Saturday, June 6, 2015

Reality.

There has been more to my blogging silence than just being busy.  Since bringing our sibling group of three home we have been in survival mode.  Every time things start to settle down their bio mom pops out another baby.  Despite the fact that we knew we were at our limit with six children, we said yes to the next two babies that were born.  We have gone from parenting two children at the beginning of 2012 to parenting eight children by the end of 2014.
I have gotten everything I ever wanted out of Foster care.  I have adopted my Foster child, I have adopted a large sibling group, I have adopted a new born baby and will adopt another new born baby very soon.  I feel incredibly blessed...and overwhelmed.
Every single one of my adopted children that are over the age of one have some very difficult behaviors that have consumed our lives.  Thankfully we have not had to deal with any violence or rages, but we have dealt (or are currently dealing with the following)

Lying
Peeling
Destruction of property
Sexual acting out
Inappropriate touching
Learning disabilities
Manipulation
Extreme jealousy
Continuous bad decision making
Extreme defiance
Bad attitudes
Extreme self centered ness
Food issues
Emotional health issues
Attachment issues
RAD like behavior

The list could go on.  On my end I have been dealing with my our behavior and issues.  I have been extremely dissappointed in my own ability to parent my children.  My patience, tolerance, love, and determination are all severely lacking at times.  The kids' list of problems is huge and my own list of mistakes I have made is probably equal in length.

Some days are better than others, but, in all honesty, we are struggling and it is hard to write about it.  If I was to truthfully blog about our days it would be quite ugly at times.  Over all we are moving forward, it is just at a snails pace.  Days like today remind me to be thankful for the good days.  Today was a 'one step forward two steps back' kinda day BUT my reaction to the poor choices of my child were 100% better than they used to be.  I can honestly say that today I got it right, which is something I cannot always say.


If you need me I will be cleaning peed bedding and about four days worth of pee covered clothes that I found hidden in my child's dresser.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can only send hugs and loves. Wish you were in SF Bay Area as I would lend a hand in simple physical support... like the laundromat and shopping and such. Much much sympathy. Even more support.
Clearly you face many difficult decisions in the coming unfortunately fertile years that loom ahead. I do not have answers for you but think of you daily. You are doing amazing things ... it must be very hard.

Anonymous said...

Would it be positive and supportive if your readers just left comments regularly even if on the same post? OR would that make you feel pressured to post more?
How can we, from a distance, support you?
I think it is OK to say today was ugly because x. Partly because we are a safe rentable place, but even more so because your readers all have ugly days of pure human frustration and we beat ourselves up for it especially when we think of others with more children or children with other problems are somehow managing to act like Mom in the Brady Bunch wearing pretty clothes and pearls while we are still in pjs or sweats and things are a mess and we have missed the shower for ... a shade too long.
Stacks of support in tough times!!!!

MamaFoster said...

Thank you for the encouragement. I think prayer is the thing that would help the most. If you think of us, pray for us. :)

Kelly Van Dame said...

Love this! We are in the process of adopting three older children and some days are very difficult. It is nice to see that we are not the only ones that struggle sometimes. Thanks for your honesty. The harder the task, the greater the reward and kiddos are a huge reward!

Rachel Maria said...

Prayer is KEY! Yes. Will pray!

Rachel Maria said...

Prayer is KEY! Yes. Will pray!