"I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't give them back."
I hear that VERY often when I tell anyone I am a foster parent.
It is like, by saying that, they are excusing themselves from the feelings that they feel when they find out someone else stepped up and did this sucky foster care thing and they didn't.
Obviously, fostering is not for everyone or right for everyone...
BUT to all you people that say this to me, with out any honest good reason,
(like you have already lost a child, have been there and done it with a relative placement, are having issues with fertility, ect.)
I just have to say...Shut up.
You have no idea who you are talking to, what I have been through or what you are even saying.
Do you think I felt like I could give my first daughter back to her mom without dealing with the grief of it every day for the rest of my life?
I can't do it either. I just do because it is either do it or go to jail basically.
What you don't understand is that I knew the risk and decided that my kids would be worth it. Period.
And they have been. Every single one of them.
What you don't realize is that by me deciding to take care of these kids and love them like my own even though in the end I am the one that looses them I am taking every bit of pain off of them that I can and even then they still go through more than any child should. Ever.
That is what I have to offer them. I keep them safe. I stand up for them (even though I am ignored on a regular basis). I feed them. I play with them. I make them smile. I kiss their boo boos. I put them in their comfy beds. AND IT IS MY HONOR TO DO IT.
And what do you offer? Nothing. You offer an off hand comment that excuses you from any of this, including helping any of them, because you would "love them to much to let them go"? And for the record, that makes us feel like you are saying we are so cold and heartless that we can actually even do this in the first place.
So, "you love them so much" from afar while they end up in crappy foster homes who only do it for the money.
Way to show your love.
If you can't foster, don't.
But, if you are the "We couldn't let them go" people...consider helping someone who HAS put themselves right where you DON'T want to be.
Pay special attention to the kids when you see them.
Babysit for the family.
Offer to pray AND REALLY DO IT!
Bring a meal when the family gets a new placement.
Help with the kids when you see foster mom has her hands full.
I would say for every comment I get like that I also have one person in my life that doesn't foster, but truly loves my kids and blesses me like crazy. I don't think everyone should foster and I don't think ANYONE should foster out of guilt, but quit making excuses for yourself and just do what God called YOU to do...and stop talking to me about why you couldn't possible do what I do...'cuz it makes me want to tell you to "shut up".