball and not be able to function for at least a week.
That didn't happen.
I was scared about so many things.
I was terrified for the day she would have to leave.
I was scared that I wouldn't be able to trust God anymore.
I was scared that I wouldn't be able to foster anymore.
I was just so so scared.
But none of that has happened.
I am far more convinced and convicted about my life and what I need to do with it.
I am convinced of God's love for me and that I can trust HIM completely.
I am filled with even more conviction that we NEED to foster.
I was so scared, yet the opposite of everything I feared has happened.
It has made me stronger- not weaker.
It has given me faith - not taken it away.
I see the hand of God - not watched it leave me.
It has changed me - not in the way I thought it would.
It hurts. It's hard. My arms ache and my eyes swell, but my spirit is strong and steadfast in HIS love for me.