To this day, well over a year since she was returned to her bio mother, I am still glad that I loved her like she was mime while she lived here. Every child deserves that, no matter how crushed WE are once everything is said and done.
By the time Lizzy got to my house I was jaded and fully expected her to leave, no matter what. She came as Sabrina's case was coming to a close and Lizzy, I am sure, is what got me through those first months of loosing my first daughter who wasn't meant to be mine.
The unfortunate thing is that all during Lizzy's case I was prepared for her to leave. I was ready to have my heart tromped on again and put up many emotional walls in preparation for my second daughter to leave.
I wish I could have that time back. I wish I had known she was mine for the minute I laid my eyes on her. In a way I think I always did know, but was so terrified of loving and loosing THAT much all over again that I told myself she would be leaving and I might as well be on board with that.
She almost did leave, several times. But, God had different plans.
Yesterday I receive her new birth certificate in the mail. One that says I am her mother, only me. Nothing about "the other people".
On that paper it looks like I birthed her.
(This is only a partial post, I might finish it later)