Saturday I found a lot of pee soaked articles in my child's bedroom. You can check out the post below to see how I felt that day.
Sunday we had a great day. The kids all did great at church, and my child who had been hiding pee all over their room was being oh so sweet in hopes mom would act like the pee had never happened.
Around 7 pm Sunday night I decided to ask the child if they wanted to talk about what happened. I had very good intentions of clearing the air and was hoping we would be able to move forward while becoming closer.
What lofty goals I make for us.
In speaking with said child I was told that they are scared of monsters in the closet at night so they pee in the bed instead of going to the bathroom. Ok, I can deal with that. The child was crying so of course I believed the story of waist high grimmlins that were being imagined.
I decided to go up to the bedroom and show the 'scared' chd that there was no secret door that was letting them in AND was even going to block of an area of said closet that was the focus of these fears.
As I went into the depths of the closet, underneath a blanket in a far back corner, I found more hidden pull ups. The pee filled pull ups were from a LONG time ago. Ok, we have one lived here six months, but they were from about five months ago.
Common sense is not something my child possesses yet. A huge lie of a story blaming another child for these actions was spun for me, and I was not giving into any of it. This went on for two hours. For two hours I was lied to no matter how much I begged them to let the truth out. It was so sad. I could tell that the child was convinced that if the same lie was said enough times I would believe it. I did my best to not threaten discipline, but not matter what reassurance I gave the the true would 'set them free' the lies continued, centered around trying to throw a sibling under the bus for actions they did not commit.
After two hour the truth came out in a very detailed way.
All trust that had been built over the past five months was already destroyed.
We feel like we have been fooled into thinking healing was happening and trust was being built when really the wool was just being pulled over our eyes.
Today is a new day. I guess we will start all over, again.
2 comments:
Actually this is how trust is built and it will happen over and over and over. You are being amazing and patient and impressive. And, I do not imagine it was at all easy or other than totally awful. Getting a gold star for doing so well probably doesn't really help you. But telling to us and hearing you are not alone and this is what happens and this is normative and it will eventually change and change again and change again may not feel like help..... but it does say you are not alone.
We hold your hand. We understand. We know where this child would be headed without you and what hope this child has by having your love.
SO MUCH SUPPORT TO YOU! You must feel exhausted. HUGS
I cannot tell you how much I hope that were are building trust in the midst of all of this. Thank you for the encouragement!!!!
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