Oh my goodness, I am dealing with this with our adopted daughter and our oldest foster daughter. Unfortunately, it's more of a "knowing" than wondering.
I do that with Summer as well. It doesn't help that she has her big brother to be compared to who is on the super-fast side of things (and so am I). And it runs in her birth parents' family so there is that...
Have you had her evaluated by the IU? When our soon-to-be adopted son came to us we thought he might have mild MR but he doesn't. He's very bright. He has a NOS learning disability. We think it's auditory processing disorder but, unfortunately, they won't test him for that until he's at least 7 and he's currently only 5 yo. Sometimes when you give him directions, he just stares at you because he's really trying to process what you've said. It can be very deceiving. A friend with dyslexia heard my description of auditory processing disorder and she said, "It sounds like my dyslexia but with the ears instead of the eyes." That was a really good observation! If he didn't live with us and we didn't REALLY know him, we would have pegged him as MR.
Hard to tell! My very bright adopted daughter will act "helpless" and pretend not to know things when she does. She also stares and "pretends" not to hear me. It is all a quiet rebellion. Usually mom's intuition is right, so follow your instincts.
If she were tested and you knew for sure what would change? What would not change. Could she get assistance in learning or could you parents get advise on how best to help her? Can she be evaluated? At what cost...and at what cost if help is delayed?For me knowledge is power, understanding why you get certain responses can help how you deal with things. I think it must be a huge change to go from being in her position in your family 6 months ago to where she is now. BIG changes for everyone. You sound like a super great mom. Good luck.
We constantly wonder that about T, but then at times when he is made to stand in a corner until he either "remembers" the answer he was pretending to not know, or decides to do what he was asked to do that he claims he could not, he magically is able and capable and once again intelligent. I think if anything, he has incredibly poor social skills that he may not ever recover from since he is already at 6. Given her history, it is entirely possible that she is "slow," but that is something I suppose time will tell all...
Even if she it, she's in the best place she could be- with a mama that will ensure she gets all the help she needs and raises her to her full potential.
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