Low.

Sabrina left today around 3 pm.  Her social worker that I had worked with during the whole case was the one who came to get her.

Even in the end, everything is a complicated mess.  Basically the referee didn't even want to see the court report in which the social workers suggested that Sabrina stay in foster care, she wanted her sent home.

There were no services in place yet so technically she is on an extended vacation at her mom's house until a hearing that is going to be held a week from today to see if the services are put in place.  I asked the social worker "So, what happens if they aren't?" and she said, "That is what I wanted to know!"

Packing her up wasn't that big of a deal, it was just taking her to say goodbye to everyone that was harder.  As I watched the clock tick our day away I just got sadder and sadder.

I had put Sabrina in the social worker's car and her and I stood around talking for a minute.  I forgot her paper work so the worker and I went in to go get it and I came out to see Sabrina back in Ben's arms in the driveway.

 I could tell by the look on his face that Sabrina was upset and he looked at me and said, "She was crying and just said she wants to stay here."  

It just isn't fair, it isn't right that they get no say.  That they are a thing that belongs to someone.  So, as I have done so many times before, I sucked it up and put on my brave face and told her about all the fun she is going to have once she gets to her mom's house and tried to take her mind off of it.

Hard doesn't describe it.  Unbearable is very close to a good word for it but it isn't quite that bad either.

I would do it all over again for her though, when I look back I wouldn't change anything.  I have no regrets, I just struggle to understand this outcome.

These pictures were taken a day or two ago, my two girls playing dress up in all my clean laundry that was on my chair in my bedroom.  This was almost a everyday thing.  What a beautiful mess they always made for me.