The first time was last month at her 5th birthday party. It was so great! Her great aunt took over and planned her party and it was exactly the type of birthday party that we all throw our kids. I was so excited to see her have a normal birthday party. I also found out that they have some new friends in their trailer park that have been taking them to church every Sunday. That is a BIG deal. This family is NOT the church type and Sabrina's mom is excited about all of this.
I almost cried when I found out all of this. Seeing God take care of my little girl when I am not there to is more amazing than I thought it would be.
At the party we were treated like honored guests. I was introduced to everyone and everyone was very nice. The great aunt told me that she is so happy we are still in Sabrina's life. It was a good day.
Then, last week we got together "just because". We went and picked up Sabrina and her mom and headed towards the mall out by their house. In the same parking lot as the mall was a Chuck E Cheese which Lizzy saw and started getting all excited about so we went there.
We had tons of fun. Sabrina's mom, why still a bit odd, is able to hold such a better conversation than she used to and she is trying to be a good mom. She still does not parent like I do, but no one parents the same way.
After Chuck E Cheese we went over to the mall to play at the play area. As the kids are playing Sabrina's mom started asking me a few questions about foster care. Then she asked me if I had to write reports about the kids. I told her, no, not really. Financial stuff a bit, but other than that I don't really write reports about the kids.
I had no idea what she was getting at.
She then asked me if I wrote all the reports about the sexual abuse Sabrina had told me was going on in their home during the weekend over night visits that she had while she was living with us.
CRAP. Yes, I did write those. But, I lied and said that I didn't know what she was talking about.
I had no idea what to say.
She recently ran across all the old court papers and that is what brought all of this up. Her lawyer had handed her the paper I typed up that listed every thing Sabrina had told me.
I still have video of her telling me these horrible stories that no 3 year old could have just dreamed up and then started spouting off.
This is what has made this whole situation so hard. The person who she said was sexually abusing her still lives in the house. I saw him for the first time at her birthday party.
Anyway, I just told Sabrina's mom that I didn't know what she was talking about.
Seriously, I know it is wrong to lie, and I would have liked to just tell her the truth, but a mall with all of our kids around didn't seem like the place to do that. (excuses, excuses)
Then I get the pleasure of listening to her tell me how none of that had ever happened...blah blah blah. It was all I could do to not freak out and start screaming at her.
At the end of the day everything was fine and we are still fine. Because I lied. I wish I wouldn't have.
I don't know what I should have done.
7 comments:
It is so hard to know what to do in these situations. With my first foster placement, I reported all of my concerns...ones similar to yours. After the sisters were returned to their family, we stayed in touch for a couple of months. During that time, the oldest child (10 years) continued to tell me things that were concerning. I knew if I reported those concerns, the family would figure out the reports came from me and cut me off. However, I checked with my agency and they said I, like every other citizen, has the duty to report suspicions of abuse or neglect, so I did. It took a couple of weeks for that report to be investigated, and I knew the day it happened, because that was the day the 10-year-old stopped calling. I called a couple of times pretending I knew nothing about this, just to "check on the girls" but my phone calls were not answered and never returned.
I have forever wondered if I made the right decision, because the girls were NOT removed from the abusive situation because of my report, but because of my report, they were cut off from the one safe person in their life--ME.
Which is worse? I still don't know...
I have no words for this post. It breaks my heart.
I just wanted to say hi and that I'll pray for you, your family, Sabrina and her family. I pray she finds a safe person to turn to if the abuse is still ongoing.
I can understand why you did what you did!!
I hate that rather than protect their children from abuse so many parents would rather call them liars. 3 year olds DO NOT lie about these things. I don't think I could have been honest either. At least not without an easy escape option. Maybe sometime you can tell her the truth. That you did report and that you do believe Sabrina and that you will pray God shows her the truth for herself because Sabrina's Mom is her only protector now. If God wants you to say these thing it will probably come up again.
Im with Cherubmamma...I have no idea what I'd have done either, and I am sorry that you were even in that position. :(
I guess given the fact that no one cares about those reports that had been made, and the fact that your "fine" relationship with her right now is for the benefit of Sabrina, then lying at the moment was the most logical thing. Maybe not the RIGHT thing, but the logical thing.
Who knows. It is what it is, and it's done.
*sigh*
Isn't the information about who did the reporting supposed to be confidential...as in the agency should NEVER have given her any report with your name on it?
@pam, yes. someone told me that her attorney gave it to her in court. i don't know what the truth really is.
Glad you still get to see Sabrina and that her mom is doing better. Unfortunately some of these parents are not fully rational. What's done is done. There is not a good solution. As long as her mom is in denial, anything else you would have said would not have been listened to anyway. Pleading ignorance or inability to remember is sometimes the only way out, even if you need to answer to Him for it afterwards. Our world is not perfect, and until it is, in certain (rare) situations telling the truth causes more damage than not. It's ugly!
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