I have some questions for you. But, I will start with a bit of an explanation. I WANT to want to adopt Lizzy. She has been in our home for a year, we have made progress with her (some of which I know has gone backwards at times because of visits with bio dad, bio mom & legal dad), but the less she sees them the better she does. She is in general just a HARD child. I don't expect her to listen all the time...she is two years old for goodness sake...but the whining and crying...oh the whining and crying. It actually is getting better, but it is still a huge issue. Also, I have noticed how stinking rough she is with babies and I don't plan on her being the youngest. She seems to want to "tweak" them just a little to hard regardless of it being their foot or hand or whatever. Last night at the pool she tried to "help" an under one year old baby to stand up after I told her not to and made him fall over on the cement and bonk his head before I could get to her.
She has to be therapeutically parented to not be just out of her mind and I am sure as she gets older some of these things will just get more "complicated", but I am sure some will go away as well. I love Lizzy, I love her enough to not just let her get bounced around from home to home...I have given her a year of my life that I am glad I have been able to give...but it hasn't been easy.
What I am asking is:
How did you know that you were meant to parent the kids you adopted?
How did you make the decision to make yourself legally responsible for a child that had a family history of mental illness (if that applies to you)?
How do you factor in the family mental health into your decision to adopt?
Did you just always love you child and never wanted them to leave?
At the end of the day, I love her, but I get very frustrated with her...every single day. Not a day goes by that want to keep her...and then 2 minutes later she does something that makes me want to scream. It makes me feel nuts, like I am not patient enough or something. The one thing that has happened that has validated that it isn't just me is that the foster mom that watched the girls while we went on vacation had the same issues with her. She said that she thinks that Lizzy is moderately cognitively delayed (that means basically that she is at least mildly mentally retarded) and this is coming from a foster mom who adopted children that you can SEE have mental issues. She said that Lizzy reminds her of the one she adopted that has the MOST issues. My sister and I both wonder if Lizzy just shut down for that week so it made her look worse than she is because I wouldn't say she is mentally retarded...I think it is just whatever skills most people have that help them build social relatioships...she doesn't have. Neither does her mom by the way. Anyway, I would love to hear some advice from moms who have adopted and even if you want to weigh in on what you would do if you were me...feel free :)