Thursday, February 14, 2013

This is not fair.

Yesterday I showed my newest 4 year old daughter a pic of her bio dad who she hasn't seen in around 9 months.

She happily exclaimed "Daddy!"

She has never really talked about him and I was curious if she remembered him.

Well, that was yesterday.

Today she did whatever she wanted (which didnt include listening to anything i had to say) lied and peed her pants.


So, after the peeing and lying I sat down with this little person while she was crying because she was on her way to bed for lying.

I asked her if she had been thinking abou him.  She said yes.  I asked, "what have you been thinking about him?"  She said, "I want to go to his house."  The long and short of it was that she misses him and would basically like to have a play date with him.

It is no fun to tell a 4 yr old the "home" she remembers doesn't exist anymore.  He doesn't live there, he doesn't have a house and he is not interested in being a dad right now.

I always tell her that they love her even if they chose not to do what they needed to to get the kids back.

The only thing I have come up with is offering to pray with the kids every night for their bio parents, by name.

This makes them feel better and they seem happy with it.

As we prayed tonight the tears went away and I think tomorrow will be better.

It is hard to know what these kids needs.  They remember so many things that I have no idea about.  I didn't do everything perfectly, but we are working on it as a family.


Diane said...

So sad. Just confirms that children love their parents, no matter what their parents do.

Foster Mommy NY said...

Yes this is when it is so sad to try and tell a child they are loved yet not shown it from their bios. We can just try and help them talk about it and heal! Thanks for sharing. :-)

Deb said...

I think you handled it the best way you could. Praying with them and when they are ready to voice their prayers as well can be such a healing thing for them I think.
So glad they have a mom who is sensitive to knowing that they need to be allowed to talk and think about their bio family.

FootPrints said... sorry you both had a hard day!
there is no right or perfect way to answer them or help them. we just do our best!
everyday i'm still making things up as i go.
love to you friend