Monday, May 7, 2012

Gone.

Lizzy's bio grandma died. The viewing and funeral service were held about 4 minutes from my house.

Bio mom called and left this message:

"my mom passed on the 3rd. We are only having a one day viewing today at ***** Funeral Home and we are having a dinner tomorrow some time, I don't know when though. If you can pick up a paper and clip out the obit for Lizzy. Call me back."


She had called from her aunt's phone number that I have programmed into my phone. When I saw it I didn't pick up.


My first instinct was to take Lizzy up to the funeral home.

My husband's response was "you are nuts, Lizzy is not going up there."


I'm glad she has one saine parent.


Technically, Lizzy is still not allowed to have any contact with her bio mom or legal dad...so legally I should not have even thought about taking her over there. Also, when you think about the tail spin in could have sent Lizzy into seeing her bio mom for the first time in months....well, I doubt it would have been a good idea for her emotionally.


In the obit, which I read online - I didn't run out and buy a paper, Lizzy was listed as one of the surviving grandchildren along with her brother that bio mom has not seen in 8 years.

Seeing her name in that paper still irks me....but it is also the truth. She is the granddaughter of this lady.

I am still constantly surprised how children can be adopted by other people and gone for years and some people act as if they are still in their lives when they are not at all. It is sad. I wish that Lizzy's mom was not mentally ill. I wish she could have been a good mom to the babies she made. I wish kids didn't need to be adopted. I wish kids didn't have to have a bio family and an adoptive family.




Most of all I hope Lizzy grows up knowing how much she is loved and wanted and perfectly placed into our family just as much as our other kids are.

5 comments:

Glorified Babysitter said...

Lizzy most certainly looks like the rest of your family :), I definitely feel like she'll always know she's meant to be a part of your family.

It would irk me too for her to be listed as a survivor, however, had she left her off, then I'd probably be irked too that she didn't acknowledge that she had a daughter...no win situation :(

the johnson crew said...

haven't you and i had this conversation about my kids bio mom? posting photos all over her fb as if they still lived with her etc... it is really sad.

Anonymous said...

It is sad when our kid's bio family members pass away - we feel sad for our kids - the loss of what they could have or should have had with bio family.

We had a similar situation when our adopted daughter's bio dad died. The bio mom mentioned both of our kids on the online tribute and in the picture - slide show. Weird because one of our kids is not even a bio relation to the man who passed away! Strange because one child, who was related, was removed from the home at birth and never lived with her bio dad or bio mom (not married to each other). At the time, we were technically still foster(on the track to adopt) TPR had happened already. We still couldn't post pics on facebook, etc., but the bios, who the kids didn't live with and never would ... were claiming our kids as "theirs." We couldn't do anything about it, so we just let it go. I did keep the obit so when our child is old enough to ask questions, we have something.

Pipsylou said...

I still can't wrap my head around it!

Karen said...

One time when picking Piglet up from a visit at an Early Years play center, a woman came up to Piglet's parents and exclaimed to them "She must be your first! The way you two dote all over her!" Piglet's mom was like, "No, she's actually my third! But my first girl! I have two boys." My mom and I were just standing there and I felt like saying to this woman, "Hi, I'm the baby's foster sister. This is my mom- the baby's foster mom. This woman doesn't HAVE two boys, she HAD two boys who she had taken away and put up for adoption. They dote all over her because they only have her for these two hours a week!" Of course I didn't say anything (until Mom and Piglet and I were in the van on the way home). She made it seem like the boys were at home with a baby-sitter!