Friday, February 24, 2012


Since becoming a foster parent I have started noticing things that, seem to me, to be " foster kid" stuff. But, in all fairness, I don't want to lable these things as such until I see if this is a trend.

For example, to make a long story short, Lizzy was in her room playing and wasn't allowed to watch her favorite show because she had screamed at me about it the day before. When she came out of her room I found that she had pooped her pants...which she hasn't done in weeks.

I personally think she did it because she was mad at me.

Later that day, I made her sit on the potty for a little while because she peed in her diaper. She in turn sat there and blew a bunch of snot out of her nose on to her top lip...and left it there. This from the kid who loves to wipe her nose and had tissue right next to her. When I asked her why she did that she said " because I have to sit on the potty".

I personally think she did it because she was mad at me...which she pretty much said it was.

Them today, my husband told her to go to her room because she did something wrong and when I got her out I saw that she had picked her nose so much it was bleeding.

I am sure you can guess what I think about this.

I also have noticed this weird stuff with my other foster kids. Peeing their pants out of no where? Throwing things into my light fixtures. Vomiting for no reason. Ruining things. Ect.

The reason I find all of this interesting is because my bio son never did stuff like that. He would Cry or throw fits, but never the stuff these kids think up to do.

So, I am any of you have bio kids that do things like this ?


Anonymous said...

Have TOTALLY known biokids without other issues to use bodily functions to display anger at their parent, esp when it gets a rise out of the authority person. It is an act of control that is theirs not yours. This can be potty or food or sleep or nose picking ... think of it as NAH NAH NAH You are Not the boss of me. Avoid letting your upset show and think of 'natural' consequences calmly. Then go into your car, alone, and SCREAM!!!!

aka. Mimi said...

Booger went through a spell when he first turned 3 years old where he would get mad at his mom and deliberately pee on things. At first, we wondered the same thing about it being because of his crazy early couple of years, but when my best friends' 3-year-olds started doing the exact same thing (one of them POOPING on the floor every time HE got mad), we started researching and realized that's just a normal control thing. I think all kids are different. The stronger-willed (aka. more stubborn) ones probably have a bigger tendency to act out like that, and Lizzy seems rather strong-willed (understatement of the century ;-). Just hang in there. We all wanted to strangle the boys when they went through that stage, but it only last about 6 weeks before they got past it.

Cherub Mamma said...

Christine (Welcome to my brain) has an entire song she wrote on YouTube dedicated to Pee. It seems to be a control thing that is quite often exhibited by children with a trauma history. She calls them "trauma behaviors".

No, none of my bio kids have used bodily fluids to express their fear and anger. But I've certainly heard of foster and adoptive kids doing it quite regularly.

It's kind of like all the Mr. Wonky stuff at my house. No one I know IRL has kids that act like my Cherub 2 does. But his tripping, falling, physical response to dysregulation is totally something I've read about on blogs that deal with adoption/attachment.

Trauma (even prenatal trauma) changes the brain. It changes how kids think. It literally changes their brain chemistry. And even though neuro-typical kids may do the same is different coming from a kid with a trauma background.

Have you read the book The Connected Child? I HIGHLY recommend it!!! Talks a lot about "these" behaviors, why they exist, and how to better cope with them.

Denver Laura said...

Maybe in the past Lizzy did cry and tantrum but it didn't get her anywhere so she escelated to bodily fluids?

I don't have bio kids so I can't relate to that part but I know there are some deep seeded things my kids do because of previous trauma.

Aspiring Foster Mama said...

My bio daughter used to do things like that when she was mad at me. Luckily, it has stopped. When she was 3 years old and had been potty trained for a year, she pooped in a toy shopping cart during naptime and then proceeded to "play" with it, depositing it in all sorts of places in her room. Anything with a lid had poop in it. It was not fun. She is still a very high maintenance child.

Jennifer said...

From our experience, any behavior that your foster kids have, you can find someone that will say, "oh my bio kid does that, its normal". In my opinion, the difference between foster kids and bio kids is the intensity of the behavior. For example (and this is just made up) maybe a bio kid would poop in their pants when mad. Foster kid would poop in pants when mad, and then sit in it for hours and not tell you until they have a rash on their bottom. It is like they take it to the point where it is painful to themselves.

Mandy said...

Liv (My bio 5 year old) was/is strong-willed. However, I can say beyond a shadow of doubt that these boys are very different from Liv. It is like Jennifer said, it is the intensity of the behavior and the motivations behind it. My bio daughter seemed more like, "What will they do if I act like this?" Whereas, my foster boys seem like, "I don't care what they do I am going to act like this." A little different I guess.

acceptance with joy said...


They are 8 years old and we still deal with poop and pee and snot and vomiting....


Their favorite way to say, mom, I am mad at you and you are going to pay.

I try to not let it show that I hate it.

haha. I'm not very good at it.

Mama in Uganda said...

Yep, we play those "games," too. But thankfully, only with one out of the eleven.

Unknown said...

my foster daughter (8) was told to sit on her bed until she calmed down (she was having a meltdown because she got sent to her room when I saw her horse-kick my 4 yr. old for accidently stepping on her toe) and whenever I left the room to let her cry it out she would kick and throw things and when I came back in she had sat on the floor and peed. just sat down and peed, pants still on and everything. Then she continued to have a meltdown so I couldn't get her wet clothes off of her and give her a bath for like 15minutes and the longer it was taking to get her changed the more she was freaking out because the urine soaked pants were causing her legs to itch. oy. It's like, you can't just act like this is acceptable behavior, but how do you even discipline something like this? Once she's calm I know she's not proud of what she did... So many situations I'm just left dumbfounded over.