I hate typing that.
But, I do not believe she has RAD...at least not to the degree that I am super concerned about it. I had a foster son that I believe with every fiber of my being has RAD...the kind that scares me. We did not adopt him because of this.
Lizzy is an interesting case. As much as her bio dad annoys me sometimes, she did bond with him thus, I believe, saving her from a much worse case of RAD. Had her only care come from her bio mom she would have had RAD even if she had stayed with her mom for her entire life because her mom is in capable of caring for a child, nurturing a child, or making much of a connection with any human being at all. Lizzy, in fact, was/is in love with her bio dad. She is moving on from this and it is quite obvious that she is transferring that to my husband.
I am extremely glad about this.
I, on the other hand, am reaping the benefits of her mother's actions. I am who she directs her RAD behavior at. I believe she wants to love me. I believe she was me to love her...but all she knows when it comes to a mom is disfunction. When I first got her she acted as if her bio mom didn't exist when they were in the same room. She really liked my hubby and acted like I was nobody for a while.
It is obvious that Lizzy is attached to me. It is just our interaction that is still dysfunctional. I think that I also have let some of my actions mirror hers and it is getting us no where and making me hate how I act towards her some days.
This evening I was holding my newest baby who I had just wrapped up in a blanket because she was crying. She has a hard time in the evening, so I try everything under the sun to comfort her. This evening, as it stormed outside, I stood in front of our large picture window and swayed with her while patting her back a certain way. She eventually closed her eyes. As I looked at her I thought to myself "That is what a mom does. She keeps trying until she finds what her child needs, what works for that child."
Often when I am holding Baby K my mind wonders to how I am parenting Lizzy. I want what I have with baby K with Lizzy. And I am not going to give up until I get it.