Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I don't know.

What was I like when I was a newborn, Mom? Did I cry a lot?

I know when you were 18 months old you cried a lot. I don't know if you cried a lot when you were a little baby.

Where did my favorite blanket come from, Mom? I can tell someone made it. Who made it Mom?

I don't know Honey.

What did my first birthday cake look like Mom? Did I smash it into my mouth or did I not want to touch it?

I don't know, Lizzy.

What kind of paci did I like as a baby Mom?

I don't know.

Did I take a paci?

I don't know, honey.

Mom, when I was little, like a little baby, did I cry a lot or as I a happy baby?

I don't know, baby, I don't know.

What was it like outside on the day I was born, Mom? Was it raining?

I have no idea honey.

What did I wear when I came home from the hospital mom? Do you have it like you have my brother's and sister's outfits that they came home in?

No, honey, I don't have it. I don't know what you wore home from the hospital.

Oh, how I wish that that I knew all these answers and would have them for her when she is old enough to ask them.


StarfishMom said...

You might have had those 1st 18 months but you'll have forever to make up for it <3

Sophie said...

Heartbreaking. I completely understand.

kate said...

I know. And when she makes things up, do you let her keep them as her reality or tell her she's making them up?

I go with "Really? Wow."

I also add lots of, "Oh, I wish I knew you when you were a little baby. You must have been so beautiful/clever/funny/wonderful because look how beautiful/clever/funny/wonderful you are now!" And we speculate together, because that's all we can do.

And I tell her how much I wish I could have been there to hold her and feed her and love her.

It makes me sad. It makes my heart hurt.

the johnson crew said...

i kept all the clothes my kids came in... "gotcha day clothes."

my kids ask me a lot of questions about when they were a baby. i just tell them things that i do know. i tell them lots of stories about when they were "little". even marco and antonio like to hear these stories and they were 7 & 8 when i got them. They do tell me all the time that they just wish they could see one of their baby pictures. - It does make me sad too, especially coming from a 18 year old.

Cindy said...

That is sad. I wish you had those things too. I can't imagine not having my and my husband's baby pictures to compare to our son at various ages. Just one of those things you take for granted, thinking everyone has. :(

Anonymous said...

That is sad. The only one you might be able to help with is the weather one, if you know her date and location of birth. the national weather service and have historical weather data.

Anonymous said...

I have these same thoughts. Even now, he will ask about when he was a baby... And we just have to remind him that we didn't know him until he was two.

Heather Evans said...

:( I wish you did too.