Thursday, December 30, 2010

Acceptance.

I sent out Sabrina's Christmas gifts to her yesterday (late) and I also sent her mom and gma a photo ornament of Sabrina.  I sent them each their own.

Ever since the girls have gotten here, especially Tina, I have been feeling like it is time to let go of Sabrina. I have talked to her mom 3 times and without asking or her saying anything I think it is obvious that she wants Sabrina to forget that "foster care" ever happened.  I understand that.  I think that trying to accomplish that by cutting people she loves completely out of her life is the wrong way to do it, but at the same time, I see adoptive families doing this as well to help their kids "attach" and what makes her wrong and them right?  I honestly think that acting as if it never happened or these people never existed is ridiculous and in the long run (and short term) will only be confusing and emotionally hurtful to the kids.  That is just my opinion.  Plus, in order to have a relationship with Sabrina I would have to really build a relationship with her mom, which would be fine if I didn't know that all she would do would be use me to get whatever she could from me.

Ever since these girls walked into our house I have obviously been very busy, that busy-ness has made me realize that there isn't going to be a lot of time in my life to play games and kiss feet in order to be used so that I can perhaps see Sabrina - apparently I don't even have time to get her Christmas gifts to the post office on time.  I feel ready to move on and let go.  Not that I have much choice, but I do think there is some choice involved.  As soon as I felt the tug that it was time there was part of me that said "Not yet, I need to hold on to this just a little longer..." but, I don't need to.

If her mom calls I will pick up the phone, and if she doesn't we will all live our lives.  Life moves on regardless if we are ready for it or not.  If you would have told me that last Christmas that neither one of our foster kids would still be with us THIS Christmas I would have been heart broken, but if you would have added in that we would have FOUR new beautiful little faces to celebrate with I would have been thrilled.  I will always miss my kids who leave, and I will always look forward to my babies that haven't made it to our home yet.  Seeing God take them away and give us back double what He took...well, if that doesn't show you the goodness of God I don't know what will.

9 comments:

Julie said...

Heavenly Father really is good to us... sometimes we just don't understand why things are happening. My heart is with you as you let go and move on to loving more little ones... You are one busy Momma!

Diane said...

You are SO becoming the experienced foster mom, way faster that I did! Love your insight and your ability to express it for all. I'm glad you had a great Christmas!

PotterMama said...

I can understand the mom not wanting Sabrina to "know" about her being in Foster care. That's kind of a hard situation. :/ Praying for you and all the sweet children in your care!

FootPrints said...

god is always working in us huh? he's working in you...in your heart. sabrina will never forget your love.

His Hands His Feet Today said...

God's peace and healing balm is amazing isn't?! Thank you Jesus!

MamaFoster said...

@pottermama I understand too.

but, when the child is old enough that she/he will remember these people it is different than if they are too little to remember. as she gets older it would be confusing to remember things that the grown ups around you act like never happened. that is what concerns me.

Tammy said...

Thank you for sharing part of your life with us. I am glad you are healing. I can not wait to see how God uses you and your family in 2011.

Jen said...

its hard to move on.. but God is God and always gives us what we need!! xoxo

jendoop said...

It's a difficult situation. It sounds as though you're making an emotionally healthy choice to let the pain go. Not that a child can ever be replaced, but I'm glad your home is full- it makes letting go a little easier when you have little bodies to hug.

It is amazing how God can comfort us and help us move forward to do his good work!