Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I made him mad.

Today Lizzy's bio Dad texted me asking if she could talk to him.  I decided to be honest and tell him that we had decided that that was not a good idea for her.

Enjoy the drama:

Him:  Hi .how is "lizzy"

Me:  She's fine.  Playing out in the snow with one of her sisters.

Him:  Oh u said u had more pics.     Think she can call

*insert pic I ran out in the snow to snap of her to send him so he can see her playing in the snow that I sent before I got his text asking about pics*

Him:  lol

Him:  Awwww I miss her

Me:  (in response to "can she call") No, she never asks to and I think it bums her out and I am done making her sad for other people's sake.  When she is older if she wants to I will let her call but rite now it feels like I am pushing it on her and I'm not doing that anymore.

*insert long pause here*

Me:  I will text u pics and stuff.  Like u mentioned while she was in foster care 'she is going to need therapy after all this'. Yes, she was traumatized by all of it and I am left to pick up the peices with her.  It isn't easy.  Basically she is happy go lucky until she talks to u or goes to the agency but for weeks after she talks to u she looses it and is in trouble all the time bcuz she doesn't know what to do with all those feelings.  I have to do what is best for her even tho it leaves u getting the short end of the stick as u have during this whole mess.  For that I am sorry.  I know it isn't fair.

Him:  no it's not.   The state stole my daughter.    I will be try to get something done now the law has changed...this is realy a bunch of bs...they couldn't prove me to be a bad father so they band me from her and everyone just let it happen.

* The law he is talking about is the law that, in our state, if you are married, but get get pregnant by someone who you are not married to, your legal husband becomes the legal father of that child and leaves the bio dad with no rights to the child.  Recently they did just change that law, but I don't know to what extent.  In Lizzy's case, the judge told bio dad that he had no more legal standing in the case than a stranger in the street because of that law.  Bio dad never tried to get a lawyer or anything to fight it and lest you think he was just a good guy who got screwed over, you should have seen how fast he was running from this case when they started talking about drug testing him.*

Him:  and i not blaming u or your husband ...but u it was handled      have not seen her in over three years not by my choice

*it has been 1 year and about 3 months, but whose counting (the kid is only 4 years old)*

Me:   Trust me, no one knows better that me how much her mom messed up you and "Lizzy's" life.  I am doing the best I can and I know it isn't perfect.

Him:  I told you that it would end up like this...but im going to do some checking to see what can be done...cuz i miss my daughter an she acts out bcuz maybe she misses me     normal reaction i would think

Me:  yes, i do think it is normal after everything she has been thru.  i know it is hard to hear, but i am sure ripping her away from us would do an equal amount of damage at this point.  she loves us like she loved you.

Him:  Its not right that a child gets ripped from the one person that she could count on an never see them again either...i may not be rich or have money but i got a lot of love for my kids...and i do what i can to make things from them     Lizzy was very happy with me...and it was sad to watch this happen.   u know she couldn't wait to see me

Me:  I don't disagree with anything you said

Him:  So what would you do

Me:  I would stay in contact with me so she can get in contact with you when she wants to.  i will send pics more often.  i know its not what you wanted, but had we not adopted her she would have been adopted by strangers and you never would have seen her again.  we are trying to give you updates while letting her be a happy care free kid.

Him:   like she was before all this

Me:  exactly.  all i can do is try to give her that.

Him:  well i feel like im being punished for her mom's mistakes...let alone what about her brother...he misses her and asks me about her all the time

Me:  I understand

Him:  An ho figure tomorrow is my b day.  i just miss her so much

Me:  Now I understand more.  I don't know what to say.  I just wanted to be honest.

Him:  Well i know...we think of her all the time an it bring a tear to the eye ...and a ugly feeling in my gut

Him:  Her brother try to make me feel better...hes does his best

Me:  It would for me too.  Plz know I fully plan on her having a relationship with u when she is older.  It isnt easy to wait but she will when she is ready.  Her brother is a wonderful kid.

*This man has never actually been proved to be Lizzy's bio dad.  I believe she is because she looks like him.  When he talked about "looking into things" to try to get her back the mama bear in me came out and it was all I could do to not rip him a new one.  As you can see towards the end, his birthday is tomorrow and he was just missing the baby that he once knew.  There is nothing easy about foster care.*


StarfishMom said...

Have you met him face to face and spent any amount of time with him? Why not ask him for a paternity test before you continue to engage in a realtionship with him. Same situation here. Sprouts bio dad has never taken a paternity test...Lizzy deserves to have stability. She is where she is supposed to be!

Vertical Mom said...

Wow. Kudos to you for such a calm and caring response in light of the situation. I do feel for this guy. What a rotten law but now he needs to think about what's best for Lizzy. I hope he can see that.