There has been more to my blogging silence than just being busy. Since bringing our sibling group of three home we have been in survival mode. Every time things start to settle down their bio mom pops out another baby. Despite the fact that we knew we were at our limit with six children, we said yes to the next two babies that were born. We have gone from parenting two children at the beginning of 2012 to parenting eight children by the end of 2014.
I have gotten everything I ever wanted out of Foster care. I have adopted my Foster child, I have adopted a large sibling group, I have adopted a new born baby and will adopt another new born baby very soon. I feel incredibly blessed...and overwhelmed.
Every single one of my adopted children that are over the age of one have some very difficult behaviors that have consumed our lives. Thankfully we have not had to deal with any violence or rages, but we have dealt (or are currently dealing with the following)
Destruction of property
Sexual acting out
Continuous bad decision making
Extreme self centered ness
Emotional health issues
RAD like behavior
The list could go on. On my end I have been dealing with my our behavior and issues. I have been extremely dissappointed in my own ability to parent my children. My patience, tolerance, love, and determination are all severely lacking at times. The kids' list of problems is huge and my own list of mistakes I have made is probably equal in length.
Some days are better than others, but, in all honesty, we are struggling and it is hard to write about it. If I was to truthfully blog about our days it would be quite ugly at times. Over all we are moving forward, it is just at a snails pace. Days like today remind me to be thankful for the good days. Today was a 'one step forward two steps back' kinda day BUT my reaction to the poor choices of my child were 100% better than they used to be. I can honestly say that today I got it right, which is something I cannot always say.
If you need me I will be cleaning peed bedding and about four days worth of pee covered clothes that I found hidden in my child's dresser.