My husband is disgusted by their actions. He has every right to be. Bio mom, for example, could come see Lizzy every week if she wanted to, but she doesn't. That is her choice. Based on this, my husband cannot understand why it is then on us to make special allowances for her to see Lizzy at other times if she doesn't even care enough to show up to the other visits.
He is right.
Yesterday when I called him to ask if he would totally be against me letting them see her for her birthday/Christmas he was not at all thrilled with this idea. He has a very hard time making allowances for people who truly make no effort towards this child that he now feels like is HIS child.
He is right.
By the end of the conversation I told him that I needed time to think about if I really wanted to try to get him to agree to this because it is always me asking him to change his stance and that didn't seem fair and maybe I was wrong. At that point he decided to agree to a party at McDonalds for an hour. That seemed more than fair to me.
I only tell this story because I am sure that there are other people in situations like ours that have to deal with this stuff within their marriage as well. It is hard to lobby against your own husband for people who have not earned it. It is hard, as a husband I am sure, to watch people use and abuse your wife and her sympathy for them AND watching those same people not think about their biological child that lives with you as your daughter.
I can tell that my husband and I will never be on exactly the same page, but I think that we do balance each other out in this situation. He is the voice of reason and I am the easily manipulated voice of compassion. I need him and he needs me.