Monday, December 20, 2010

Knowing.



I wish you could see the whole picture, she really is just too beautiful.  (Our new foster baby Tina)


Today was our Lizzy's hearing.  Everything went well, everything stayed the same with the legal dad (Praise God!) and mom now gets once a week unsupervised visits...which the court said she could have her first one on Christmas, IF I was willing to do it, because she can't spend the night.

These crazy people wanted me to meet up with Lizzy's mom to give her to her ON CHRISTMAS day and then 3 HOURS LATER come pick her up.

Friends, that wasn't going to happen.  I told her worker that they had to pick her up at 8 AM if they wanted her and drop her off that evening because that was the only time I was willing to do any of this.  When I talked to her lawyer he said that if I wasn't willing to do it then they couldn't see her on Christmas.  So, the ball was in my court.

If I believed at all she would not be safe I would, of course, have said I wouldn't do it, but there were a few reason I said I would.

1.  Lizzy has a brother, by her biological dad, that she hasn't seen in ages.  When she got taken it turned him into an only child and I have seen several times where he has been very hurt by Lizzy not remembering him or wanting anything to do with him.  He is 10 years old.  When her mom showed Lizzy a picture of this brother she, very excitedly, squealed out MY son's name.  Also, one time my son and their son were both in the waiting room and her mom said "Come say hi to your brother!" and she ran to MY son not theirs.  I don't even refer to him as her brother in a way I ever dreamed she would notice, but that is what happened.

2.  Lizzy's bio dad is a decent guy.  Now, in "my circle" he would be considered very...rough, but he has shown me time and time again that he loves this little girl.  We have a very good relationship and HE WILL BE WITH HER THE WHOLE TIME DURING THIS VISIT.  As an example, he asked me just tonight on the phone if I wanted to keep her for the morning so that we could have Christmas with her too.  That is how I know he loves her.

So, with that being said, I decided that Lizzy needed to be with her bio family for Christmas.  We usually do our little family Christmas (not so little this year!) on Christmas Eve so Lizzy won't miss that.  Plus, we will have Joseph for Christmas and the thought of THREE 2 yr. olds for Christmas....makes my head spin I guess.

This year's Christmas situation ended up so much easier than last year, the fact that I could have said no makes me feel better too.  I am doing the best I can with what I have been given and I just know that Lizzy going there wasn't going to hurt our Christmas but it would mean the WORLD to them.

5 comments:

Kylee said...

I didn't know it was possible, but after reading this post, I have even more respect for you than before! I just love seeing both the bio family and foster family work together to provide a situation that is best for the child. It seems like all too often it can become a small "war" between the two families, which ends of doing nothing but hurt the child!

So glad that Lizzy will be able to be with her bio family for Christmas. For the sake of her brother, I hope she warms up to him and is able to enjoy her day!

Thinking of you lots!

Rebekah said...

You are such a wonderful example of God's grace!! Love you!

Tammy (aka. Mimi) said...

Most of my kids have been very blessed to have bio dads who step up and who are willing to do whatever it takes for their kids. Three of my five so far have been reunited with their fathers (not their mothers) and are doing really well.

The foster care system is extremely flawed, but I've also seen first-hand how it CAN work. I've been very blessed to have good relationships with some of my kids' parents. It's been nearly a year since the Booger Bear went home to his Daddy, and I can honestly say that I am GOOD FRIENDS with his dad and new mom.

I know that it's reassuring for ME to see first-hand the love that most of these parents have for their children. I know that in the cases where my kiddos' parents have been open to establishing some sort of relationship with me during the time their children have been with me, the final outcomes have been much more positive and the transitions much easier on the children.

I'm so glad that Lizzy's dad is really stepping up and showing just how much he loves her. I pray that he is able to get some LEGAL standing as her father as well.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your quickly-growing family!

Rebecca said...

I agree with you that if she is going back to live with her family, then it is good for her to re-establish that relationship with her bio brother. And I'm sure glad to hear that her REAL daddy loves her. I hope he gets legal standing soon!!!

His Hands His Feet Today said...

I am wwwwaaayyyy behind on your life! lol! CONGRATS on your two new little ones!!!!

Praying for Lizzy!

Can't wait to hear more about Joseph!!!