Reason literally One Million why I regret letting her get her hands on my phone number. (I also have about 200 reason why I am glad I have hers, but still...)
So, I told her "The social worker told me that she told you that they wanted to change the goal."
Mom: "Yeah, but they never said anything about adoption."
Me: "Well, when they change the goal to termination that means she would be adopted by someone."
Mom finally gets it. There was crying and talk of how "I did everything they asked me to" and talk of "I only want you to adopt her."
She also said, "I want what is best for her, I don't want her to have the kind of life I had...I can't give it to her right now..."
Eventually she got sick of talking about it and got off the phone. I started crying. I was crying for the little girl that Lizzy's mom used to be. I was crying for all the time she herself spent in foster care. I was crying for the things she never had and the things, like how to be a self-sacrificing mama, that she never was shown. I cried for a mama that was not going to be allowed to raise the baby that she carried for 9 months. I cried for a woman that I hoped would not look at this as God giving them the short end of the stick...again.
I cried and did laundry. By now Lizzy was following me around saying "You alwight mom?" in her two year old way. I picked her up and snuggled her, probably not for me...more for her mom who couldn't I guess. I looked into those brown eyes that can only be passed down by someone who isn't me and told her I loved her...and then let her follow me around the house some more.
Lizzy's mom is not capable of making good parental decisions. She tends to take a wrecking ball to her own life and those who are close to it every few months. She just wants to be loved, I can see it, but she doesn't know what it looks like, feels like, or how to give it back. She never had a chance to learn it. It isn't fair. I know "we all grow up and make our own choices", but I would not be too shocked to find out that if I was handed the same lot in life that I wouldn't have turned out much different than she has.